Modern spelling is a reading aid: the words are the author’s, only the spelling is modernized. Original shows the page as printed, with the transcription marks.
Lying, to make way for justice and fidelity; and Intemperance, for the love of truth and sobriety, that the understanding may rule the appetite. Upon which account the same person suggests, we should not promise children Junkets, as the reward of their obedience, but honour and praise, which they should be made to love; which is the great thing they of Japan †use to implant in the tender minds of their little ones, proposing glory as the strong motive to persuade them unto obedience and good carriage. I should not have insisted so long upon this, but that I dare be bold to say, it is through default of this part of Education, I mean for want of watchfulness, that the Children of many Parents amongst us fall so much short of the instructions received: Their passions grow strong, and the things that gratify sense luscious, their Parents heed not, and so the hopeful fruit is blasted and spoiled for want of fence: or as in some gardens, where there be fine buds and fruits coming on, that have been raised with great pains and charges; they suffer Snails and Caterpillars to increase, which in a short time devour that the Master's and Gardiner's eye and hand might easily at first have prevented, by taking away the Caterpillars eggs, and killing of the Snails: So you may see in some Families, where there were great hopes of children (as of the pleasant fruits on a fair tree ripening) all lost for want of Parents and Governors narrow inspection: or through a tender Mother's unlimited indulgence, where she should keep a strict watch: and through the connivance‖, or misplaced kindnesses of some affectionate servants, who to ingratiate with their young Masters or Mistresses, take upon them to be wiser, than those that love them best, and secretly humour them with those things that may gratify their sensual appetites, though never so prejudicial in the consequence, and in the present judgments of their Superiors, who would have their children disciplined to self-denial and temperance, which the Gospel (k)sets a great value upon. I speak this from my own, and others certain experience of what I have seen and heard, both in Families of the Gentry (and others) in the Country, and those of the best rank in the City. Oh!
Lying, to make way for justice and fidelity; and Imtemperance, for the love of truth and sobriety, that the understanding may rule the appetite. Upon which account the same person suggests, we should not promise children Junkets, as the reward of their obedience, but honour and praise, which they should be made to love; which is the great thing they of Japan
use to implant in the tender minds of their little ones, proposing glory as the strong motive to perswade them unto obedience and good carriage. I should not have insisted so long upon this, but that I dare be bold to say, it is through default of this part of Education, I mean for want of watchfulness, that the Children of many Parents amongst us fall so much short of the instructions received: Their passions grow strong, and the things that gratifie sense luscious, their Parents heed not, and so the hopeful fruit is blasted and spoiled for want of fence: or as in some gardens, where there be fine buds and fruits coming on, that have been raised with great pains and charges; they suffer Snails and Caterpillers to increase, which in a short time devour that the Master's and Gardiner's eye and hand might easily at first have prevented, by taking away the Caterpillers egs, and killing of the Snails: So you may see in some Families, where there were great hopes of children (as of the pleasant fruits on a fair tree ripening) all lost for want of Parents and Governours narrow inspection: or through a tender Mother's unlimited indulgence, where she should keep a strict watch: and through the connivance
, or misplac'd kindnesses of some affectionate servants, who to ingratiate with their young Masters or Mistresses, take upon them to be wiser, than those that love them best, and secretly humour them with those things that may gratifie their sensual appetitites, though never so prejudicial in the consequence, and in the present judgments of their Superiors, who would have their children disciplin'd to self-denial and temperance, which the Gospel
sets a great value upon. I speak this from my own, and others certain experience of what I have seen and heard, both in Families of the Gentry (and others) in the Country, and those of the best rank in the City. Oh!
†Gloriae studium & cupiditatem teneris animis implantare consucverunt, &c. Varen. de Regn. Jap p. 102.
what cause then have some of us with heartiest thankfulness to adore our Heavenly Father, that our dear Parents have not only taught us the rudiments of goodness, but called upon us to exercise self-denial and temperance, and to enure our selves to hardship, as good Soldiers of Jesus Christ(l)? So the Apostle enjoined, agreeable to the Philosopher, who determined it best to accustom children in their tender years unto colds, as most advantageous to good health and ⟨p. 423⟩warlike actions. And to bless God that they kept a watchful eye upon us in our minority, giving check to our inordinate appetites, that we can now, in this luxurious and delicate age, in the midst of fullness, curb our selves, and not hanker after every dainty and fine fashion we see, or repine when it passeth by us, whose Souls are made for better attainments? But I forget my self in this business of Education, being yet to speak to the remaining offices of Parents. The next of which is 4. Disposal, or elocation of children, growing up, or adult, either into some particular employment, or marriage. [1] Into some fit way of employment, or particular calling. Christian Parents are concerned not only to train up their children for business in the world, but to do what they can to provide an honest, fit, and useful calling or profession, wherein they may serve their own generation according to the will of God(m), and the abilities he hath bestowed on them, and the inclinations he hath implanted in them, whereby they may mostly promote the Kingdom of Christ(o). To find out natural capacities in the obsequious part of age requires the diligent consideration of a sagacious mind: So that Parents herein have really need of the skill (were it attainable) of the boasting Spaniard▪ who (in his Trial of wits) pretended to know what complexion was fittest for every profession. For all dispositions and inclinations are not equally fit for every affair†. Some according to the temperament of the body and culture of the mind, are for more ingenuous and liberal, others more mechanic Arts: some in a more public, others more private station. Upon discerning of which Parents should strain hard, proportionable to their estates, to choose such honest and advantageous Callings, as their children are fittest for, so nigh as they can judge.
