Again, Mat. 5. Who ever breaks the least of Gods Commandments, and teach men so to do, shall be least in the Kingdom of heaven. Then I was troubled, because I had been an active sinner, in lust, and other sins, and I was worse then a beast in my sins. Then I cried to God, Oh Christ pardon all my great sins, Oh Christ have mercy on me, Oh God remember me, to pardon all my sins. Thus I cried and desired pardon, but I was weak in believing. But then, about two years after, I was greatly troubled about my weakness: I desired to do well, but I was weak: Then I cried to God, Oh God help me by thy spirit in me, and send thy ⟨p. 7⟩spirit into my heart. Sometimes I read and taught on the Sabbath day, but weakly. Then I heard, Mat. 23. Christ bid the people do what the Scribes and Pharisees said, but not do as they do. I said (Lord) that is my case; I teach better then I do: and therefore I desired repentance for my sin, and to forsake my sin. Then Mat. 7. Christ saith, Thou hypocrite, first cast the beam out of thy own eye, and then thou mayst see clearly to cast the mote out of thy brothers eye. My heart said, Truly it is so; I teach others, but I do not well my self; I reprove sin, and yet I do it. Then was my heart weary, and I desired again to do well, and amend, but I found my self very weak. Sometime my heart hated praying to God, and meeting on the Sabbath days; and therefore I see I deserve hell torments: and then I cried, Oh Christ pardon all these my sins. Then afterward my heart desired strongly to pray unto God, but I saw I deserved misery and punishment, and I was weak. Then I desired my heart might be made strong by Church-covenant, Baptism, and the Lords Supper, which might be as a Fort to keep me from enemies, as a Fort keepeth us from our outward enemies. Yet my heart was sometime backward, and said, No matter, do it not, but still do what thy heart would have thee. And I saw Satan did thus follow me with these temptations to misbelief and doubting. But now I see Satan tempteth me, because he desireth I should be ever tormented with him. Then I learned that in John 6. I am the true bread, and he that eateth me shall live for ever, and he that drinketh my blood shall have life; but he that doth not eat my flesh and drink my blood shall not have life. Then my heart saith, Truth Lord, that is ⟨p. 8⟩my case. Again I learnt, John 3.
Again, Mat. 5. Who ever breaks the least of Gods Commandements, and teach men so to do, shall be least in the Kingdom of heaven. Then I was troubled, because I had been an active sinner, in lust, and other sins, and I was worse then a beast in my sins. Then I cryed to God, Oh Christ pardon all my great sins, Oh Christ have mercy on mee, Oh God remember mee, to pardon all my sins. Thus I cryed and desired pardon, but I was weak in believing. But then, about two years after, I was greatly troubled about my weakness: I desired to do well, but I was weak: Then I cryed to God, Oh God help mee by thy spirit in mee, and send thy ⟨p. 7⟩spirit into my heart. Sometimes I read and taught on the Sabbath day, but weakly. Then I heard, Mat. 23. Christ bid the people do what the Scribes and Pharisees said, but not do as they do. I said (Lord) that is my case; I teach better then I do: and therefore I desired repentance for my sin, and to forsake my sin. Then Mat. 7. Christ saith, Thou hypocrite, first cast the beam out of thy own eye, and then thou mayst see clearly to cast the mote out of thy brothers eye. My heart said, Truly it is so; I teach others, but I do not well my self; I reprove sin, and yet I do it. Then was my heart weary, and I desired again to do well, and amend, but I found my self very weak. Sometime my heart hated praying to God, and meeting on the Sabbath dayes; and therefore I see I deserve hell torments: and then I cryed, Oh Christ pardon all these my sins. Then afterward my heart desired strongly to pray unto God, but I saw I deserved misery and punishment, and I was weak. Then I desired my heart might be made strong by Church-covenant, Baptism, and the Lords Supper, which might be as a Fort to keep me from enemies, as a Fort keepeth us from our outward enemies. Yet my heart was sometime backward, and said, No matter, do it not, but still do what thy heart would have thee. And I saw Satan did thus follow mee with these temptations to misbelief and doubting. But now I see Satan tempteth mee, because hee desireth I should be ever tormented with him. Then I learned that in Iohn 6. I am the true bread, and hee that eateth mee shall live for ever, and hee that drinketh my blood shall have life; but hee that doth not eat my flesh and drink my blood shall not have life. Then my heart saith, Truth Lord, that is ⟨p. 8⟩my case. Again I learnt,
