Pause a while my soul upon this point. With what seed is my heart sown,1 and of what kind are those things wherein I excel others? are they indeed special seeds of grace, or common gifts and natural excellencies? If the latter, little cause have I to pride my self in them, were they ten thousand times more then they are. If these things be indeed the things that accompany salvation, the seed of God, the true and real work of grace, Then (1) how comes it to pass that I never found any throws or travelling pangs in the production of them? Its affirmed, and generally acknowledged that the new creature is never brought forth without such pains, and compunctions of heart, Act. 2. 37. I have indeed often felt an aching head, whilst I have read and studied to increase my knowledge; but when did I feel an aching heart for Sin? Oh, I begin to suspect, that it is not right. Yea, (2) and my suspicion increases whiles I consider that. grace is of an humbling nature, 1 Cor. 15. 10. Lord, how have I been elated by my gifts and valued my self above what was meet? O how have I delighted in the noise of the Pharisees trumpet! Mat. 6. 2. No music so sweet as that Say, O my conscience, have I not delighted more in the Theatre, than the closet? in the praise of men, than the approbation of God? Oh, how many evidences dost thou produce against me? Indeed these are sad symptoms that I have showed thee, but there is yet another which renders thy case more suspicious yet; yea, that which thou canst make no rational defence against, even the ineffectualness of all thy ⟨p. 79⟩gifts and knowledge to mortify any one of all thy lusts. It's beyond all dispute, that gifts may, but grace cannot consist without mortification of sin, G•l. 5. 24. Now what lust hath fallen before these excellent parts of mine? Doth not pride, passion, covetousness, and indeed the whole body of •in live and thrive in me as much as ever? Lord, I yield the cause, I can defend it no longer against my conscience, which ca•ts and condemns me by full proof, to be but in a wretched, cursed lamentable state, notwithstanding all my knowledge and flourishing gifts. O show me a more excellent way Lord! That I had the sincerity of the poorest Saint; though I should lose the applause of all may parts: with these I see I may go to hell, but without some better thing, no hope Of heave•.
Pause a while my soul opon this point. With what seed is my heart sown,1 and of what kind are those things wherein I excel others? are they indeed speciall seeds of grace, or common gifts and naturall excellencies? If the latter, little cause have I to pride my self in them, were they ten thousand times more then they are. If these things be indeed the things that accompany salvation, the seed of God, the true and real work of grace, Then (1) how comes it to pass that I never found any throws or travelling pangs in the production of them? Its affirmed, and generally acknowledged that the new creature is never brought forth without such pains, and compunctions of heart, Act. 2. 37. I have indeed often felt an aking head, whilst I have read and studied to increase my knowledge; but when did I feel an aking heart for Sin? Oh, I begin to suspect, that it is not right. Yea, (2) and my suspition increases whiles I consider that. grace is of an humbling nature, 1 Cor. 15. 10. Lord, how have I been elated by my gifts and valued my self above what was meet? O how have I delighted in the noise of the Pharisees trumpet! Mat. 6. 2. No musick so sweet as that Say, O my consicience, have I not delighted more in the Theater, than the closet? in the praise of men, than the approbation of God? Oh, how many evidences dost thou produce against me? Indeed these are sad symptoms that I have shewed thee, but there is yet another which renders thy case more suspitious yet; yea, that which thou canst make no rational defence against, even the ineffectualness of all thy ⟨p. 79⟩gifts and knowledge to mortifie any one of all thy lusts. It's beyond all dispute, that gifts may, but grace cannot consist without mortification of sin, G•l. 5. 24. Now what lust hath fallen before these excellent parts of mine? Doth not pride, passion, covetousness, and indeed the whole body of •in live and thrive in me as much as ever? Lord, I yield the cause, I can defend it no longer against my conscience, which ca•ts and condemns me by full proof, to be but in a wretched, cursed lamentable state, notwithstanding all my knowledg and flourishing gifts. O shew me a more excellent way Lord! That I had the sincerity of the poorest Saint; though I should lose the applause of all may parts: with these I see I may go to hell, but without some better thing, no hope Of heave.
- 1The deceived souls Reflection.