what cause then have some of us with heartiest thankfulness to adore our Heavenly Father, that our dear Parents have not only taught us the rudiments of goodness, but call'd upon us to exercise self-denial and temperance, and to enure our selves to hardship, as good Souldiers of Jesus Christ(l)? So the Apostle enjoyned, agreeable to the Philosopher, who determin'd it best to accustom children in their tender years unto colds, as most advantagious to good health and ⟨p. 423⟩warlike actions. And to bless God that they kept a watchful eye upon us in our minority, giving check to our inordinate appetites, that we can now, in this luxurious and delicate age, in the midst of fulness, curb our selves, and not hanker after every dainty and fine fashion we see, or repine when it passeth by us, whose Souls are made for better attainments? But I forget my self in this business of Education, being yet to speak to the remaining offices of Parents. The next of which is 4. Disposal, or elocation of children, growing up, or adult, either into some particular employment, or marriage. [1] Into some fit way of employment, or particular calling. Christian Parents are concern'd not only to train up their children for business in the world, but to do what they can to provide an honest, fit, and useful calling or profession, wherein they may serve their own generation according to the will of God(m), and the abilities he hath bestow'd on them, and the inclinations he hath implanted in them, whereby they may mostly promote the Kingdom of Christ(o). To find out natural capacities in the obsequious part of age requires the diligent consideration of a sagacious mind: So that Parents herein have really need of the skill (were it attainable) of the boasting Spaniard▪ who (in his Tryal of wits) pretended to know what complexion was fittest for every profession. For all dispositions and inclinations are not equally fit for every affair†. Some according to the temperament of the body and culture of the mind, are for more ingenuous and liberal, others more mechanick Arts: some in a more publiik, others more private station. Upon discerning of which Parents should strain hard, proportionable to their estates, to choose such honest and advantagious Callings, as their children are fittest for, so nigh as they can judge.
(l)2 Tim. 2.3. [Greek or Hebrew]. Arist. de Rep. l. 8. c. 17.2 Tim. 2.3. 〈non-Latin alphabet〉. Arist. de Rep. l. 8. c. 17.
Daniel and his companions were for liberal Sciences(p), and so was Moses before them(q), and Paul after them(r). These God made use of as eminent instruments of his honour in their generation; one of them a Prophet, another a Prophet and Magistrate, the third an Apostle, and all of them witnesses to the truth. Paul doth gratefully commemorate his Parents love in educating him at the best School, and University, under the best Tutor, living far from the City of his birth; nor without reason, for God's raising up Sons unto Parents for Prophets; and placing them in the Ministry (however despised in this decrepit age) was accounted a singular privilege(s). Others in their circumstances, were disposed into other Callings, which their Parents thought them fit for. In the morning of the world, the two first children, Cain and Abel, were put into different employments(t); so were Isaac's Sons into the like(u); and Samuel's Sons into another(w), though they very much misbehaved themselves in it; Jacob's Sons(x), Laban's and Revel's daughters were employed about cattle(y). None should be left to live idly, but if not disabled, all should be ordinarily in some stated employ (wherein they have an Heavenly guard(z) for the public good, and the honour of God, who, where he gives most, will not be content with the least, but requires either corporeal, or mental employment from all. And therefore Parents having consulted their children's inclinations, and considered what breeding they have given them for the bettering of their parts and improvement ⟨p. 424⟩of their gifts, should not fail to dispose of their so, that they may be able to maintain themselves(a), or use what they have honestly provided for them, to the doing of good in the Church and State, and the training up of others in succeeding generations; according as God hath distributed gifts to every one for his Calling, wherein he is to abide, till more clearly called to another(b), whether for husbandry(c), or handy-crafts, in more substantial(d), or more curious works(e), or yet more laudable employments(f), whereunto they are not to be intruded, but orderly called. All which gives check to such Parents who are negligent herein, after primaeve education; and those who either put their children into unfit Callings, or enter them not into fit ones, in a fair way, but by some indirect means.
Daniel and his companions were for liberal Sciences(p), and so was Moses before them(q), and Paul after them(r). These God made use of as eminent instruments of his honour in their generation; one of them a Prophet, another a Prophet and Magistrate, the third an Apostle, and all of them witnesses to the truth. Paul doth gratefully commemorate his Parents love in educating him at the best School, and Ʋniversity, under the best Tutor, living far from the City of his birth; nor without reason, for God's raising up Sons unto Parents for Prophets; and placing them in the Ministry (however despised in this decrepit age) was accounted a singular priviledg(s). Others in their circumstances, were dispos'd into other Callings, which their Parents thought them fit for. In the morning of the world, the two first children, Cain and Abel, were put into different employments(t); so were Isaac's Sons into the like(u); and Samuel's Sons into another(w), though they very much misbehav'd themselves in it; Jacob's Sons(x), Laban's and Revel's daughters were employ'd about cattel(y). None should be left to live idly, but if not disabled, all should be ordinarily in some stated employ (wherein they have an Heavenly guard(z) for the publick good, and the honour of God, who, where he gives most, will not be content with the least, but requires either corporeal, or mental employment from all. And therefore Parents having consulted their childrens inclinations, and considered what breeding they have given them for the bettering of their parts and improvement ⟨p. 424⟩of their gifts, should not fail to dispose of their so, that they may be able to maintain themselves
There is another disposal and placing out of children, wherein good Parents ought to be greatly concerned, and that is [2.] Into the honourable estate of marriage (g)when at a competent age, considering the temper and inclinations of the children, upon a due expense of circumstances, in all Christian prudence, sooner, or later, to avoid temptations on one hand and another; by endeavouring to provide such matches, as they may have a good ground to hope for God's blessing upon; which they may then do, when they are in the Lord(h): Because that's the great Canon for the Regulation of Christian marriages, and should be the principal ponderation in this greatest affair of Parents and Children, that the persons marrying be not unequally yoked(i), and that they do it in the Lord: (as the obedience of wives and children is required to be(k) and to please the Lord, in my Text: yea, this of marriage is to be only in the Lord(l). For not to please him, by marrying in him, is by consequence to incur the displeasure of him, in whom alone a blessing is to be had. Wherefore professing Parents, who are charged by the Prophet in the name of the Lord(m), to take wives to their sons, and give daughters to their husbands, should with a good and serious conscience, without carnal glosses, study this prime Canon, as they really design the promotion and spiritual advancement of their offspring. Thus Abraham (so famous in his parental government(n) was very careful with respect to the Lord in covenant, for the matching of his son Isaac, that in a matter of so great importance, lest he should be tempted to a failure in his trust, he took a most solemn oath, by the Lord God of Heaven and Earth, from his faithful Steward Eleazer(o), upon serious seeking of God by Prayer, that he should take a wife for him out of a religious Family, and by no means yield that Isaac should be brought into a relation, communion, and residence, with any of those who might be an occasion to alienate his affections from the service of the true God, in a true manner: which had an excellent effect, sith Isaac and Rebekah were the most chaste pair of all those Patriarchal Worthies, their affections being entirely united. And Isaac at his wife Rebekah's motion, when almost dead for fear of an ungodly wife(p), followed his Father's example in the disposal of his son Jacob(q).
