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III. General proposed, in Answer to the Complex Query, viz. The §IIImanner or means of managing the duties of both Relations; and this both more Generally and Particularly, according to the mind of God in his Word.
III. General propos'd, in Answer to the Complex Query, viz. The §IIImanner or means of managing the duties of both Relations; and this both more Generally and Particularly, according to the mind of God in his Word.
1. More Generally, wherein that hath been already, implicitly at §1least, suggested, which now will require only a brief intimation. My Beloved, Many we know are apt to be solicitous enough, and too much, as to their conversation in this world, to observe the modes which obtain most at the Court. It concerns us all, certainly much more Children and Parents, to discharge their duties after that mode, which gains approbation in the Court of Heaven: and therefore to take good heed to those helps, for their direction, concerning the manner of performance, which we have in the Evangelical Institutes, recorded in his Heavenly Majesty's Imperial Court, Therein both the Relatives are taught to perform the Duties I have been discoursing of from a principle of mutual love, with a design to please God, and comfort each other respectively, in such a way, as may adorn the Gospel(q), and maintain that charity, which in this Relation should eminently proceed out of a pure heart, and of a good conscience, and faith unfeigned(r). This charity or love the Apostle tells us in this Chapter, a little before my Text(s)
, is the bond of perfectness, or perfect bond: and here if any where, it is to meet at both ends, yea bud forth and flourish in reciprocal delights and endearments
. Christian Parents and Children, as much as may be, should still be joining in consort to keep up a mutual harmony: yea, and upon better principles endeavour to equal the most refined Moralists celebrated for this charity; as Pomponius Atticus and his Mother, who never fell out in sixty seven years (as he himself tells the story). To promote this, there should be a free and frequent communication of secrets, a giving and taking of loving warnings, (yea Parents in some circumstances should be willing to hearken to the submissive, and prudent good advice of their children
1. More Generally, wherein that hath been already, implicitly at §1least, suggested, which now will require only a brief intimation. My Beloved, Many we know are apt to be solicitous enough, and too much, as to their conversation in this world, to observe the modes which obtain most at the Court. It concerns us all, certainly much more Children and Parents, to discharge their duties after that mode, which gains approbation in the Court of Heaven: and therefore to take good heed to those helps, for their direction, concerning the manner of performance, which we have in the Evangelical Institutes, recorded in his Heavenly Majestie's Imperial Court, Therein both the Relatives are taught to perform the Duties I have been discoursing of from a principle of mutual love, with a design to please God, and comfort each other respectively, in such a way, as may adorn the Gospel(q), and maintain that charity, which in this Relation should eminently proceed out of a pure heart, and of a good conscience, and faith unfeigned(r). This charity or love the Apostle tells us in this Chapter, a little before my Text(s), is the bond of perfectness, or perfect bond: and here if any where, it is to meet at both ends, yea bud forth and flourish in reciprocal delights and endearments(t). Christian Parents and Children, as much as may be, should still be joyning in consort to keep up a mutual harmony: yea, and upon better principles endeavour to equal the most refined Moralists celebrated for this charity; as Pomponius Atticus and his Mother, who never fell out in sixty seven years (as he himself tells the story). To promote this, there should be a free and frequent communication of secrets, a giving and taking of loving warnings, (yea Parents in some circumstances should be willing to hearken to the submissive, and prudent good advice of their children(u), and in a daily address to the Throne of grace, ⟨p. 432⟩a mutual pleading in faith the Covenant and Promises, for each others interests(w). Thus more generally.
2. More Particularly, some things may be said to the management of these duties according to Scripture, still following the method of my Text, severally to Children; then to Parents.
1. To Children, such Directions as these following may be profitable for the well-management of their duties: viz. (1.) Be throughly sensible of the mischief of disobedience, and the benefit of obedience; and therefore really believe the severe punishment of the former, and the gracious rewards of the latter. Be sure, so much as there is of disobedience, so much is wanting in some kind of natural affection, and that usually hath monstrous attendants, which direful judgments follow(x). On the other side, obedience qualifies for the best society, and entitles to the promises: here is the special promise of life annexed(y), (as was hinted above) which must needs contain some peculiar benefit, which God doth graciously confer, to show what an estimate he hath of children's obedience: that the use of a comfortable life should be lengthened out to them, who according to godliness, give due honour to them, who are under him the authors of their lives. So for the most part; and when 'tis otherwise that good children do early depart hence, being sooner ripe, they do enter into a better life. Besides we are not to take our measures of a long life in this state‖ from the course of times or decrepit age, but partly from the manner of living, and divine good things received in life, and partly from attaining the end of it. As if one in three months pass over as much way, as another in three years, and come to the same mark with him: length is to be reckoned from the travelling, rather than the way; and he is long-lived, to whom God by revealing his end hath brought nigh to himself. As David at seventy was said to die in good old age(z), as well as Isaac, who had lived an hundred and eighty. There is as much perfection in a little circle, as a larger, in David's seventy, as Lamech's seven hundred seventy seven years(a). 'Tis not so much from the number of days, but the filling them up, that life is to be reckoned long(b). Truly obedient children have this benefit of the promise, that (as they say of Figs and Lemons) they ne'er die, before they are ripe for salvation. Whereas the disobedient are in a sense dead; though they stay long here, they may be reckoned short-lived, when they do not answer the end of living.
1. To Children, such Directions as these following may be profitable for the well-management of their duties: viz. (1.) Be throughly sensible of the mischief of disobedience, and the benefit of obedience; and therefore really believe the severe punishment of the former, and the gracious rewards of the latter. Be sure, so much as there is of disobedience, so much is wanting in some kind of natural affection, and that usually hath monstrous attendants, which direful judgments follow(x). On the other side, obedience qualifies for the best society, and entitles to the promises: here is the special promise of life annexed(y), (as was hinted above) which must needs contain some peculiar benefit, which God doth graciously confer, to shew what an estimate he hath of childrens obedience: that the use of a comfortable life should be lengthen'd out to them, who according to godliness, give due honour to them, who are under him the authors of their lives. So for the most part; and when 'tis otherwise that good children do early depart hence, being sooner ripe, they do enter into a better life. Besides we are not to take our measures of a long life in this state‖ from the course of times or decrepit age, but partly from the manner of living, and divine good things received in life, and partly from attaining the end of it. As if one in three months pass over as much way, as another in three years, and come to the same mark with him: length is to be reckon'd from the travelling, rather than the way; and he is long-liv'd, to whom God by revealing his end hath brought nigh to himself. As David at seventy was said to die in good old age(z), as well as Isaac, who had liv'd an hundred and eighty. There is as much perfection in a little circle, as a larger, in David's seventy, as Lamech's seven hundred seventy seven years(a). 'Tis not so much from the number of days, but the filling them up, that life is to be reckon'd long(b). Truly obedient children have this benefit of the promise, that (as they say of Figs and Lemmons) they ne'r die, before they are ripe for salvation. Whereas the disobedient are in a sense dead; though they stay long here, they may be reckon'd short-liv'd, when they do not answer the end of living.
