Richard Baxter's dying thoughts upon Phil. I, 23 written for his own life and…

§ 17. I confess also that Man's Soul in Flesh is not fit to bear so deep a sense of Heaven, and Hell, as sight would cause; because it here operateth on and with the Body, and according to its capacity, which cannot bear so deep a sense, without distraction, by screwing up the Organs too high, till they break, and so over doing would undo all: But yet there is an over-ruling Seriousness, which a certain belief of future things must needs bring the Soul to, that truly hath it. And he that is careful and serious for this World, and looketh after a better, but with a slight, unwilling, half-regard, and in the second place, must give me leave to think that he believeth, ⟨p. 59⟩but as he liveth, and that his doubting or unbelief of the reality of a Heaven & Hell, is greater than his Belief.

§ 18. O then, for what should my Soul more pray, than for a clearer and a stronger Faith? I believe, Lord help my unbelief! I have many a Thousand times groaned to thee under the burden of this remnant of darkness and unbelief: I have many Thousand times thought of the Evidences of the Christian verity, and of the great necessity of a lively, powerful, active Faith. I have begged it: I have cried to thee Night and Day, Lord increase my Faith: I have written and spoken that to others, which might be most useful to my self, to raise the apprehensions of Faith, yet higher, and make them liker those of sense: But yet, yet Lord, how dark is this World? What a Dungeon is this Flesh? How little clearer is my sight, and little quicker are my perceptions, of unseen things, than long ago? Am I at the highest […] Man on Earth can reach? and that when I am so dark and low? Is there no growth of these apprehensions more to be expected? Doth the Soul cease its increase in vigorous Perception, when the Body ceaseth its increase or vigour of sensation? Must I sit down in so low a measure, while I am drawing nearer to the things believed? and am almost there where belief must pass into sight and love? or must I take up with the passive silence and inactivity, which some Friars persuade us is nearer to Perfection? and under pretence of Annihilation and Receptivity, let my sluggish Heart alone, and say that in this neglect I wait for thy Operations: O let not a Soul that is driven from this World, and weary of Vanity, and can think of little else but immortality, that seeks and cries both Night and Day, for the heavenly Light, and fain would have some foretaste of Glory, and some more of the first Fruits of the promised