There is another disposal and placing out of children, wherein good Parents ought to be greatly concern'd, and that is [2.] Into the honourable estate of marriage (g)when at a competent age, considering the temper and inclinations of the children, upon a due expence of circumstances, in all Christian prudence, sooner, or later, to avoid temptations on one hand and another; by endeavouring to provide such matches, as they may have a good ground to hope for God's blessing upon; which they may then do, when they are in the Lord(h): Because that's the great Canon for the Regulation of Christian marriages, and should be the principal ponderation in this greatest affair of Parents and Children, that the persons marrying be not unequally yoked(i), and that they do it in the Lord: (as the obedience of wives and children is required to be(k) and to please the Lord, in my Text: yea, this of marriage is to be only in the Lord(l). For not to please him, by marrying in him, is by consequence to incur the displeasure of him, in whom alone a blessing is to be had. Wherefore professing Parents, who are charg'd by the Prophet in the name of the Lord(m), to take wives to their sons, and give daughters to their husbands, should with a good and serious conscience, without carnal glosses, study this prime Canon, as they really design the promotion and spiritual advancement of their offspring. Thus Abraham (so famous in his parental government(n) was very careful with respect to the Lord in covenant, for the matching of his son Isaac, that in a matter of so great importance, lest he should be tempted to a failure in his trust, he took a most solemn oath, by the Lord God of Heaven and Earth, from his faithful Steward Eleazer(o), upon serious seeking of God by Prayer, that he should take a wife for him out of a religious Family, and by no means yield that Isaac should be brought into a relation, communion, and residence, with any of those who might be an occasion to alienate his affections from the service of the true God, in a true manner: which had an excellent effect, sith Isaac and Rebekah were the most chast pair of all those Patriarchal Worthies, their affections being entirely united. And Isaac at his wife Rebekah's motion, when almost dead for fear of an ungodly wife
We indeed live in an age wherein there is much complaint by many wealthy Parents, that though they like well of this grand rule, yet they know not where to have suitable matches ⟨p. 425⟩for their children, especially of the female sex. I confess there is too much ground for this lamentation: The Lord remove it! Yet I may with submission, not being solicitous to please man, but my Lord and Master (r)put these complainants in mind of what hath been observed by another before me: That Persons of quality and estate, likely have in one respect a greater advantage than others, in that they have a greater latitude of choice amongst those who are in estate below them: So that of religious, prudent, and suitable persons, they may choose almost whom they please. But the truth is, many Parents who sit at the upper end of the world, though they profess Religion, they are too often so biassed with the love of this world, that marrying to the very height of their estate, hath the casting vote, and so they bestow their pious, hopeful children, upon persons in whom they have no probable positive evidence of real godliness and sobriety; or on such who are not comparably so virtuous, as others they might have more religious, prudent, and desirable, who upon conjuncture of Estates, would be abundantly well accommodated for a comfortable and cheerful livelihood: When alas! some of them are so swayed by carnal motives, that (as one saith†) they marry (their children to) a swine, for a golden trough; they prefer temporals to spirituals and eternals; riches and honour, or comeliness, to virtue and godliness, and take one that is at enmity with God(s), into the nearest and strictest league of amity with those they are obliged to love best. And thence it comes to pass that in succeeding generations, by unequal mixture of the holy seed with the profane(t), there is such a decay of piety (as at this day) amongst those sprung (on one side) from worthy Progenitors; being much like those of the old world, who defiled the face of the earth with an unblest generation, which so grieved the Almighty, that after he had given the inhabitants fair warning by the preacher of righteousness(u), he swept them all away but eight persons, with an universal deluge.
We indeed live in an age wherein there is much complaint by many wealthy Parents, that though they like well of this grand rule, yet they know not where to have suitable matches ⟨p. 425⟩for their children, especially of the female sex. I confess there is too much ground for this lamentation: The Lord remove it! Yet I may with submission, not being sollicitous to please man, but my Lord and Master (r)put these complainants in mind of what hath been observ'd by another before me: That Persons of quality and estate, likely have in one respect a greater advantage than others, in that they have a greater latitude of choice amongst those who are in estate below them: So that of religious, prudent, and suitable persons, they may choose almost whom they please. But the truth is, many Parents who sit at the upper end of the world, though they profess Religion, they are too often so biassed with the love of this world, that marrying to the very height of their estate, hath the casting vote, and so they bestow their pious, hopeful children, upon persons in whom they have no probable positive evidence of real godliness and sobriety; or on such who are not comparably so vertuous, as others they might have more religious, prudent, and desirable, who upon conjuncture of Estates, would be abundantly well accommodated for a comfortable and chearful livelyhood: When alas! some of them are so sway'd by carnal motives, that (as one saith†) they marry (their children to) a swine, for a golden trough; they prefer temporals to spirituals and eternals; riches and honour, or comliness, to vertue and godliness, and take one that is at enmity with God(s), into the nearest and strictest league of amity with those they are oblig'd to love best. And thence it comes to pass that in succeeding generations, by unequal mixture of the holy seed with the profane(t), there is such a decay of piety (as at this day) amongst those sprung (on one side) from worthy Progenitors; being much like those of the old world, who defiled the face of the earth with an unblest generation, which so grieved the Almighty, that after he had given the inhabitants fair warning by the preacher of righteousness(u), he swept them all away but eight persons, with an universal deluge.