If Christian Children would but seriously contemplate these things, and allow God a reserve by Prerogative-royal in the performance of temporal promises, and then heedfully observe the different practices, and issues of other children in divine and humane story: take often into consideration the instances of both sorts, and mark the ends of each, as Shem, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, yea above all the blessed Jesus himself: and on the contrary of Ham, Absalom, Adonijah, &c. they would find it a good means to perform their duties acceptably, and as he said*, live perfecting all offices. (2.) Remove all the tendencies to the dishonour of Parents, and set a value upon their instructions. 'Tis ⟨p. 433⟩good to be circumspect, and banish those inordinate affections which alienate the heart from duty, as self-conceitedness in Absalom, and the Prodigal, the one thought he could sway the Sceptre(c), and the other manage his Portion better than his Father(d): so likewise high thoughts of merit, which the Prodigals elder Brother had(e): also ambition, which did so swell Adonijah†: and curiosity, as in Solomon's young man, who followed the sight of his eyes(f). Hence Children should take heed of associating with misguiding and misleading companions(g), and be afraid of whisperers, who secretly suggest things which may tend to make Parents cheap(h). Shem and Japheth would not listen unto Ham's tale in their ears, nor see too narrowly into their Father's failings, lest this should cause a dis-esteem. Whereas Children should appreciate their Parents respects, be afraid of their reproofs, and set an high rate upon their good advice(i); when it's right, it is then to be valued, otherwise it should not be approved(k), no more than Terah's Idol-worship was by his Son Abraham when called(l). Certainly Ahaziah sinned greatly, and so did the Daughter of Herodias, in following their Mother's counsel(m), for if it be evil, the circumstances may be such, that obedient children must testify against it, as Asa and Levi did(n), yea disclose the wickedness of it, as Jonathan and Michal commendably did(o): but yet in such a case it should (if possible) be with so much caution, as may prove there is no slighting of the Relation, but a desire to keep up the honour of that, by an hearty sorrow for the failure.
If Christian Children would but seriously contemplate these things, and allow God a reserve by Prerogative-royal in the performance of temporal promises, and then heedfully observe the different practices, and issues of other children in divine and humane story: take often into consideration the instances of both sorts, and mark the ends of each, as Shem, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, yea above all the blessed Jesus himself: and on the contrary of Cham, Absolom, Adonijah, &c. they would find it a good means to perform their duties acceptably, and as he said*, live perfecting all offices. (2.) Remove all the tendencies to the dishonour of Parents, and set a value upon their instructions. 'Tis ⟨p. 433⟩good to be circumspect, and banish those inordinate affections which alienate the heart from duty, as self-conceitedness in Absolom, and the Prodigal, the one thought he could sway the Scepter(c), and the other manage his Portion better than his Father(d): so likewise high thoughts of merit, which the Prodigals elder Brother had(e): also ambition, which did so swell Adonijah†: and curiosity, as in Solomon's young man, who follow'd the sight of his eyes(f). Hence Children should take heed of associating with misguiding and misleading companions(g), and be afraid of whisperers, who secretly suggest things which may tend to make Parents cheap(h). Shem and Japhet would not listen unto Cham's tale in their ears, nor see too narrowly into their Father's failings, lest this should cause a dis-esteem. Whereas Children should appretiate their Parents respects, be afraid of their reproofs, and set an high rate upon their good advice(i); when it's right, it is then to be valued, otherwise it should not be approv'd(k)
The Stoics used to say, that a wise man would make it his business to perform all things rightly, even to the putting forth of the finger*. Be sure Christians should be careful, that they do not so much as by an unwarrantable motion of that disparage their Parents, or despise those chosen by them to give instructions. (3.) Perform all with sincerity, and equality or impartiality to both Parents. As the great requisite to the due management of these duties, Solomon saith(p), My son, give me thine heart, and let thine eyes observe my ways. He would not have him look asquint, or come with by ends in a feigned observance, as Absalom(q); or not real, only verbal, like him in the Gospel, who pretended to go, and went not(r), his obedience ended in a complement, and no more. But if Servants are to do their duties heartily in absence and presence, as unto the Lord, and not unto men, in the Verse following my Text; then much more are Children, who likewise are greatly concerned to behave themselves impartially with equal respects to both Parents, (as well as cordially)(s). The Law mentions Father and Mother expressly, which might have been included in one word Parent: and Jacob is commended upon record, for his obedience to his Father and Mother(t): Solomon many times in the Proverbs calls for obedience to both. Whatever inequality may be betwixt a man and his wife, (who is obliged to be subject to her husband) yet in relation to their children, they are both as one, and deserve equal honour: Indeed, if in a purely indifferent thing they differ in their peremptory commands, which are contrary, then the Fathers ⟨p. 434⟩is to have the precedency; yet with a very great respect to the Mother, when in that instant the child is necessitated to decline hers; though if the Father's command were unlawful, and the Mother's lawful, then the Mother were to be obeyed(u): but with hearty sorrow the Father should require what God dis-allows, and he for that reason doth modestly refuse. And this sincere obedience is to be given to both, whether rich or poor in the world, whether good and gentle, or froward(w), in all that is well-pleasing to God, whose honour is the end ingenuous Children should aim at, by just and honest means, in the exercise of their duties, keeping themselves from their iniquities(x), i. e. those which their own turbulent passions are apt to hurry them into.
