Richard Baxter's dying thoughts upon Phil. I, 23 written for his own life and…

But alas, though these are my daily groans, how little yet do I ascend! I dare not blame the God of Love! He is full and willing! I dare not blame my blessed Saviour! He hath showed that he is not backward to do good! I dare not accuse the holy Spirit! It is his work to sanctify and comfort Souls! If I knew no reason of this my low and dark Estate, I must needs conclude that it is somewhat in my self! But, alas, my Conscience wants not matter, to satisfy me of the cause! Sinful resistance of the Spirit, and unthankful neglects of Grace and Glory, are undoubtedly the cause. But are they not a cause that Mercy can forgive? That grace can overcome: and may I not yet hope for such a Victory before I die.

But alas, though these are my daily groans, how little yet do I ascend! I dare not blame the God of Love! He is full and willing! I dare not blame my blessed Saviour! He hath shewed that he is not backward to do good! I dare not accuse the holy Spirit! It is his work to sanctifie and comfort Souls! If I knew no reason of this my low and dark Estate, I must needs conclude that it is somewhat in my self! But, alas, my Conscience wants not matter, to satisfie me of the cause! Sinful resistance of the Spirit, and unthankful neglects of Grace and Glory, are undoubtedly the cause. But are they not a cause that Mercy can forgive? That grace can overcome: and may I not yet hope for such a Victory before I die.

Lord, I will lie at thy doors and groan! I will pour out my moans before thee! I will beg, and whatever thou wilt do with me! Thou describest the kindness of the Dogs to a Lazarus that lay at a rich Man's Doors in Sores? Thou commendest the neighbourly pity of a Samaritan, that took care of a wounded Man! Thou condemnest those that will not show mercy to the poor and needy! Thou biddest us, Be merciful as our heavenly Father is merciful: ⟨p. 186⟩If we see our Brother have need and shut up the Bowels of our compassion from him, it is because thy love dwelleth not in us: And shall I wait then at thy Doors in vain and go empty away from such a God; when I beg but for that which thou hast commanded me to ask, and without which I cannot serve thee or come to thee, live or die in a habit beseeming a Member of Christ, a Child of God, and an Hir of Heaven? O give me the wedding Garment without which I shall but dishonour thy bounteous Feast: Let me wear a Livery which becometh thy Family, even a Child of God! How oft hast thou commanded […] to Rejoice? Yea, to rejoice with exceeding and unspeakable joy: And how fain would I in this obey thee? O that I had more faithfully obeyed thee in other preparatory duties, in ruling my Senses, my Fantasy, my Tongue, and in diligent using all thy Talents? Then I might more easily have obeyed thee in this! Thou knowest, Lord, that Love and Joy are duties that must have more than a Command: O bid me do them with an effecting word. How can I Rejoice in Death and Darkness: When the Bridegroom is absent I must fast and mourn While I look towards Heaven but through the crevices of this dungeon Flesh, my Love and Joy will be but answerable to my Light: How long is it since I hoped that I had been translated from the Kingdom of Darkness, and delivered from the power of the Prince of Darkness, and brought into that Light which is the entrance of the Inheritance of Saints: And yet alas, Darkness, Darkness is still my misery! There is Light round about me, in thy word and works, but darkness is within me. And if my Eye be dark, the Sun will be no Sun to me. Alas my Lord, it is no all the Learning