I know upon the hearing of this, some professing Parents of our Age, will be touched to the quick (though they do thereby a little shake their own title to the best inheritance) but it concerns a watchman when called, to give them warning from the Lord (w)to deal faithfully: Upon the remembrance of which, and an affecting apprehension of this growing epidemical distemper, I do in the name of the Lord, put all Christian Parents in mind, not too vehemently to seek after great things to themselves(x), in bestowing of their children richly; but labour to link them with gracious and suitable persons, where there may be mutual kindness and hearty liking of each other, and with whom they may live religiously and contentedly: For the truth is, without this mutual complacency and loving contentment each in other (which the Scripture calls for(y) upon a good foundation, there cannot be an happy match. Wherefore in this great office of Parents, which is a comfortable one for their Children, if well done; but most uncomfortable if otherwise; they are mostly concerned to look after the fear of the Lord. For the Wise man by the spirit of God hath so determined upon weighing of things, saying,(z), Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain; but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised: and so shall the man also. If ⟨p. 426⟩things be tried at God's balance, Religion will weigh most. Houses and riches are the inheritance of Fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord(a): and so is a prudent husband too. Either is to be valued as a more blessed gift, than any temporal portion left by Parents, who may, and ought to be provident: but there is a more special finger of God, who gives wisdom, and unites hearts in every happy match. Wherein good-nature or (as we now speak) good-humour doth much sweeten society in a humane way, but I pray you, what doth it in a Christian way, wherein the married couple should live, as being heirs together of the grace of life, that their prayers he not hindered(b)? Alas! my Friends! as to this, a good nature as one saith*) is but like the white of an egg, which as it offends not, so it relisheth not. There may be a tolerable conversation as to temporals on the week day, but what is pleasant in it, as to spirituals, especially on the Lord's day, and at other seasons, when the Soul hath need of quickening, direction, and comfort, or a companion in Heavenly joys?
I know upon the hearing of this, some professing Parents of our Age, will be touch'd to the quick (though they do thereby a little shake their own title to the best inheritance) but it concerns a watchman when call'd, to give them warning from the Lord (w)to deal faithfully: Upon the remembrance of which, and an affecting apprhension of this growing epidemical distemper, I do in the name of the Lord, put all Christian Parents in mind, not too vehemently to seek after great things to themselves(x), in bestowing of their children richly; but labour to link them with gracious and suitable persons, where there may be mutual kindness and hearty liking of each other, and with vvhom they may live religiously and contentedly: For the truth is, without this mutual complacency and loving contentment each in other (vvhich the Scripture calls for(y) upon a good foundation, there cannot be an happy match. Wherefore in this great office of Parents, vvhich is a comfortable one for their Children, if well done; but most uncomfortable if otherwise; they are mostly concern'd to look after the fear of the Lord. For the Wise man by the spirit of God hath so determin'd upon weighing of things, saying,(z), Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain; but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised: and so shall the man also. If ⟨p. 426⟩things be tryed at God's ballance, Religion will weigh most. Houses and riches are the inheritance of Fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord(a): and so is a prudent husband too. Either is to be valued as a more blessed gift, than any temporal portion left by Parents, who may, and ought to be provident: but there is a more special finger of God, who gives wisdom, and unites hearts in every happy match. Wherein good-nature or (as we now speak) good-humour doth much sweeten society in a humane way, but I pray you, what doth it in a Christian way, wherein the married couple should live, as being heirs together of the grace of life, that their prayers he not hindred(b)? Alas! my Friends! as to this, a good nature as one saith*
Then real grace with all its faults, will be better than refined nature(c), as light than darkness. Discretion will set a lustre on Religion, and is to be looked after; else how troublesome will it be for wisdom to be subject to folly? No one can live lovingly and comfortably with a Fool. Next an ungodly, an unworthy yoke-fellow (especially if in Husbands) is to be feared. And next to a religious and prudent, a pleasing person should be chosen; amiableness helps to root and settle amity, which gains reputation by an inheritance(d). But in these things, especially the last, without regard to the former, Parents should take heed of exercising Tyranny: and when God hath given them children, how they give them away: be careful herein they do not contrary to my Text discourage their dutiful children by pressing them to marry where they cannot love: Because herein one† characters the good Parent to be such, as draws arguments from his children's good, rather than his own authority; accounting it a style too princely, herein to will and command, he rather chooseth to will and desire: remembering the Parental power is for edification, not destruction; and should not be exerted to cast a child against its mind upon a disaffected (much less an unworthy) match. In the treaty of marriage betwixt Isaac and Rebekah, when there was a good agreement betwixt Abraham's Steward, and her Father and Brother, they would not come to a conclusion, till the Maid was called and asked as to her affection and consent(e): All was but complement till that was gained: Parents herein are to persuade upon good reason, but 'tis too harsh to attempt the compelling of love. Some rigorous ones are apt, for their own worldly advantage, to use their awful authority, in matching to constrain their obedient children, contrary to their affections and dispositions: but they should rather learn of their Heavenly Father, who disposeth all things sweetly, and would have them to do so too: in the disposal of their children, he would have them do more with the sway of love, than power; and to be rather affectionate, than imperious in their Government. Grave and prudent Dr. Harris †condescended to his sons, saying, When you are youths, choose your Callings, when men, choose your Wives, only take me ⟨p. 427⟩along with you, it may be old men may see further than you.
Then real grace with all its faults, will be better than refined nature(c), as light than darkness. Discretion will set a lustre on Religion, and is to be look'd after; else how troublesom will it be for wisdom to be subject to folly? No one can live lovingly and comfortably with a Fool. Next an ungodly, an unworthy yoke-fellow (especially if in Husbands) is to be feared. And next to a religious and prudent, a pleasing person should be chosen; amiableness helps to root and settle amity, which gains reputation by an inheritance(d). But in these things, especially the last, without regard to the former, Parents should take heed of exercising Tyranny: and when God hath given them children, how they give them away: be careful herein they do not contrary to my Text discourage their dutiful children by pressing them to marry where they cannot love: Because herein one† characters the good Parent to be such, as draws arguments from his childrens good, rather than his own authority; accounting it a style too princely, herein to will and command, he rather chooseth to will and desire: remembring the Parental power is for edification, not destruction; and should not be exerted to cast a child against its mind upon a disaffected (much less an unworthy) match. In the treaty of marriage betwixt Isaac and Rebekah, when there vvas a good agreement betwixt Abraham's Steward, and her Father and Brother, they vvould not come to a conclusion, till the Maid vvas call'd and ask'd as to her affection and consent(e): All vvas but complement till that vvas gain'd: Parents herein are to perswade upon good reason, but 'tis too harsh to attempt the compelling of love. Some rigorous ones are apt, for their own vvorldly advantage, to use their awful authority, in matching to constrain their obedient children, contrary to their affections and dispositions: but they should rather learn of their Heavenly Father, vvho disposeth all things sweetly, and vvould have them to do so too: in the disposal of their children, he would have them do more vvith the sway of love, than power; and to be rather affectionate, than imperious in their Government. Grave and prudent Dr. Harris †condescended to his sons, saying, When you are youths, choose your Callings, when men, choose your Wives, only take me ⟨p. 427⟩along with you, it may be old men may see further than you.