The Stoicks used to say, that a wise man would make it his business to perform all things rightly, even to the putting forth of the finger*. Be sure Christians should be careful, that they do not so much as by an unwarrantable motion of that disparage their Parents, or despise those chosen by them to give instructions. (3.) Perform all with sincerity, and equality or impartiality to both Parents. As the great requisite to the due management of these duties, Solomon saith(p), My son, give me thine heart, and let thine eyes observe my ways. He would not have him look asquint, or come with by ends in a feigned observance, as Absolom(q); or not real, only verbal, like him in the Gospel, who pretended to go, and went not(r), his obedience ended in a complement, and no more. But if Servants are to do their duties heartily in absence and presence, as unto the Lord, and not unto men, in the Verse following my Text; then much more are Children, who likewise are greatly concern'd to behave themselves impartially with equal respects to both Parents, (as well as cordially)(s). The Law mentions Father and Mother expresly, which might have been included in one word Parent: and Jacob is commended upon record, for his obedience to his Father and Mother(t): Solomon many times in the Proverbs calls for obedience to both. Whatever inequality may be betwixt a man and his wife, (who is oblig'd to be subject to her husband) yet in relation to their children, they are both as one, and deserve equal honour: Indeed, if in a purely indifferent thing they differ in their peremptory commands, which are contrary, then the Fathers ⟨p. 434⟩is to have the precedency; yet with a very great respect to the Mother, when in that instant the child is necessitated to decline hers; though if the Father's command were unlawful, and the Mother's lawful, then the Mother were to be obey'd(u): but with hearty sorrow the Father should require what God dis-allows, and he for that reason doth modestly refuse. And this sincere obedience is to be given to both, whether rich or poor in the world, whether good and gentle, or froward
*[Greek or Hebrew]. Stob. Ni tibi concessit ratio, digitum exere, peccas. Pers. Sat. 5.〈non-Latin alphabet〉. Stob. Ni tibi concessit ratio, digitum exere, peccas. Pers. Sat. 5.
If we did more reverence our selves, we should carry better towards our Superiors. Pythagoras his advice is very wholesome*, Let a man be the greatest shame to himself, keep his own heart in awe, by a secret blush upon his own extravagances in their first risings, and so he will have his Keeper every where with him: then, as he saith further, Let him follow that which is just not only in words but in deeds. He that is duly affected with shame of himself, will be careful to pay just respects in all due circumstances unto those he is mostly obliged to honour. (4.) Set about all your duties to your Parents willingly and readily, not with grudging or disdain, but with an holy warmth of heart, lifting up your selves to, and following hard after whatever God requires(y), in all affectionate expressions of a free and cheerful spirit, sith all is to be in the Lord, who loves readiness(z). This manner of performance will be the more easy, if Children timely learn the great lesson of self-denial; and do really exercise that and love; they will then without boggling, go through the most unpleasant, uneasy, and mean employments they are called unto, and concerned to manage for their Parents; as Jacob's Sons did for their Father, after as well as before their marriage(a); and in his straits Judah expressed great readiness to comfort his Father(b). Ruth, as was noted before, was very exemplary in this manner of obedience(c); but Isaac's readiness was the most singular(d), till Christ himself (whom he typified) came; then saith he to his Father(e), I delight to do thy will, O my God, thy Law is within my heart. Believe it, Willingness puts a great acceptableness upon duties: Children are bound always to will, though not always to act; they should readily embrace all opportunities. 'Tis said, Amasiah the Son of Zichri willingly offered himself unto the Lord(f); and so should ingenuous Children be ever ready (as Paul was in Christ)(g) for their Parents service. Somewhat of this was hinted before; and I shall only add what Hierocles saith in this case*: It is fit we should not withdraw our selves from performing with our own hands what our Parents require, as occasion serves; but by how much the more mean and servile the offices, by so much should Children think them the more honest and laudable;
If we did more reverence our selves, we should carry better towards our Superiours. Pythagoras his advice is very wholsom*, Let a man be the greatest shame to himself, keep his own heart in awe, by a secret blush upon his own extravagancies in their first risings, and so he will have his Keeper every where with him: then, as he saith further, Let him follow that which is just not only in words but in deeds. He that is duly affected with shame of himself, will be careful to pay just respects in all due circumstances unto those he is mostly oblig'd to honour. (4.) Set about all your duties to your Parents willingly and readily, not with grudging or disdain, but with an holy warmth of heart, lifting up your selves to, and following hard after whatever God requires(y), in all affectionate expressions of a free and chearful spirit, sith all is to be in the Lord, who loves readiness(z). This manner of performance will be the more easie, if Children timely learn the great lesson of self-denial; and do really exercise that and love; they will then without bogling, go through the most unpleasant, uneasie, and mean imployments they are call'd unto, and concern'd to manage for their Parents; as Jacob's Sons did for their Father, after as well as before their marriage(a); and in his straits Judah express'd great readiness to comfort his Father(b). Ruth, as was noted before, was very exemplary in this manner of obedience(c); but Isaac's readiness was the most singular(d), till Christ himself (whom he typified) came; then saith he to his Father(e), I delight to do thy will, O my God, thy Law is within my heart. Believe it, Willingness puts a great acceptableness upon duties: Children are bound always to will, though not always to act; they should readily embrace all opportunities. 'Tis said, Amasiah the Son of Zichri willingly offer'd himself unto the Lord(f); and so should ingenuous Children be ever ready (as Paul was in Christ)
*[Greek or Hebrew]. Carmin.〈non-Latin alphabet〉. Carmin.
