Mr Jackson asked me if I did pray to God: I asked him whether God understood our language, if I prayed to him: He said, yea, all things God doth know, and all languages. Then my heart said, It may be I may attain to pray. But my heart was hard, and therefore I could not pray, afterwards it may be I may. Sometime I thought if we did not pray, the English might kill us; but if I prayed, I thought I did not pray right. When I saw, and considered, that all men in the world dyed, I knew not how I might come to live for ever, how my soul might live, and therefore I desired I might pray to God aright; because they that so pray, are all one as if they dyed not, but live for ever. I wished I could pray aright, ⟨p. 32⟩but could not tell how to do it. I did in my heart love wandering about, and our wild courses always; and when I did pray, it was but out-side praying, for in my heart I understood not right praying to God; I understood not how to pray, and I regarded not my weariness of that which was good, many things hindered my heart; I was ashamed, because my heart was full of evil. Sometimes I thought of my sins, but it was but a little, and I was soon weary of any good. I did not think God was not merciful, but I saw my heart was naught, and very little did I know the evils of my heart. No humility was in my heart, and to this day my heart is evil, and hard is my heart, When you taught us the Word of God, my heart did not believe, but went contrary to the Word of God. I saw my mourning for sin was not good: I do confess my heart did not submit to God, only I hoped I might might learn the Word of God, which you taught us. My heart did afore love praying to the Devil, but I do not find that I so love praying to God: therefore I did pray, Lord break my heart, that I may pray to God aright. My heart was weary of praying quickly; and therefore my heart said, Surely my heart is nought, and I am like a dead man: and therefore I prayed, Lord help me now to pray aright to God. Now I knew that God knoweth all the thoughts of my heart, and my many sins, and contrary doings, and how little I know of God. Surely I am a great sinner, and this I do throughly know, that great are my sins, and that my heart is contrary to praying to God, and my heart desired wild courses, and I see that my heart loveth not praying to God.
Mr Iackson asked me if I did pray to God: I asked him whether God understood our language, if I prayed to him: Hee said, yea, all things God doth know, and all languages. Then my heart said, It may be I may attain to pray. But my heart was hard, and therefore I could not pray, afterwards it may be I may. Sometime I thought if we did not pray, the English might kill us; but if I prayed, I thought I did not pray right. When I saw, and considered, that all men in the world dyed, I knew not how I might come to live for ever, how my soul might live, and therefore I desired I might pray to God aright; because they that so pray, are all one as if they dyed not, but live for ever. I wish't I could pray aright, ⟨p. 32⟩but could not tell how to do it. I did in my heart love wandering about, and our wilde courses alwaies; and when I did pray, it was but out-side praying, for in my heart I understood not right praying to God; I understood not how to pray, and I regarded not my weariness of that which was good, many things hindred my heart; I was ashamed, because my heart was full of evil. Sometimes I thought of my sins, but it was but a little, and I was soon weary of any good. I did not think God was not mercifull, but I saw my heart was naught, and very little did I know the evils of my heart. No humility was in my heart, and to this day my heart is evil, and hard is my heart, When you taught us the Word of God, my heart did not believe, but went contrary to the Word of God. I saw my mourning for sin was not good: I do confess my heart did not submit to God, only I hoped I might might learn the Word of God, which you taught us. My heart did afore love praying to the Devil, but I do not finde that I so love praying to God: therefore I did pray, Lord break my heart, that I may pray to God aright. My heart was weary of praying quickly; and therefore my heart said, Surely my heart is nought, and I am like a dead man: and therefore I prayed, Lord help me now to pray aright to God. Now I knew that God knoweth all the thoughts of my heart, and my many sins, and contrary doings, and how little I know of God. Surely I am a great sinner, and this I do throughly know, that great are my sins, and that my heart is contrary to praying to God, and my heart desired wilde courses, and I see that my heart loveth not praying to God.
