Reliquiæ Baxterianæ, or, Mr. Richard Baxters narrative of the most memorable passages of his…

1. But having mentioned the Changes which I think were for the better, I must add, that as I confessed many of my Sins before, so since I have been guilty of many, which because materially they seemed small, have had the less resistance, and yet on the review to trouble more than if they had been greater done in ignorance: It can be no small sin formally which is committed against Knowledge and Conscience and Deliberation, whatever excuse it have. To have sinned while I preached and wrote against Sin, and had such abundant and great obligations from God, and made so many promises against it, doth lay me very low: not so much in fear of Hell, as in great displeasure against my self, and such self abhorrence as would cause revenge upon my self, were it not forbidden. When God forgiveth me I cannot forgive my self; especially for any rash words or deeds, by which I have seemed injurious, and less tende• and kind than I should have been to my near and dear Relations, whose Love abundantly obliged me; when such are dead, though we never differed in point of Interest or any great Matter, every sour or cross provoking word which I gave them, maketh me almost unreconcilable to my self: and tells me how Repentance brought some of old to pray to the Dead whom they had wronged, to forgive them, in the hurry of their Passion.

1. But having mentioned the Changes which I think were for the better, I must add, that as I confessed many of my Sins before, so since I have been guilty of many, which because materially they seemed small, have had the less resistance, and yet on the review to trouble more than if they had been greater done in ignorance: It can be no small sin formally which is committed against Knowledge and Conscience and Deliberation, whatever excuse it have. To have sinned while I preacht and wrote against Sin, and had such abundant and great obligations from God, and made so many promises against it, doth lay me very low: not so much in fear of Hell, as in great displeasure against my self, and such self abho••ence as would cause revenge upon my self, were it not forbidden. When God forgiveth me I cannot forgive my self; especially for any rash words or deeds, by which I have seemed injurious, and less tende• and kind than I should have been to my near and dear Relations, whose Love abundantly obliged me; when such are dead, though we never differed in point of Interest or any great Matter, every sowr or cross provoking word which I gave them, maketh me almost unreconcileable to my self: and tells me how Repentance brought some of old to pray to the Dead whom they had wronged, to forgive them, in the hurry of their Passion.