A further account of the progress of the Gospel amongst the Indians in New…

These things I understood and remembered, but I confess before God, that I did only hear and know these things, as I did sometimes speak of what I did remember, but I believed not, yea I laughed, as other youths did, at all these things, because thereby did original sin grow in me, and hard it was to root it out, and hard to believe. After this I heard still, and more I understood; I heard, Gen. 16. that the people were full of sin, lust, and all other sin, and therefore the Lord destroyed them; and I knew that I had the same sins, and therefore I was afraid; but I feared only this bodily life, and not for my Soul: After this, my heart did a little desire to pray to God, because God found Noah righteous, and did save him, therefore I desired to pray; but again I laid it by, and I said it is vain to pray, for if I pray, and should commit sin, I shall be punished, or imprisoned, but if I pray not, I may commit what sin I will, and have no punishment for it. About a year after, I heard the Minister teach another word, that the Death of Christ is precious, and our death is nothing worth, therefore God promiseth pardon of all sins for Christ his sake; he bid us remember this against next time: When he came again, he asked me, and I did remember it, and do to this day; but I confess I did not believe, only I did remember it, and answered when I was asked: And then again, I desired to pray to God, and would not go away, but it was because I loved our place and dwelling; I prayed, but I believed not, I considered not Eternal Life, but only this worldly life: And thus I went on, till they chose Rulers ⟨p. 40⟩at Natick, they chose me, and I refused, because I believed not: After that, my Wife and Child died, and I was sick to death, but lived again, and being well, I thought I could not pray, I was a Child, and therefore could not, I put off praying to God, my Relations died, and why should I pray? but then I considered, why does God thus punish me; yea, the Minister spake to me about it, and said, it may be it was because I refused to do Gods work, as Moses, when he first refused, God was patient, but when he persisted in his refusal, God was angry; and then my heart saw my sin, and then my heart almost believed: I desired to do right, and to keep the Sabbath, for I further heard in the 4th Commandment, Remember the Sabbath to keep it holy; and Psa. 101.