Richard Baxter's dying thoughts upon Phil. I, 23 written for his own life and…

§ 11. O God forbid! O thou that freely gavest me thy Grace, maintain it to the last against its Enemies, and make it finally victorious! It came from thee; it hath been preserved by thee; it is on thy side, and wholly for thee; O let it not now fail, and be conquered by blind and base Carnality, or by the temptations of a hellish conquered Enemy! without it I had lived as a Beast, and without it I should die more miserably than a Beast! It is thine Image which thou lovest; it is a Divine Nature, and heavenly ⟨p. 213⟩Beam; what will a Soul be without it, but a Dungeon of Darkness, a Devil for malignity, and dead to Holiness and Heaven? without it, who shall plead thy Cause against the Devil, World and Flesh? without thy Glory Earth is but Earth; without thy Natural Efficacy, it would be nothing; without thy wise and potent Ordination, it would be but a Chaos; and without thy Grace, it would be a Hell. O rather deny me the Light of the Sun, than the Light of thy Countenance! Less miserable had I been without Life or Being, than without thy Grace. Without thee and my Saviour's help I can do nothing; I did not live without thee, I could not pray or learn without thee; I never could conquer a temptation without thee; and can I die, or be prepared to die without thee? Alas! I shall but say as Philip of Christ, I know not whither my Soul is going, and how then shall I know the way. My Lord having loved his own in the World, did love them to the end. Thou lovest fidelity and perseverance in thy Servants, even those that in his sufferings forsook him and fled, yet are commended and rewarded by Christ, for continuing with him in his temptations, Luk. 22. 28. And wilt thou forsake a sinner in his extremity, who consenteth to thy Covenant, and would not forsake thee? My God, I have often sinned against thee, but yet thou knowest I would fain be thine: I have not served thee with the resolution, fidelity and delight, as such a Master should have been served, but yet I would not forsake thy service, nor change my Master or my Work; I can say with thy Servant Paul, Act. 27. 23. that thou art the GOD WHOSE I AM, and WHOM I SERVE; and O that I could serve thee better! For to serve thee, is but to Receive thy ⟨p. 214⟩Grace, and to use it for my own, and others good, and so to glorify thee, and please thy will, which being LOVE it self, is pleased best when we receive and do most good.