Be sure then they see well, when they aim chiefly at piety: As an ancient Hermite relates* in his own life, the consultation of a principal inhabitant of Constantinople with his Lady, about the disposal of their only child which was a daughter; the result whereof was not to look at greatness and riches, lest marrying her to a vicious person, they should make her miserable; but rather to one of a lower rank fearing God, who from conscience of his duty would love and make much of her, and so render her condition comfortable; in prosecution whereof, they found out and bestowed her upon the honest son of a very charitable Father, who had a small Estate, but great Virtue, with whom she lived very happily. But my discourse swells, and I must shorten what remains. (5) Maintenance is another part of the Parents office towards their children, unto whom they are to allow a competency, according to their quality and estates to live upon. A just allowance for subsistence is presupposed requisite to the right discharge of the precedent duties from Parents to Children, both in their minority, and when come to maturity, for the accommodating of them with necessaries according to their birth: The neglect of which temporal provision would argue Christian Parents worse than Infidels, who are not so enormous(f): Sith amongst the barbarous people, they spare not cost to provide suitably for the fruit of their bodies, till at least they are able to carve for themselves. Our blessed Saviour takes for granted amongst the common notions of mankind, that Earthly Parents will give good gifts unto their needy Children, which are most proper for them(g). But as a superaddition unto this general provision, there is also somewhat more particular which even Nature it self teacheth upon the disposal of children, and Christian institution requires and commends: namely Parents, as God hath blessed them, should lay up for their children(h): yea so, as that when they are placed in Callings, and married, they may by some stock or competent portion be able to lay up for themselves, and be really serviceable to God's glory, and others welfare with their substance(i). Abraham is commended for this devising of his Estate, and so Jacob in providing for his(k). God did under the Law direct to a double portion, real or personal, unto the eldest, as an acknowledgement of the right of primogeniture;
Be sure then they see well, when they aim chiefly at piety: As an ancient Hermite relates* in his own life, the consultation of a principal inhabitant of Constantinople with his Lady, about the disposal of their only child which was a daughter; the result whereof was not to look at greatness and riches, lest marrying her to a vitious person, they should make her miserable; but rather to one of a lower rank fearing God, vvho from conscience of his duty would love and make much of her, and so render her condition comfortable; in prosecution whereof, they found out and bestowed her upon the honest son of a very charitable Father, who had a small Estate, but great Vertue, with whom she lived very happily. But my discourse swells, and I must shorten what remains. (5) Maintenance is another part of the Parents office towards their children, unto whom they are to allow a competency, according to their quality and estates to live upon. A just allowance for subsistence is presupposed requisite to the right discharge of the precedent duties from Parents to Children, both in their minority, and when come to maturity, for the accommodating of them with necessaries according to their birth: The neglect of which temporal provision would argue Christian Parents worse than Infidels, who are not so enormous(f): Sith amongst the barbarous people, they spare not cost to provide suitably for the fruit of their bodies, till at least they are able to carve for themselves. Our blessed Saviour takes for granted amongst the common notions of mankind, that Earthly Parents will give good gifts unto their needy Children, which are most proper for them(g). But as a superaddition unto this general provision, there is also somewhat more particular which even Nature it self teacheth upon the disposal of children, and Christian institution requires and commends: namely Parents, as God hath blessed them, should lay up for their children(h): yea so, as that when they are placed in Callings, and married, they may by some stock or competent portion be able to lay up for themselves, and be really serviceable to God's glory, and others welfare with their substance(i). Abraham is commended for this devising of his Estate, and so Jacob in providing for his(k). God did under the Law direct to a double portion, real or personal, unto the eldest, as an acknowledgment of the right of primogeniture;
supposing no manifest forfeiture by disobedience(l): For in the exercise of Parental authority, there may be some special consideration and rational regards had to the most dutiful, but still according to equity. Daughters, according to that constitution were to be copartners and share as coheirs in the inheritance(m). And how Parents without valuable reasons, can now disinherit them, considering the prohibition in my Text, is not easy to conceive. But in laying up for, and apportioning their children, Parents should have a care [1.] That they be not dilatory, as those who unseasonably put off the supplies of their children with that God hath given them, till they themselves be dead; or, so long till it hath occasioned an abatement of affections in their Children, which is not to be excused in them; but the Parents should not tempt ⟨p. 428⟩them; or put them upon any sharking tricks, to supply necessities, by keeping all the patrimony in their own hands, above an handsome reserve of conveniences for their own food and raiment: Being of a different temper from that Prince's Father†, who coming into his son's Closet, and seeing there all the gold and silver plate he had a long time before given to him, said, I see you have not a generous mind enough; for with all the gifts you had from me, you have not known hitherto how to make your self one friend. Or in any other respect, by any avaricious detention of what is requisite to be bestowed on their Children, lay them under the discouragement, which Parents are in my Text obliged to avoid, as that which is displeasing to God. [2.] They should be sure they came honestly by the portions they leave their Children, that they are goods well gotten, and well used: For if they be treasures of iniquity, they will not long abide(n), having a curse attending them: yea, a little ill gotten, will be as a little leaven, that will sour the whole lump: or, as the coal, which the Eagle carried with the flesh she took from the Altar, that fired all: but if they are well-gotten, then, as one said, of a small portion, they will wear like steel.
