Divine Conduct, or The Mystery of Providence

In this condition I found him that morning, and apprehending him to be within a few minutes of Eternity, I laboured to work upon his heart the sense of his condition, telling him, I had but little him to do any thing for him, and therefore desired him to let me know, what his own apprehensions of his present Condition were: He told me, he hoped in God for Eternal Life; I replied, that I feared his hopes were ungrounded, for that the Scripture tells us, No Murderer hath eternal life abiding in him, but this was self-murder, the grossest of all Murders: and insisting ⟨p. 69⟩upon the aggravation and heinousness of the fact, I perceived his vain confidence began to fall, and some meltings of heart appeared in him. He then began to lament with many tears his sin and misery, and asked me, if there might yet be hope for one that had destroyed himself, and shed his own blood. I replied, the sin indeed is great, but not unpardonable; and if the Lord gave him repentance unto life, and •aith to apply Jesus Christ, it should be certainly pardoned to him: and finding him unacquainted with these things, I opened to him the nature and necessity of faith and repentance, which he greedily sucked in, and with great vehemency cried to God, that he would work them upon his soul, and entreated me also to pray with him and for him, that it might be so. I prayed with him, and the Lord thawed his heart exceedingly in that duty: loth he was to part with me; but the duties of the day necessitating me to leave him, I briefly summed up what was most necessary in my parting counsel to him, and took my leave, never expecting to see him more in this world. But beyond my own and all mens expectation, he continued all that day, and panted most ardently after Jesus Christ: no discourses pleased him, but Christ and faith; and in this frame I found him in the evening. He rejoiced greatly to see me again, and entreated me to continue my discourses upon these subjects; and after all told me, Sir, the Lord hath given me repentance for this sin▪ yea, and for every other sin. I see the Evil of sin now, so as I never saw it before. O I loath my self: I am a vile creature in my own eyes. I do also believe; Lord help my unbelief. I am ⟨p. 70⟩heartily willing to take Christ upon his own terms. One thing only troubles me, I doubt this bloody sin will not be pardoned.