Reliquiæ Baxterianæ, or, Mr. Richard Baxters narrative of the most memorable passages of his…

6. In my younger years my trouble for Sin, was most about my Actual failings in Thought, Word, or Action, (except Hardness of Heart, of which more anon). But now I am much more troubled for •nward Defects, and omission or want of the Vital Duties or Graces in the Soul. My daily trouble is so much for my Ignorance of God, and weakness of Belief, and want of greater love to God, and strangeness to him, and to the Life to come, and for want of a greater willingness to die, and longing to be with God in Heaven, as that I take not some Immoralities, though very great, to be in themselves so great and odious Sins, if they could be found as separate from these. Had I all the Riches of the World, how gladly should I give them, for a fuller Knowledge, Belief, and Love of God and Everlasting Glory! These wants are the greatest burden of my Life, which oft maketh my Life it self a burden. And I cannot find any hope of reaching so high in these, while I am in the Flesh, as I once hoped before this time to have attained: which maketh me the wearier of this sinful World, which is honoured with so little of the Knowledge of God.

7. Heretofore I placed much of my Religion in tenderness of heart, and grieving for sin, and penitential tears; and less of it, in the love of God, and studying his love and goodness, and in his joyful praises, than now I do. Then I was little sensible of the greatness and excellency of Love and Praise; though I coldly spake the same words in its commendations, as now I do: And now I am less troubled for want of grief and tears (though I more value humility, and refuse not needful Humiliation): But my Conscience now looketh at Love and Delight in God, and praising him, as the top of all my Religious Duties, for which it is that I value and use the rest.

8. My Judgment is much more for frequent and serious Meditation on the heavenly Blessedness, than it was heretofore in my younger days. I then thought that a Sermon of the Attributes of God, and the Joys of Heaven were not the most excellent; and was wont to say, Every body knoweth this, that God is great and good, and that Heaven is a blessed place; I had rather hear how I may attain it. And nothing pleased me so well as the Doctrine of Regeneration, and the Marks of Sincerity; which was because it was suitable to me in that state: but now I had rather read, hear or meditate, on God and Heaven, than on any other Subject: for I perceive that it is the Object that altereth and elevateth the Mind; which will be such as that is, which it most frequently feedeth on: And that it is not only useful to our comfort, to be much in Heaven in our believing thoughts; but that is must animate all our other Duties, and fortify us against every Temptation and Sin; and that the Love of the end is it that is the poise or spring, which setteth every Wheel a going, and must put us on to all the means: And that a Man is no more a Christian indeed than he is Heavenly.