and not to he avoided because expensive, but to be done with a ready and cheerful mind for their use, and with joy we are put to those pains and expenses for their sakes (5.) Persevere in all, and be constant with diligence unto ⟨p. 435⟩the end; whatever temptations you meet with. Let not the instructions you have received according to godliness depart from your heart all the days of your life(h). Be not fickle or inconstant; but hold out in all circumstances, though your Parents be aged and decayed(i), so long as they and you coexist in this world, and the Relation remains. Be like constant Ruth and holy Joseph, when advanced; he continued his obedience to the very last moment of his dear Father's life, and after(k): a virtue wherein, it seems Samuel's sons were defective(l), but Jonadab's were praise-worthy(m) (as well as others after their Parents decease) when tempted to the contrary: yea, though it was in a business unpleasing to flesh and blood. They did as Physicians prescribe to their Patients, receive their Father's documents cum debitâ custodiâ, so as not to indulge their appetites in that he forbade them, but persevere in observing his injunction. This is praise-worthy. Nay, though our Parents should not submit to the yoke of Christ, we should not withdraw our neck from their yoke, nor desist from obedience to them, so far as it hinders not our obedience to Christ; but should hold out, that none take our Crown. As Antonius said†, Remember well you ought to be a good man, and that which the nature of man requires of you, this do constantly: So that which the Nature of your Relation calls for, do it with all your might, and never suffer your self to be diverted or recalled from it. Having found the true way of obedience, go on in it, and be not turned back again, remembering what our blessed Lord and Master saith, He that shall endure to the end, the same shall be saved(n). After these Particulars to Children, I must crave leave before I shut up
and not to he avoided because expensive, but to be done with a ready and chearful mind for their use, and with joy we are put to those pains and expences for their sakes (5.) Persevere in all, and be constant with diligence unto ⟨p. 435⟩the end; whatever temptations you meet with. Let not the instructions you have received according to godliness depart from your heart all the days of your life(h). Be not fickle or inconstant; but hold out in all circumstances, though your Parents be aged and decay'd(i), so long as they and you coexist in this world, and the Relation remains. Be like constant Ruth and holy Joseph, when advanc'd; he continued his obedience to the very last moment of his dear Father's life, and after(k): a vertue wherein, it seems Samuel's sons were defective(l), but Jonadab's were praise-worthy(m) (as well as others after their Parents decease) when tempted to the contrary: yea, though it was in a business unpleasing to flesh and blood. They did as Physicians prescribe to their Patients, receive their Father's documents cum debitâ custodiâ, so as not to indulge their appetites in that he forbad them, but persevere in observing his injunction. This is praise-worthy. Nay, though our Parents should not submit to the yoke of Christ, we should not withdraw our neck from their yoke, nor desist from obedience to them, so far as it hinders not our obedience to Christ; but should hold out, that none take our Crown. As Antonius said†, Remember well you ought to be a good man, and that which the nature of man requires of you, this do constantly: So that which the Nature of your Relation calls for, do it with all your might, and never suffer your self to be diverted or recalled from it. Having found the true way of obedience, go on in it, and be not turned back again, remembring vvhat our blessed Lord and Master saith, He that shall endure to the end, the same shall be saved(n). After these Particulars to Children, I must crave leave before I shut up
2. To say somewhat in particular unto Parents, to direct and help them §2likewise to manage their office in an evangelical manner. 1. Be sure that you your selves do keep up the life and power of godliness in your own domestic practise, that hereby your children may be kept from corruption in a bad air, and encouraged in an holy conversation. I have already hinted something of this, concerning the exemplariness of Parents, and in the premised general duty of their good behaviour; and therefore shall not need to enlarge much upon it here. Only suggest this, that you are to walk in your integrity, as for your own, so for your posterity's comfort, in the family exercise of Religion, by behaving your self wisely in an upright way, and walking within your house with an upright heart(o): showing your selves in all things patterns of good works(p): And putting persons and things into their proper places, to prevent confusion, which else will arise, and much obstruct you in your most important offices. This will gain a reputation to your Government, and facilitate the management of particular duties. When your children see what a gloss you put upon holiness by your sincere, cheerful, and grave Christian deportment; they begin to discern the pleasantness of the ways of wisdom, the excellency of the life of faith, and the odiousness of flesh-pleasing courses; and so come to esteem your instructions, which are very legible and easy to be understood by such a practical commentary. The holy life of John the Baptist had some influence ⟨p. 436⟩upon Herod's affections for a time(q), to gain honour and respect from him. And Solomon saith, A gracious woman retaineth honour(r); and a gracious man too: both of them in the Relation of Parents; where debauchery, though never so secret, and blanched with subtlety (but discerned by nearest Relations) proves as poison to the souls of their children; teaching them only with a fair outside, to imitate a politic Religion, which hath no spirit in it, but is flat and insipid, such as God will not relish: Whereas real and internal godliness, truly exercised by Parents, doth greatly quicken their children, and powerfully help both Parents and Children in all relative duties, which by their means will not be grievous, but delightful.
2. To say somewhat in particular unto Parents, to direct and help them §2likewise to manage their office in an evangelical manner. 1. Be sure that you your selves do keep up the life and power of godliness in your own domestick practise, that hereby your children may be kept from corruption in a bad air, and encourag'd in an holy conversation. I have already hinted something of this, concerning the exemplariness of Parents, and in the premis'd general duty of their good behaviour; and therefore shall not need to enlarge much upon it here. Only suggest this, that you are to walk in your integrity, as for your own, so for your posteritie's comfort, in the family exercise of Religion, by behaving your self wisely in an upright way, and walking within your house with an upright heart(o): shewing your selves in all things patterns of good works(p): And putting persons and things into their proper places, to prevent confusion, which else will arise, and much obstruct you in your most important offices. This will gain a reputation to your Government, and facilitate the management of particular duties. When your children see what a gloss you put upon holiness by your sincere, chearful, and grave Christian deportment; they begin to discern the pleasantness of the ways of wisdom, the excellency of the life of faith, and the odiousness of flesh-pleasing courses; and so come to esteem your instructions, which are very legible and easie to be understood by such a practical commentary. The holy life of John the Baptist had some influence ⟨p. 436⟩upon Herod's affections for a time(q), to gain honour and respect from him. And Solomon saith, A gracious woman retaineth honour(r); and a gracious man too: both of them in the Relation of Parents; where debauchery, though never so secret, and blanch'd with subtilty (but discern'd by nearest Relations) proves as poison to the souls of their children; teaching them only with a fair outside, to imitate a politick Religion, which hath no spirit in it, but is flat and insipid, such as God will not relish: Whereas real and internal godliness, truly exercis'd by Parents, doth greatly quicken their children, and powerfully help both Parents and Children in all relative duties, which by their means will not be grievous, but delightful.
