3. If I never experienced the comfort or cleansing of sufferings, I have cause of great lamentation, as having suffered very much in vain. I will not with Paul here glory in my infirmities, but I shall confess, that they greatly aggravate my sin, if your words be true: For I have born the yoke from my youth: since fourteen years of age I have not been a year free from suffering, and since twenty two but few days, and since 1646. (which is about twenty five years, I have had but few hours free from pain, (though through Gods mercy, not intolerable.) I have had sufferings in Peace, and sufferings four years in War: The first year I preached the Gospel, my life was sought by malice for my Ministerial work, and dissent from others: The next place I came to (where I was after more blest, and spent my labours) the first year I was hooted at in the Streets, but for preaching the Original sin and misery of mankind (which this man feigneth me to extenuate, if not deny.) The next year my life was sought by an armed Tumult, and strangely preserved, while others were knocked down in the Streets, but for looking after my safety. The same year my life was sought more publicly, and I ⟨p. 66⟩was forced into a Garrison from my habitation, through the fury that still sought my life. And since then, O what wholesome and constant sufferings have been measured out unto me, almost continually night and day. I will say no more, but that above all the external disposals of my most wise and gracious God, I humbly, and heartily, and daily thank him for my sufferings. But surely this man is not […] or permitted to write this in vain. Alas, my God, it calleth my sin, my unfruitfulness to my remembrance! My cleansing, nor my comfort have not been answerable to the sharp but gracious helps and warnings which thou hast so long vouchsafed me: It is true, too true, that I have sinned so much under sufferings, and been so unfruitful after sufferings, that I have little cause to boast of cleansing, and less experience of comfort, than otherwise I might have had. But yet I have so much experience as obligeth me to thankfulness, and assuredly to number this saying with his Untruths that he utters;1 even the twenty sixth in number; And I think the Crime of usurping the prerogative of God, of knowing the heart, should be repented of.
3. If I never experienced the comfort or cleansing of sufferings, I have cause of great lamentation, as having suffered very much in vain. I will not with Paul here glory in my infirmities, but I shall confess, that they greatly aggravate my sin, if your words be true: For I have born the yoke from my youth: since fourteen years of age I have not been a year free from suffering, and since twenty two but few dayes, and since 1646. (which is about twenty five years, I have had but few hours free from pain, (though through Gods mercy, not intolerable.) I have had sufferings in Peace, and sufferings four years in War: The first year I preached the Gospel, my life was sought by malice for my Ministerial work, and dissent from others: The next place I came to (where I was after more blest, and spent my labours) the first year I was hooted at in the Streets, but for preaching the Original sin and misery of mankind (which this man feigneth me to extenuate, if not deny.) The next year my life was sought by an armed Tumult, and strangely preserved, while others were knockt down in the Streets, but for looking after my safety. The same year my life was sought more publickly, and I ⟨p. 66⟩was forced into a Garrison from my habitation, through the fury that still sought my life. And since then, O what wholsome and constant sufferings have been measured out unto me, almost continually night and day. I will say no more, but that above all the external disposals of my most wise and gracious God, I humbly, and heartily, and daily thank him for my sufferings. But surely this man is not 〈…〉 or permitted to write this in vain. Alas, my God, it calleth my sin, my unfruitfulness to my remembrance! My cleansing, nor my comfort have not been answerable to the sharp but gracious helps and warnings which thou hast so long vouchsafed me: It is true, too true, that I have sinned so much under sufferings, and been so unfruitful after sufferings, that I have little cause to boast of cleansing, and less experience of comfort, than otherwise I might have had. But yet I have so much experience as obligeth me to thankfulness, and assuredly to number this saying with his Vntruths that he utters;1 even the twenty sixth in number; And I think the Crime of usurping the prerogative of God, of knowing the heart, should be repented of.
- 110th Crime Self-denying.
