Richard Baxter's dying thoughts upon Phil. I, 23 written for his own life and…

And therefore in general we may conclude that we feel not God's Love shed abroad upon the Heart, because the Heart is undisposed, and is not in the next disposition thereto: And abused free will hath been the cause of that. That we have Grace is to be ascribed to God: That we are without it is to be ascribed to our selves.

1. Heinous guilt of former sin may keep a Soul much without the delights of Divine love: And the heinousness is not only in the greatness of the evil done materially, but oft in our long and wilful committing of smaller sins against Knowledge and Conscience, and consideration. The Spirit thus grieved by hardened Hearts, and wilful repulses, is not quickly and easily a comforter to such a Soul; and when the sinner doth repent, it leaveth him more in uncertainty of his sincerity, when he thinks, I do but repent, purpose and promise now; and so I oft did, and yet returned the next temptation to my sin: And how can I tell that my Heart is not the fame, and I should sin again if I had the same temptations. O what doubts and perplexities doth oft wilful sinning prepare for.

1. Heinous guilt of former sin may keep a Soul much without the delights of Divine love: And the heinousness is not only in the greatness of the evil done materially, but oft in our long and willful committing of smaller sins against Knowledge and Conscience, and consideration. The Spirit thus grieved by hardened Hearts, and willful repulses, is not quickly and easily a comforter to such a Soul; and when the sinner doth repent, it leaveth him more in uncertainty of his sincerity, when he thinks, I do but repent, purpose and promise now; and so I oft did, and yet returned the next temptation to my sin: And how can I tell that my Heart is not the fame, and I should sin again if I had the same temptations. O what doubts and perplexities doth oft willful sinning prepare for.