supposing no manifest forfeiture by disobedience(l): For in the exercise of Parental authority, there may be some special consideration and rational regards had to the most dutiful, but still according to equity. Daughters, according to that constitution were to be copartners and share as coheirs in the inheritance(m). And how Parents without valuable reasons, can now disinherit them, considering the prohibition in my Text, is not easie to conceive. But in laying up for, and appòrtioning their children, Parents should have a care [1.] That they be not delatory, as those who unseasonably put off the supplies of their children with that God hath given them, till they themselves be dead; or, so long till it hath occasion'd an abatement of affections in their Children, which is not to be excus'd in them; but the Parents should not tempt ⟨p. 428⟩them; or put them upon any sharking tricks, to supply necessities, by keeping all the patrimony in their own hands, above an handsome reserve of conveniencies for their own food and rayment: Being of a different temper from that Prince's Father†, who coming into his son's Closet, and seeing there all the gold and silver plate he had a long time before given to him, said, I see you have not a generous mind enough; for with all the gifts you had from me, you have not known hitherto how to make your self one friend. Or in any other respect, by any avaritious detention of what is requisite to be bestowed on their Children, lay them under the discouragement, which Parents are in my Text obliged to avoid, as that which is displeasing to God. [2.] They should be sure they came honestly by the portions they leave their Children, that they are goods well gotten, and well used: For if they be treasures of iniquity, they will not long abide(n), having a curse attending them: yea, a little ill gotten, will be as a little leaven, that will sour the whole lump: or, as the coal, which the Eagle carried with the flesh she took from the Altar, that fired all: but if they are well-gotten, then, as one said, of a small portion, they will wear like steel.
And though they have been justly gained, yet if they have been niggardly hoarded up, and not put to good uses, but Parents have lived miserably and basely, only to increase riches, they will prove not good, but rusty, though lawful money, and they are kept to their owners disquiet and hurt, and to their Children's disappointment(o) in the proof: after an age likely they find nothing, or nothing with the blessing of God(p), for that is entailed not on the Miser's seed, but on his that is all the day merciful(q), when either the urgent necessities of the poor, or the interest of the Church and State require a proportion: to the defrauding of which, under a pretext of raising a portion for Children, were to cause a canker in what is raised. Thus of Parents office whiles there be promising hopes of staying with their Children upon earth. There remains somewhat yet (3.) At their departure, when they are admonished to be thoughtful of leaving them, and have some prenotices of death approaching to arrest, and carry them to their long home, then Parents should set their house in order(r), by giving or leaving such lessons of wisdom to their Children, as by God's blessing will make a deeper impression, being uttered by dying persons(s): Thus did Isaac and Jacob(t). 'Tis true, there was something of an extraordinary Prophetic spirit in some of them; but those things of ordinary use, which they gave in charge, will be sufficient proof for our purpose: as Isaac's sending Jacob to Laban with his blessing: David's advice to Solomon(u), and Jacob's about his funeral(w); and others making a Will or Testament, bequeathing and devising their Estate(x), seconding all with solemn parental warnings, and prayer to God for a blessing(y), and advising them after their their death to consult such friends upon emergencies, whom they have obliged to their assistance, as David did(z). The Reverend Mr. Robert Bolton*, and others, gave notable instances of this last duty. The above mentioned Dr. Robert Harris, referred his dear Wife and Children, after several Heavenly and savoury speeches, ⟨p. 429⟩to the advice and counsel he had annexed to his Will, made by him about 22 years before his departure.
And though they have been justly gain'd, yet if they have been niggardly hoarded up, and not put to good uses, but Parents have liv'd miserably and basely, only to increase riches, they will prove not good, but rusty, though lawful money, and they are kept to their owners disquiet and hurt, and to their Childrens disappointment(o) in the proof: after an age likely they find nothing, or nothing with the blessing of God(p), for that is entailed not on the Miser's seed, but on his that is all the day merciful(q), when either the urgent necessities of the poor, or the interest of the Church and State require a proportion: to the defrauding of which, under a pretext of raising a portion for Children, were to cause a canker in what is rais'd. Thus of Parents office whiles there be promising hopes of staying with their Children upon earth. There remains somewhat yet (3.) At their departure, when they are admonish'd to be thoughtful of leaving them, and have some prenotices of death approaching to arrest, and carry them to their long home, then Parents should set their house in order(r), by giving or leaving such lessons of wisdom to their Children, as by God's blessing will make a deeper impression, being utter'd by dying persons(s): Thus did Isaac and Jacob(t). 'Tis true, there was something of an extraordinary Prophetick spirit in some of them; but those things of ordinary use, which they gave in charge, will be sufficient proof for our purpose: as Isaac's sending Jacob to Laban with his blessing: David's advice to Solomon(u), and Jacob's about his funeral(w); and others making a Will or Testament, bequeathing and devising their Estate(x), seconding all with solemn parental warnings, and prayer to God for a blessing(y), and advising them after their their death to consult such friends upon emergencies, whom they have oblig'd to their assistance, as David did
Therein he left his Children excellent instructions for their Souls, their Bodies, their Callings (both as to the choice and use of them) for their company, for their marriages, for their Children, for themselves within themselves, for their Estates, and for the Public. Things really worth the reading and observing, both by Parents and Children. In imitation of which (but not published) I have likewise with delight read very good advice left by a serious Citizen †(as it should appear lying sick of a Consumption whereof he died) to be given to his only Son and Child, then a little one, when he should come to the use of his reason, which, I doubt not, but is faithfully performed by his Executor. It might be of great advantage to their posterity, if Parents would have more regard in due circumstances to this last office of theirs, which is much slighted by many in our days, who seem unconcerned what shall become of their posterity, when they are gone, as to the best of enjoyments. 'Tis true, there be on another hand, Parents over solicitous to leave great Estates to their Children, when they themselves leave the world (being loth to part with them before); they think they can never make their Children rich enough in the world, without any regard to the riches of grace, never considering that convenience is really more eligible than abundance(a); and where there is much wealth, more grace and wisdom are needful to enjoy it well: For if Children have not their hearts established with grace(b), or want prudence to manage an Estate, they are but like a Ship that hath more sail than ballast, which is ready to be overset with any gust of wind. A great Estate without Virtue is but strong poison without an antidote: and earthly minded Parents in this respect do with their Children, as the Ostrich with her Eggs, leaves them in the dust, but takes no further care of them; so they leave them rich in temporals, but for their spiritual and eternal welfare, they are little or nothing concerned. That they may eat, drink, be merry, and clothed with the best, they provide by setting their nest high, and making their seed great on the earth(c); when alas! they do but consult shame to their house, and wrong their own souls:
Therein he left his Children excellent instructions for their Souls, their Bodies, their Callings (both as to the choice and use of them) for their company, for their marriages, for their Children, for themselves within themselves, for their Estates, and for the Publick. Things really worth the reading and observing, both by Parents and Children. In imitation of which (but not publish'd) I have likewise with delight read very good advice left by a serious Citizen †(as it should appear lying sick of a Consumption whereof he died) to be given to his only Son and Child, then a little one, when he should come to the use of his reason, which, I doubt not, but is faithfully performed by his Executor. It might be of great advantage to their posterity, if Parents would have more regard in due circumstances to this last office of theirs, which is much sleighted by many in our days, who seem unconcern'd what shall become of their posterity, when they are gone, as to the best of enjoyments. 'Tis true, there be on another hand, Parents over solicitous to leave great Estates to their Children, when they themselves leave the world (being loth to part with them before); they think they can never make their Children rich enough in the world, without any regard to the riches of grace, never considering that conveniencie is really more eligible than abundance(a); and where there is much wealth, more grace and wisdom are needful to enjoy it well: For if Children have not their hearts established with grace(b), or want prudence to manage an Estate, they are but like a Ship that hath more sail than ballast, which is ready to be overset with any gust of vvind. A great Estate vvithout Vertue is but strong poyson vvithout an antidote: and earthly minded Parents in this respect do vvith their Children, as the Ostrich vvith her Eggs, leaves them in the dust, but takes no further care of them; so they leave them rich in temporals, but for their spiritual and eternal vvelfare, they are little or nothing concern'd. That they may eat, drink, be merry, and cloth'd vvith the best, they provide by setting their nest high, and making their seed great on the earth(c); vvhen alas! they do but consult shame to their house, and vvrong their own souls:
They do but observe lying vanities, and forsake their own mercies(d), sith God usually turns the wheel, and disappoints them, when the riches of the sinner are laid up for the just(e). Others become Masters of their Children's Estate: whereas the good man leaveth an inheritance to his children's children, who in after ages reap the benefit of an Estate consecrated and blessed by their pious Parents prayers, the gracious answer whereunto they are still receiving. 'Tis more then time I should speak to
They do but observe lying vanities, and forsake their own mercies(d), sith God usually turns the vvheel, and disappoints them, vvhen the riches of the sinner are laid up for the just(e). Others become Masters of their Childrens Estate: vvhereas the good man leaveth an inheritance to his childrens children, vvho in after ages reap the benefit of an Estate consecrated and blessed by their pious Parents prayers, the gracious answer vvhereunto they are still receiving. 'Tis more then time I should speak to
2. The enforcement of these great and important offices, mentioned in my Text, which is the Father of Heaven's prohibition of provocation to the discouragement of children. Provoke not your children, [Greek or Hebrew], that they be not discouraged. Now, as I showed the positive injunction of the Lord was a sufficient Reason to enforce the duties of children: so this inhibition or negative precept is of equal strength to move Parents unto theirs; sith ⟨p. 430⟩it plainly shows the Will of him who hath an uncontrollable dominion, that Parents conduct should be moderated according to those equitable positive, as well as negative pr cepts that have been produced in the enumeration of the foregoing particulars. And the special one in my Text carries with it a reason drawn from the end, lest the Children should be consumed with sorrows, saith the Syriac version: others, lest they become pusillanimous and dispirited, pining away with grief; which may be by any neglect or abuse of parental authority, either in defect or excess; by omitting the duties required, or committing what God hath inhibited, and so falling into either extremes. Now what can be more cogent with affectionate Parents to engage them unto the good government of those God hath put into subjection to them, than a care they be not disheartened by any male-administration of theirs? Certainly to give any just occasion of discouragement to the hopeful fruit of their own body, must needs be very evil and unnatural; this puts them in [Greek or Hebrew], either such a stupid dejection of spirit, as makes them fearful, dull, and unfit for any work, so that they are like members stupefied with narcotics, or such strong dolours of mind, as even break their hearts, which bring diseases and immature death; or else, as a sad and usual consequent, a certain desperate contumacy, when they find themselves under an incapacity, through their Parents unusual indulgence or serenity, of doing that which is right, or of pleasing in their Relation: they take the wretched boldness of doing wrong and displeasing: yea, many times they become like restive colts and wincing jades, which fling and kick;
2. The enforcement of these great and important offices, mention'd in my Text, vvhich is the Father of Heaven's prohibition of provocation to the discouragement of children. Provoke not your children, 〈non-Latin alphabet〉, that they be not discouraged. Now, as I shew'd the positive injunction of the Lord vvas a sufficient Reason to enforce the duties of children: so this inhibition or negative precept is of equal strength to move Parents unto theirs; sith ⟨p. 430⟩it plainly shews the Will of him who hath an uncontrollable dominion, that Parents conduct should be moderated according to those equitable positive, as well as negative pr cepts that have been produced in the enumeration of the foregoing particulars. And the special one in my Text carries with it a reason drawn from the end, lest the Children should be consumed with sorrows, saith the Syriack version: others, lest they become pusillanimous and dispirited, pining away with grief; which may be by any neglect or abuse of parental authority, either in defect or excess; by omitting the duties required, or committing what God hath inhibited, and so falling into either extremes. Now what can be more cogent with affectionate Parents to engage them unto the good government of those God hath put into subjection to them, than a care they be not dishearten'd by any male-administration of theirs? Certainly to give any just occasion of discouragement to the hopeful fruit of their own body, must needs be very evil and unnatural; this puts them in 〈non-Latin alphabet〉, either such a stupid dejection of spirit, as makes them fearful, dull, and unfit for any work, so that they are like members stupified with narcoticks, or such strong dolours of mind, as even break their hearts, which bring diseases and immature death; or else, as a sad and usual consequent, a certain desperate contumacie, when they find themselves under an incapacity, through their Parents unusual indulgence or serenity, of doing that which is right, or of pleasing in their Relation: they take the wretched boldness of doing wrong and displeasing: yea, many times they become like restive colts and winsing jades, which fling and kick;