But if Parents be insincere, and have not their hearts right with God, and carry not themselves blamelessly, having blots in their own conversation, they will find the duties I have been speaking of to be very difficult and insuccessful: as we may learn from the Apologue of the Mother Crab†, who had her Son go straight forward, sith it was indecent to crawl sideling, awry, and backwards: who answered, I will do it Mother, if I shall first see you your self doing so before me. Unholy Parents do indeed by their unholiness contradict that hearty reverence they require from their Children, and render the means of their education unprofitable. Those Parents, who would prosper in their conduct, should, like that worthy Bishop of Antioch*, by a good conversation commend their instructions, [Greek or Hebrew] , teaching with words, and confirming the words with an holy life. They themselves should, as the Elders said to Boaz(s), do worthily in Ephrata, and be famous in Bethlehem: put iniquity far from their hands, and let it not dwell in their tabernacle(t); lest, notwithstanding they otherwise be at pains for the education and maintenance of their Children, the Lord shall have no joy in them(u), and never suffer them to be removed(w). And as you are to put away all iniquity; so particularly that of flattery to friends, lest the eyes of your Children should fail(x). Be persuaded then, Christian Parents, to take his advice, who said, Where, wheresoever thou shalt be, live to God, who is the donor of thy life: Live to thy Conscience, which is the life of thy life: Live to thy good Name, which is a life after this life; and (then I may add) will flourish most in thy Posterity. (2.) Maintain your parental authority, and assert the dignity of your Relation; yet not with lordly rigour, but still with love and mildness. 'Tis good not to lose the power God hath given you in superiority over your Children, through any neglect of using it, or by making your self cheap in any unbecoming familiarity: but then take care that you exercise it in equity, with all gentleness and gravity: Let none despise you(y). Thus Abraham being in God's stead, he would command for God, and he is commended for it (z)(as we have heard). If a Father's honour belong to you, you should not suffer it to be trampled upon, or lightly esteemed(a). If you let go the reins of your Government, you cannot rule well;
But if Parents be insincere, and have not their hearts right with God, and carry not themselves blamelesly, having blots in their own conversation, they will find the duties I have been speaking of to be very difficult and insuccessful: as we may learn from the Apologue of the Mother Crab†, who had her Son go streight forward, sith it was indecent to crawl sideling, awry, and backwards: who answer'd, I will do it Mother, if I shall first see you your self doing so before me. Unholy Parents do indeed by their unholiness contradict that hearty reverence they require from their Children, and render the means of their education unprofitable. Those Parents, who would prosper in their conduct, should, like that worthy Bishop of Antioch*, by a good conversation commend their instructions, 〈non-Latin alphabet〉 , teaching with words, and confirming the words with an holy life. They themselves should, as the Elders said to Boaz(s), do worthily in Ephrata, and be famous in Bethlehem: put iniquity far from their hands, and let it not dwell in their tabernacle(t); lest, notwithstanding they otherwise be at pains for the education and maintenance of their Children, the Lord shall have no joy in them(u), and never suffer them to be removed(w). And as you are to put away all iniquity; so particularly that of flattery to friends, lest the eyes of your Children should fail(x). Be perswaded then, Cristian Parents, to take his advice, who said, Where, wheresoever thou shalt be, live to God, who is the donor of thy life: Live to thy Conscience, which is the life of thy life: Live to thy good Name, which is a life after this life; and (then I may add) will flourish most in thy Posterity. (2.) Maintain your parental authority, and assert the dignity of your Relation; yet not with lordly rigour, but still with love and mildness. 'Tis good not to lose the power God hath given you in superiority over your Children, through any neglect of using it, or by making your self cheap in any unbecoming familiarity: but then take care that you exercise it in equity, with all gentleness and gravity: Let none despise you
†Cum dixisset Mater indecens esse non recta via incedere, sed obliquos intorquere gressus: faciam (inquit ille) mea Mater, site idem f•cientem prius videro.Cum dixisset Mater indecens esse non recta via incedere, sed obliquos intorquere gressus: faciam (inquit ille) mea Mater, si te idem f•cientem prius videro.
(x)Job 17.5. Ubi, ubi fueri, vive Deo, qui esi Dator vitae tuae; vive conscientiae, quae est vita vitae tuae; vive famae, quae est vita post vitam tuam.Job 17.5. Ʋbi, ubi fueri, vive Deo, qui esi Dator vitae tuae; vive conscientiae, quae est vita vitae tuae; vive famae, quae est vita post vitam tuam.
when the Master of the Ship lets go the helm, his Vessel is driven before the wind and tide. Those Parents who live according to the former direction, will be the better able to observe this: For justice ⟨p. 437⟩and holiness are venerable both in man and woman, as was noted there(b). These will gain respects to persons in a Family, though they have not authority, to restrain others from evil, keep them in a kind of awe, and gain at least a formal approbation of virtuous actions; much more when they are eminent in those vested with Authority, as Parents are, who (as an holy man ‖lately directed) should take care their Children be neither too bold with them, nor yet too strange or fearful. They are not to be treated as servants, but as the fruits of your own bodies. Too much familiarity will over-embolden them, and too little countenance will discourage them. Endeavour to attain the good skill of upholding, and using well, the preeminence of your station and relation. Some Parents do not only abuse their authority in putting their Children upon things unlawful, as Laban(c), Saul(d), Herodias(e); but also by their own disobedience to God, and their sinful indulgence(f). David himself it seems under a temptation did disparage himself, and lessen his own authority, which gave occasion to his son Absalom's rebellion against him. A virtuous management of power, with an unaffected amiable gravity, is necessary to keep a Superior from being slighted. In commanding of virtue, and restraining of vice in your Children, you are concerned to see your pleasure be executed; but then your injunctions must be founded in love, and designed for good: Hence you are obliged, as Salvian *hath determined, to see, that what you resolve upon, be with judgment, and good discretion, as you expect good success. When your orders are thus circumstantiated, you will do well to see them performed, and not to connive at your Children's disobedience, nor to please their peccant humour, lest (saith Euripides†) you afterwards weep, when it is too late. (3.) Sweeten all with pathetic expressions of endearing kindness, to insinuate the more into their affections; but still with Christian prudence: this will make your government much more easy and acceptable. Solomon gives us an account of the affectionateness of his Father, and the tenderness of his Mother to him, when engaging him to duty(g).
when the Master of the Ship lets go the helm, his Vessel is driven before the wind and tide. Those Parents who live according to the former direction, will be the better able to observe this: For justice ⟨p. 437⟩and holiness are venerable both in man and woman, as was noted there(b). These will gain respects to persons in a Family, though they have not authority, to restrain others from evil, keep them in a kind of awe, and gain at least a formal approbation of vertuous actions; much more when they are eminent in those vested with Authority, as Parents are, who (as an holy man ‖lately directed) should take care their Children be neither too bold with them, nor yet too strange or fearful. They are not to be treated as servants, but as the fruits of your own bodies. Too much familiarity will over-embolden them, and too little countenance will discourage them. Endeavour to attain the good skill of upholding, and using well, the preheminence of your station and relation. Some Parents do not only abuse their authority in putting their Children upon things unlawful, as Laban(c), Saul(d), Herodias(e); but also by their own disobedience to God, and their sinful indulgence(f). David himself it seems under a temptation did disparage himself, and lessen his own authority, which gave occasion to his son Absolom's rebellion against him. A vertuous management of power, with an unaffected amiable gravity, is necessary to keep a Superiour from being sleighted. In commanding of vertue, and restraining of vice in your Children, you are concern'd to see your pleasure be executed; but then your injunctions must be founded in love, and design'd for good: Hence you are oblig'd, as Salvian *hath determined, to see, that what you resolve upon, be with judgment, and good discretion, as you expect good success. When your orders are thus circumstantiated, you will do well to see them performed, and not to connive at your Childrens disobedience, nor to please their peccant humour, lest (saith Euripides†
