Christian letters full of spiritual instructions tending to the promoting of the power of…

LETTER. XXXVI. [To his Wife, Desires after Heaven.]

MY heart is now a little at rest to write to thee. I have been these three days much disturbed, and set out of frame. Strong solicitations I have had from several hands, to accept very honourable preferment in several kinds, some friends making a Journey on purpose to propound it, but I have not found the invitations (though I confess very honourable, and such as are or will be suddenly embraced by men of far greater worth and eminency) to suit with the inclinations of my own heart, as I was confident they would not with thine. I have sent away my friends satisfied with the reasons of my refusal, and am now ready with joy to say with David. Soul return unto thy rest. But alas, that such things should disturb me, I would live above this lower region, that no passages or providence whatsoever might put me out of frame, nor disquiet my soul, and unsettle me from my desirest rest. I would have my heart fixed upon God, so as no occurrences might disturb my tranquility, but I might be still in the same quiet and even frame. Well, though I am apt to be unsettled, and quickly set off the hinges, yet methinks I am like a Bird ⟨p. 121⟩out of the nest, I am never quiet till I am in my old way of Communion with God, like the needle in the Compass that is restless, till it be turned towards the Pole. I can say through grace with the Church, with my soul have I desired thee in the night, and with my Spirit within me have I sought thee early, my heart is early and late with God, and 'tis the business and delight of my life to seek him. But alas, how long shall I be a seeking? how long shall I spend my days in wishing and desiring, when my glorified Brethren spend theirs in rejoicing and enjoying? look as the poor imprisoned captive sighs under the burdensome clog of his Irons and can only pear through the Grace, and think of, and long for the sweetness of that liberty which he sees others enjoy: such methinks is my condition: I can only look through the Grate of this Prison my flesh, I see Abraham, and Isaac, and Job, sitting down in the Kingdom of God, but alas, I my self must stand without longing, striving, fighting, running, praying, waiting, for what they are enjoying. Oh happy, thrice happy pols! when shall these Fetters of mine be knocked off? when shall I be set at liberty from this Prison of my body? you are clothed with glory, when I am clothed with dust.