they do all the mischief they can, and make head often times to irritate their Parents passions, which is the height of impiety in Children, who when come to this, seldom take up till they have destroyed them from whom they descended, and ruined themselves soul and body. 'Tis most plain, if God hath graciously given children unto his servants(f), you Christian Parents who profess to be such, are obliged in gratitude to his Heavenly Majesty for those favours, to do your utmost so to order and manage these his gifts as he hath directed, that they may indeed be fitted for the Donor's use and service. They are not born with Bibles in their hands, neither are the contents in their heads or hearts; neither can they put forth to Sea without Card or Compass; but you are by your Relation obliged to indoctrinate them, to acquaint them with God and themselves, to supply their wants as you can every way, and no way to discountenance them, for this is in effect to disparage the Divine favours, and trample upon the Almighty's blessings. 'Tis to expose the tokens of his bounty, and put them to the vilest uses(g), to make them instruments of sin, and subjects of wrath, and bring shame to your selves(h). Believe it Parents, to neglect the Duties I have been insisting on, is to throw away your crown and glory(i), to pull down the stars in your own orb(k), to despoil your own heritage, and burn up the olive plants about your own table; to unfeather the arrows in your own quiver(l); to cast into the rubbish the polished stones of your own Palace(m); to rob your selves of that should give you rest, and bereave your own souls ⟨p. 431⟩of delight(n); nay, 'tis to rob God; for your Children are more his than your own; they stand in a Federal Relation unto him, and you may not carry your selves towards them as you list(o). So that your own interest in them, who are part of your selves, your interest in their virtues, God's interest in them, as well as his will and pleasure, should forcibly impel you to mind your office, and fill up your Relation; the unconscionable neglect of which will be as a bloody Dagger stuck up to the hilt in your own hearts:
they do all the mischief they can, and make head often times to irritate their Parents passions, which is the height of impiety in Children, who when come to this, seldom take up till they have destroy'd them from whom they descended, and ruin'd themselves soul and body. 'Tis most plain, if God hath graciously given children unto his servants(f), you Christian Parents who profess to be such, are oblig'd in gratitude to his Heavenly Majesty for those favors, to do your utmost so to order and manage these his gifts as he hath directed, that they may indeed be fitted for the Donor's use and service. They are not born with Bibles in their hands, neither are the contents in their heads or hearts; neither can they put forth to Sea without Card or Compass; but you are by your Relation oblig'd to indoctrinate them, to acquaint them with God and themselves, to supply their wants as you can every way, and no way to discountenance them, for this is in effect to disparage the Divine favours, and trample upon the Almighty's blessings. 'Tis to expose the tokens of his bounty, and put them to the vilest uses(g), to make them instruments of sin, and subjects of wrath, and bring shame to your selves(h). Believe it Parents, to neglect the Duties I have been insisting on, is to throw away your crown and glory(i), to pull down the stars in your own orb(k), to despoil your own heritage, and burn up the olive plants about your own table; to unfeather the arrows in your own quiver(l); to cast into the rubbish the polish'd stones of your own Palace(m); to rob your selves of that should give you rest, and bereave your own souls ⟨p. 431⟩of delight(n); nay, 'tis to rob God; for your Children are more his than your own; they stand in a Foederal Relation unto him, and you may not carry your selves towards them as you list(o)
Wherefore I beseech you, endeavour all you can, that your conduct of your Children be just and temperate, with all gravity and prudence, that it may be like the Children's obedience which the Scripture calls for, well-pleasing to the Lord, so as they, you your selves likewise, may expect a blessed prolongation of your days(p). I have at length dispatched, what I intend to say concerning the Duties themselves; yet there remains something to be said to the
Wherefore I beseech you, endeavour all you can, that your conduct of your Children be just and temperate, with all gravity and prudence, that it may be like the Childrens obedience which the Scripture calls for, well-pleasing to the Lord, so as they, you your selves likewise, may expect a blessed prolongation of your days(p). I have at length dispathc'd, vvhat I intend to say concerning the Duties themselves; yet there remains something to be said to the
III. General proposed, in Answer to the Complex Query, viz. The §IIImanner or means of managing the duties of both Relations; and this both more Generally and Particularly, according to the mind of God in his Word.
III. General propos'd, in Answer to the Complex Query, viz. The §IIImanner or means of managing the duties of both Relations; and this both more Generally and Particularly, according to the mind of God in his Word.
, or use what they have honestly provided for them, to the doing of good in the Church and State, and the training up of others in succeeding generations; according as God hath distributed gifts to every one for his Calling, wherein he is to abide, till more clearly called to another
, whereunto they are not to be intruded, but orderly called. All which gives check to such Parents who are negligent herein, after primaeve education; and those who either put their children into unfit Callings, or enter them not into fit ones, in a fair way, but by some indirect means.
) is but like the white of an egg, which as it offends not, so it relisheth not. There may be a tolerable conversation as to temporals on the week day, but what is pleasant in it, as to spirituals, especially on the Lord's day, and at other seasons, when the Soul hath need of quickening, direction, and comfort, or a companion in Heavenly joys?
, and others, gave notable instances of this last duty. The above mention'd Dr. Robert Harris, refer'd his dear Wife and Children, after several Heavenly and savoury speeches,
⟨p. 429⟩
to the advice and counsel he had annex'd to his Will, made by him about 22 years before his departure.
. So that your own interest in them, who are part of your selves, your interest in their vertues, God's interest in them, as well as his will and pleasure, should forcibly impel you to mind your office, and fill up your Relation; the unconscionable neglect of which will be as a bloody Dagger stuck up to the hilt in your own hearts:
