Richard Baxter's dying thoughts upon Phil. I, 23 written for his own life and…

§ 19. But have I not expected more particular and more sensitive Conceptions of Heaven, and the State of blessed Souls, than I should have done, and remained less satisfied, because I expected such distinct Perceptions to my satisfaction which God doth not ordinarily give, to Souls in Flesh? I fear it hath been too much so: A distrust of God, and a distrustful desire to know much (Good and Evil) for our selves, as necessary to our quiet and satisfaction, was that sin which hath deeply corrupted Man's Nature, and is more of our common pravity than is commonly observed: I find that this Distrust of God, and my Redeemer, hath had too great a hand in my desires of a distincter and more sensible Knowledge: I know that I should implicitly, and absolutely, and quietly, trust my Soul into my Redeemers Hands; (of which I must speak more anon:) And it is not only for the Body, but also for the Soul, that a distrustful care is our great sin and Misery. But yet we must desire that our Knowledge and Belief may be as distinct and particular ⟨p. 61⟩as God's Revelations are; and we can Love no further than we know; and the more we know of God and Glory, the more we shall love, desire and trust him: It is a known and not merely an unknown God, and happiness that the Soul doth joyfully desire. And if I may not be ambitious of too sensible and distinct Perceptions here, of the things unseen; yet must I desire and beg the most fervent and sensible Love to them that I am capable of. I am willing (in part) to take up with that unavoidable ignorance, and that low degree of such Knowledge, which God confineth us to in the Flesh, so be it he will give me but such Consolatory foretasts in Love and Joy, which such a General imperfect Knowledge may consist with, that my Soul may not pass with distrust and terror, but with suitable triumphant Hopes, to the Everlasting pleasures.

§ 19. But have I not expected more particular and more sensitive Conceptions of Heaven, and the State of blessed Souls, than I should have done, and •emained less satisfied, because I expected such distinct Perceptions to my satisfaction which God doth not ordinarily give, to Souls in Flesh? I fear it hath been too much so: A distrust of God, and a distrustful desire to know much (Good and Evil) for our selves, as necessary to our quiet and satisfaction, was that sin which hath deeply corrupted Man's Nature, and is more of our common pravity than is commonly observed: I find that this Distrust of God, and my Redeemer, hath had too great a hand in my desires of a distincter and more sensible Knowledg: I know that I should implicitely, and absolutely, and quietly, trust my Soul into my Redeemers Hands; (of which I must speak more anon:) And it is not only for the Body, but also for the Soul, that a distrustful care is our great sin and Misery. But yet we must desire that our Knowledge and Belief may be as distinct and particular