Bathsheba useth an abrupt kind of speech, which importeth abundance of affection: What my son? and what the son of my womb? and what the son of my vows? implying more of kindness than she was able to express, to stir him up, as one whom his Mother comforteth(h). Nothing doth more cheer up and is more sweet and pleasing to Children, than the due commendation of the Parent‖. So in our History of Martyrs, William Hunter's Mother cheered up her son in that great duty of bearing testimony to Jesus Christ; saying, William, I think thee as well bestowed, as ever any child that I bare in my womb. Thus Jacob did in an holy wile get as it were into Joseph's heart, by insinuating the special kindness he had for his dear Rachel, Joseph's Mother(i). If you gain your Children's hearts, then they will give ear to you, so as to observe what you would have done(k). Hence it is that our Heavenly Father in Scripture is so abundant in satisfying us of his love(l), that he may gain our hearts and affections: Your converse then with your children in all parental offices, should in all decent manner be still expressive of love; thus ⟨p. 438⟩much is peculiarly implied in my Text, which inhibits discouragement. From love and tender bowels(m), if tears or compassionate expressions be mingled with instructions, this will help much to win and commend Children unto goodness. Suitable gifts and rewards prudently and seasonably bestowed will allure them: Upon which account it is that Tertullian *saith, The name of Piety is more grateful than that of power, yea, they are called Fathers, rather then Lords of the Family. Hence also Pliny †was taken with a similitude of Homers‖, which he useth once and again, to show that a Prince should be moderate in his Government; even as a Father is gentle in ruling of his Children. So the People esteemed Joseph under Pharaoh, when he had power in Egypt, when he procured such hearty obeisance(n), that some render that word tender Father (as in the Margin) which in our Translation is, bow the knee. Certainly the great friendship betwixt Parents and Children requires all expressions of endearments; as in the tongue of the prudent woman there should ever be the law of kindness(o). For as Maximus Tyrius *observes in another case, so here: If once the power of friendship be enervated, there is nothing but it may easily move Relatives to anger, and disturb them:
Bathsheba useth an abrupt kind of speech, which importeth abundance of affection: What my son? and what the son of my womb? and what the son of my vowes? implying more of kindness than she was able to express, to stir him up, as one whom his Mother comforteth(h). Nothing doth more chear up and is more sweet and pleasing to Children, than the due commendation of the Parent‖. So in our History of Martyrs, William Hunter's Mother cheared up her son in that great duty of bearing testimony to Jesus Christ; saying, William, I think thee as well bestow'd, as ever any child that I bare in my womb. Thus Jacob did in an holy wile get as it were into Joseph's heart, by insinuating the special kindness he had for his dear Rachel, Joseph's Mother(i). If you gain your Childrens hearts, then they will give ear to you, so as to observe what you would have done(k). Hence it is that our Heavenly Father in Scripture is so abundant in satisfying us of his love(l), that he may gain our hearts and affections: Your converse then with your children in all parental offices, should in all decent manner be still expressive of love; thus ⟨p. 438⟩much is peculiarly imply'd in my Text, which inhibits discouragement. From love and tender bowels(m), if tears or compassionate expressions be mingled with instructions, this will help much to win and commend Children unto goodness. Suitable gifts and rewards prudently and seasonably bestow'd will allure them: Upon which account it is that Tertullian *saith, The name of Piety is more grateful than that of power, yea, they are called Fathers, rather then Lords of the Family. Hence also Pliny †was taken with a similitude of Homers‖, which he useth once and again, to shew that a Prince should be moderate in his Government; even as a Father is gentle in ruling of his Children. So the People esteemed Joseph under Pharaoh, when he had power in Aegypt, when he procured such hearty obeysance
even as by taking the rudder from a Ship, it is very soon tossed any way. And here I think it very advisable, that Parents who have their infirmities, should encourage their honest Children, by giving a favourable ear unto their humble and discreet monitions and good advice for their honour and spiritual welfare: even as Saul did, being convicted with reason, hearken unto the voice of Jonathan his son(p): And as Terah, upon the discovery which his son Abraham did from the Lord make to him, complied with his advice for the removing of himself and family(q). (4.) Labour to carry it with all evenness and impartiality to every child, according to a rational proportion, so that it may be evident, you account all that descend from you dear or beloved Children, as God himself doth his(r); for you are really concerned in all. 'Tis true, you should very distinctly observe the different carriages of your Children towards God, your self, and others; to approve virtue, and disapprove vice: but yet you are to cherish, as near as may be, an equal desire of doing them all good alike: not hugging one, and hunching another out of some partial respect, or distorted apprehension. A good Parent, as one† ingeniously notes, should observe a species of Gavelkind in dividing his affections to his children, to prevent envying amongst them: and if the expression thereof be different, it should be with equity and discretion, that they in their own consciences may plainly read the reasons of it. Though there is no necessity to make an equal distribution of Estate, wherein the right of Primogeniture may seem from Scripture (s)(as abovesaid) to claim a greater proportion; unless some kind of rebellion put in a demurrer. For however a prudent Parent should, like a well-drawn Picture, cast an eye equally upon all his Children, in point of affection: yet, when he makes a distribution of his Estate in point of justice, it can be no disparagement to him, to encourage the obedient with a reward; when by an equitable abatement he may suffer the disobedient ⟨p. 439⟩justly to feel the smart of his misbehaviour: But yet he is concerned to be indifferent and impartial, the same to every child in the same circumstances. It is, I confess, rare to find a Parent indeed of this excellent temper amongst the sons of men: but a truly Christian Parent should strive to resemble God in it;
even as by taking the rudder from a Ship, it is very soon tossed any way. And here I think it very advisable, that Parents who have their infirmities, should encourage their honest Children, by giving a favourable ear unto their humble and discreet monitions and good advice for their honour and spiritual welfare: even as Saul did, being convicted with reason, hearken unto the voice of Jonathan his son(p): And as Terah, upon the discovery which his son Abraham did from the Lord make to him, comply'd with his advice for the removing of himself and family(q). (4.) Labour to carry it with all eavenness and impartiality to every child, according to a rational proportion, so that it may be evident, you account all that descend from you dear or beloved Children, as God himself doth his(r); for you are really concern'd in all. 'Tis true, you should very distinctly observe the different carriages of your Children towards God, your self, and others; to approve vertue, and disapprove vice: but yet you are to cherish, as near as may be, an equal desire of doing them all good alike: not hugging one, and hunching another out of some partial respect, or distorted apprehension. A good Parent, as one† ingeniously notes, should observe a species of Gavelkind in dividing his affections to his children, to prevent envying amongst them: and if the expression thereof be different, it should be with equity and discretion, that they in their own consciences may plainly read the reasons of it. Though there is no necessity to make an equal distribution of Estate, wherein the right of Primogeniture may seem from Scripture (s)(as abovesaid) to claim a greater proportion; unless some kind of rebellion put in a demurrer. For however a prudent Parent should, like a well-drawn Picture, cast an eye equally upon all his Children, in point of affection: yet, when he makes a distribution of his Estate in point of justice, it can be no disparagement to him, to encourage the obedient with a reward; when by an equitable abatement he may suffer the disobedient ⟨p. 439⟩justly to feel the smart of his misbehaviour: But yet he is concern'd to be indifferent and impartial, the same to every child in the same circumstances. It is, I confess, rare to find a Parent indeed of this excellent temper amongst the sons of men: but a truly Christian Parent should strive to resemble God in it;
