The Soul's Preparation for Christ

First, when we have a particular apprehension in our own person, that look what we confess to be in sin in general, we confess the same in our own souls; and that our sins are as bad as the sins of any: this is the cursed distemper of ⟨p. 24⟩our hearts, howsoever we hold it to be truth in general, yet when we come to our own sins, the case is altered, and we never come to the right seeing of them as they concern our own particular. As the adulterer can easily confess the danger and filthiness of that sin in others, but he thinks not his sin to be so vile; as the Wise man saith, He that enters into the house of an harlot, ¹doth he ever return again, doth he ever take hold of the path of life? The Lord is pleased to set such a heavy stamp on this sinful distemperature. These are truths, and a man in his cold blood will easily confess it in the general, that he never returns again. Take the words as they are in the letter of them, and howsoever they have some other interpretations, yet in the letter it is thus read, he is ever hardly recovered. Howsoever it may be, yet with much difficulty. David had let his soul loose in that, & he did hardly recover himself again, scarce one of a thousand yet ever took hold of the way of life. And the drunkard will confess the danger of his sin in general, when he sees his drunken mates lie grovelling in the dust, he will be ashamed of it, and say, Now no adulterer or drunkard shall ever come into the kingdom of heaven; but here is the wound of it, when he comes to his own particular drunkenness and uncleanness, that he must look into them, then the sight of a mans knowledge hath not so much power as to judge himself rightly; or to make a particular application to himself; but he thinks his adultery and drunkenness ⟨p. 25⟩is not like to another mans, or else his knowledge is but weak, or else he seeth as a man in the twilight, when the sun is down and the heavens begin to withdraw their light, though a man can see to read abroad, yet he cannot see to read in the house, or in the chamber; So it is with a weak knowledge and with a feeble understanding in a wicked man, he is notable to see the vile nature of sin in himself, when he comes to read his own closet sins, and his bosom abominations, then he hath not so much light as to perceive them so fully in himself as he thought to do;