Remains of that excellent minister of Jesus Christ, Mr. Joseph Alleine being a collection…Remaines of that excellent minister of Jesus Christ, Mr. Joseph Alleine being a collection…

In the mean while I should be contented, if I could walk up to that dim light I have; but alas: I have so stubborn, so headstrong a will, that it will not use the light I ⟨p. 314⟩have; my understanding is backward in assenting to the truths propounded, but how much more backward is my will in consenting and practising? so that I am even like them in the Prophet, Brutish in my knowledge. Who would believe, did they see my coldness, and deadness in •oly Duties, how remiss I am, when begging pardon of sin, for mortifying and quickening grace, that I were begging for my life? who would think by my negligence in the ways of God, and that wretched indifferency that is in my heart, that I did believe the Kingdom of Heaven was to be taken by violence, and that the gate was so strait, and the way so narrow that leads to life. Oh Hypocrisy! I preach up diligence, and I live in sloth; I preach up humility, and live in pride; I speak of the vanity of the creature, yet I idolize it; of the sinfulness of sin, yet I cherish it; of the life of faith, yet am a stranger to it. I believe that sin is the greatest evil, and that Gods wrath is the greatest Curse; but alas! how strangely do I live below these principles! how am I apt and ready notwithstanding, to choose sin, rather than affliction, and venture the displeasure of the Almighty, to gain credit and applause amongst men? If it be hard to believe, how much harder is it to practise? I know but little, and yet how little do I of what I know? The flesh is still lusting against the spirit, so that I cannot do the things that I would; yet though my strength be but weak, how short do I come of doing all I can? and what a ⟨p. 315⟩secret Antipathy is there in my heart against the truths of God, and the ways of God? though my understanding be over-poured with the evidence of truth; yet I do not receive it in the love of it. O the deep enmity that there is in my heart against Christ, notwithstanding all the personal excellencies that I know to be in him, and all the benefits I have received from him! he shed his heartblood for me, and yet I do begrudge any service for him. Oh how willingly did he bear the Cross for me! Yea, was exceedingly straitened till that Baptism was accomplished, I delight (saith he) to do thy will O God, and yet he tells us this was the will of his Father, that he should lay down his life for his Sheep;