sith as every child came from his own substance, so he is to give an equal account to God of all; and therefore should labour to overcome sense with reason, and in very deed exhibit himself upon a due expense of circumstances one and the same to all. So that they, who upon by and undue respects do prefer one child to another, whiles led by a partial affection, cannot manage parental duties in a manner well-pleasing to God. 'Tis said Scipio Africanus *was so afraid of being unkind to his child (as too many are) for a natural defect, that he rather showed most affection to his Son that was a fool, saying, He was most worthy of commiseration, whom nature did favour least. (5.) And last of all, Advise with your faithful Pastors and spiritual Guides, especially in more intricate circumstances; yea, and study well your office. Which that you may perform acceptably, 'tis good also to get what assistance you can from others, to help you in the management thereof. As Manoah did not only seek the Lord, but consulted the Angel concerning his Son Sampson, how they should order him, and how they should do unto him(t): so should Parents endeavour to inform themselves, and get the best counsel they can from those God hath set over them in the ministration of ordinances(u), sith now under the Gospel they are as spiritual Fathers appointed for the feeding of Christ's sheep and his lambs(w), which are directed to find pasture by the shepherds tents(x), and there get waters and balm for healing. Monica, Augustin's Mother†, repaired to them for aid to reduce her Son: and indeed theirs is, as John Baptist's Ministry was, to bring all to rights betwixt Parents and Children, according to the Prophet's prediction(z), He shall turn the hearts of the Fathers to the Children, and the hearts of the Children to their Fathers, lest I come and strike the earth with a curse. Of so great advantage is the right and hearty discharge of these relative duties, I have been treating on, for the saving of Nations, and particular Churches from ruin and desolation: Yea, and so greatly instrumental are the Ministers of Christ, for helping them in their duties, that it concerns honest Parents, as to consult those who are holy, and able in the Ministry, for their Children's good: so to commend such faithful Ministers to them, as are worthy of their respect;
sith as every child came from his own substance, so he is to give an equal account to God of all; and therefore should labour to overcome sense with reason, and in very deed exhibit himself upon a due expence of circumstances one and the same to all. So that they, who upon by and undue respects do prefer one child to another, whiles led by a partial affection, cannot manage parental duties in a manner well-pleasing to God. 'Tis said Scipio Africanus *was so affraid of being unkind to his child (as too many are) for a natural defect, that he rather shew'd most affection to his Son that was a fool, saying, He was most worthy of commiseration, whom nature did favour least. (5.) And last of all, Advise with your faithful Pastors and spiritual Guides, especially in more intricate circumstances; yea, and study well your office. Which that you may perform acceptably, 'tis good also to get what assistance you can from others, to help you in the management thereof. As Manoah did not only seek the Lord, but consulted the Angel concerning his Son Sampson, how they should order him, and how they should do unto him(t): so should Parents endeavour to inform themselves, and get the best counsel they can from those God hath set over them in the ministration of ordinances(u), sith now under the Gospel they are as spiritual Fathers appointed for the feeding of Christ's sheep and his lambs(w), which are directed to find pasture by the shepherds tents(x), and there get waters and balm for healing. Monica, Augustin's Mother†, repair'd to them for aid to reduce her Son: and indeed theirs is, as John Baptist's Ministry was, to bring all to rights betwixt Parents and Children, according to the Prophet's prediction(z), He shall turn the hearts of the Fathers to the Children, and the hearts of the Children to their Fathers, lest I come and strike the earth with a curse. Of so great advantage is the right and hearty discharge of these relative duties, I have been treating on, for the saving of Nations, and particular Churches from ruin and desolation: Yea, and so greatly instrumental are the Ministers of Christ, for helping them in their duties, that it concerns honest Parents, as to consult those who are holy, and able in the Ministry, for their Childrens good: so to commend such faithful Ministers to them, as are worthy of their respect;
*Dignus commiseratione magis est, cui natura faves minus.
and to warn their Children to avoid such persons, as are likely to draw them off from goodness: yea, and particularly in disposing of their Children, especially into a Calling of public consequence, 'twill be very requisite to consult those who are most able to judge in their own profession; as in Divinity, Physic, or Law, that they may be tried by the faithful and skilful of that profession, whether qualified for that they are designed; lest you attempt that which cannot be effected (as Quintilian †observes) by putting them upon what they are unapt for; or hinder them from that they have a genius to, and wherein they would be most serviceable. And ⟨p. 440⟩it will be good to take advice in choosing sit Educators and Tutors, according to your abilities. David had such learned ones as Tutors with his Sons, 2to see them instructed, as became the Princes of Israel (a). But here Parents should be very careful unto whose conduct they commit their Children, or whom they take in to assist them, that they be religious, orthodox, discreet, humble, courteous, skilful, and not covetous, nor careless, but diligent. 'Twas the great concern of reverend Claviger, to have those that feared God about him, to do what he could his Wife and Children might be such, and then he thought them well provided for. Luther kept one within his house to teach his Children, that he might see them well-principled and ordered, as well as learned. And the abovenamed Quintilian *from Nature's light could say, If any one in choosing a Tutor for his Son did not shun manifest wickedness; hence let him know that other things also, which we endeavour to compose for the profit of youth, prove useless and ineffectual, this being neglected. This Constantius †was well aware of, when he was solicitous his Cousin Julian should not have or hear Ethnic Tutors, lest considering his temper, he should decline to the abomination of Gentilism: But notwithstanding his care, Julian privately got the writings of Libanius an Heathen Philosopher; and after that of Maximus, who under-hand laboured to pervert him, in hopes he would come to the Empire: and to hide this instilled poison from Constantius, Julian counterfeited for a time a monastic life;
and to warn their Children to avoid such persons, as are likely to draw them off from goodness: yea, and particularly in disposing of their Children, especially into a Calling of publique consequence, 'twill be very requisite to consult those who are most able to judge in their own profession; as in Divinity, Physick, or Law, that they may be tryed by the faithful and skilful of that profession, whether qualified for that they are designed; lest you attempt that which cannot be effected (as Quintilian †observes) by putting them upon what they are unapt for; or hinder them from that they have a genius to, and wherein they would be most serviceable. And ⟨p. 440⟩it will be good to take advice in choosing sit Educators and Tutors, according to your abilities. David had such learned ones as Tutors with his Sons, 2to see them instructed, as became the Princes of Israel (a). But here Parents should be very careful unto whose conduct they commit their Children, or whom they take in to assist them, that they be religious, orthodox, discreet, humble, courteous, skilful, and not covetous, nor careless, but diligent. 'Twas the great concern of reverend Claviger, to have those that feared God about him, to do what he could his Wife and Children might be such, and then he thought them well provided for. Luther kept one within his house to teach his Children, that he might see them well-principled and ordered, as well as learned. And the abovenamed Quintilian *from Nature's light could say, If any one in choosing a Tutor for his Son did not shun manifest wickedness; hence let him know that other things also, which we endeavour to compose for the profit of youth, prove useless and ineffectual, this being neglected. This Constantius †was well aware of, when he was solicitous his Cousin Julian should not have or hear Ethnic Tutors, lest considering his temper, he should decline to the abomination of Gentilism: But notwithstanding his care, Julian privately got the writings of Libanius an Heathen Philosopher; and after that of Maximus, who under-hand laboured to pervert him, in hopes he would come to the Empire: and to hide this instill'd poyson from Constantius, Julian counterfeited for a time a monastick life;
†Nè tentes quod effici non potest; n•c ab eo quod quis e• timè facit, in aliud cui nimis est idoneus cum transferas.
*Si quis in eligendo filii praeceptore manifesta flagitia non vitet: jam hinc sciat caetera quoque, quae ad utilitatem juventutis componere conamur, esse sibi, hac parte omissa, supervacua. l. 2. Inst. c. 2.
then openly in pretence read the Bible, but secretly studied in earnest the Ethnic Doctrines, which made him a most bitter enemy to the Christians, when advanced to the Empire, as the ancient Church experienced. 'Tis dangerous to commit a Lamb to to the conduct of a Wolf. On the other hand, Theodosius junior ‖was from his Cradle by his dying Father entrusted with his excellent and pious Sister Pulcheria (then but 15 years old, and having two younger Sisters, Arcadia and Marina) who got him instructed by such Tutors, especially in the true Religion, accustoming him to prayer, and diligently to frequent the Assemblies, that he had in great esteem the faithful Ministers, and other Godly men, who were lovers of Religion, and so proved very instrumental for the Orthodox Faith, and the advancement of Piety. In our own Land, and nearer our times, we have a notable instance of Sir John Cheek, who being Tutor to King Edward the Sixth, 2was a special instrument of raising up and promoting the Reformed Religion amongst us: for he was not only instrumental to sow the seeds of that Doctrine in the Prince's heart, which afterwards grew up to a general Reformation, when he came to be King, but by his means the same saving truth was gently instilled into the Lady Elizabeth by those, who by his procurement were admitted to be the Guides of her younger studies. It is of great concern therefore to get good advice and assistance in the education of Children, and for their encouragement to reward those well, who are profitably employed in this work, according to the Parents abilities, and their deserts; and for my own part, I should account it better to spare in other matters, than in this for good assistance to train up Children. Thus I have, as I could in my circumstances, dispatched what I proposed: and now I dare upon the whole ⟨p. 441⟩matter affirm,, That I have laid down nothing in all this discourse, but what I hope is (at least for the main) agreeable to the mind of God; and what by his assistance, I my self should desire, and really endeavour to practise, either in the relation of Parent or Child, which is all the Apology I shall make for my plain dealing: But shall conclude with those precatory expressions in the Psalms, a very little varied with respect to those Parents who heartily embrace the word of exhortation.(b)
then openly in pretence read the Bible, but secretly studied in earnest the Ethnic Doctrines, which made him a most bitter enemy to the Christians, when advanc'd to the Empire, as the ancient Church experienc'd. 'Tis dangerous to commit a Lamb to to the conduct of a Wolf. On the other hand, Theodosius junior ‖was from his Cradle by his dying Father entrusted with his excellent and pious Sister Pulcheria (then but 15 years old, and having two younger Sisters, Arcadia and Marina) who got him instructed by such Tutors, especially in the true Religion, accustoming him to prayer, and diligently to frequent the Assemblies, that he had in great esteem the faithful Ministers, and other Godly men, who were lovers of Religion, and so prov'd very instrumental for the Orthodox Faith, and the advancement of Piety. In our own Land, and nearer our times, we have a notable instance of Sir John Cheek, who being Tutor to King Edward the Sixth, 2was a special instrument of raising up and promoting the Reformed Religion amongst us: for he was not only instrumental to sow the seeds of that Doctrine in the Prince's heart, which afterwards grew up to a general Reformation, when he came to be King, but by his means the same saving truth was gently instill'd into the Lady Elizabeth by those, who by his procurement were admitted to be the Guides of her younger studies. It is of great concern therefore to get good advice and assistance in the education of Children, and for their encouragement to reward those well, who are profitably employ'd in this work, according to the Parents abilities, and their deserts; and for my own part, I should account it better to spare in other matters, than in this for good assistance to train up Children. Thus I have, as I could in my circumstances, dispatch'd what I propos'd: and now I dare upon the whole ⟨p. 441⟩matter affirm,, That I have laid down nothing in all this discourse, but what I hope is (at least for the main) agreeable to the mind of God; and what by his assistance, I my self should desire, and really endeavour to practise, either in the relation of Parent or Child, which is all the Apologie I shall make for my plain dealing: But shall conclude with those precatory expressions in the Psalms, a very little varied with respect to those Parents who heartily embrace the word of exhortation.(b)
: but yet in such a case it should (if possible) be with so much caution, as may prove there is no sleighting of the Relation, but a desire to keep up the honour of that, by an hearty sorrow for the failure.
, in all that is well-pleasing to God, whose honour is the end ingenuous Children should aim at, by just and honest means, in the exercise of their duties, keeping themselves from their iniquities
: It is fit we should not withdraw our selves from performing with our own hands what our Parents require, as occasion serves; but by how much the more mean and servile the offices, by so much should Children think them the more honest and laudable;
. If you let go the reins of your Government, you cannot rule well;
) you afterwards weep, when it is too late. (3.) Sweeten all with pathetick expressions of endearing kindness, to insinuate the more into their affections; but still with Christian prudence: this will make your government much more easie and acceptable. Solomon gives us an account of the affectionateness of his Father, and the tenderness of his Mother to him, when engaging him to duty
, that some render that word tender Father (as in the Margent) which in our Translation is, bow the knee. Certainly the great friendship betwixt Parents and Children requires all expressions of endearments; as in the tongue of the prudent woman there should ever be the law of kindness
observes in another case, so here: If once the power of friendship be enervated, there is nothing but it may easily move Relatives to anger, and disturb them:
