Death unstung a sermon preached at the funeral of Thomas Mowsley, an apothecary, who…

that then I thought the more I prayed, the more I sinned, and the more I Confessed and Repented, and Bewailed my own wretched heart, especially in the time of duty, the more I had cause to do so still, and now I looked upon my self in a most sad and destitute condition, for how could I choose when I saw my own goodness departing from me, which I idolized as the rock of my Salvation, and when I saw such a ⟨p. 152⟩numberless number of sins come afresh into my mind, especially in the time of duty, that it seemed to me, as if the Devil had conjured up all those sins that I thought was long before slain, and he himself had been their Captain, and had unawares assaulted me, and had taken my duty which I made then the Captain of my Salvation prisoner, and I alone left to encounter with them without the least weapon to defend my poor soul, and oh had these and the pangs of death met together, Oh what horror and amazement would there have been; but blessed be God it was before; now to say, how long I was in this case, I cannot well tell; but I saw my idol God so accused and condemned, and my hatred to him was so great, that I hope I did desire never to cease my earnest Prayers to the true God, that he would 01 have this usurper executed, and likewise I did, as I was able, earnestly beg of the Lord that he would give me strength to resist him so that he might never sit upon his Throne more, and then I did see (through admiring Grace) the want of Christ more than ever, not only to cover my sins, but my righteousness too; ⟨p. 153⟩then oh then I began to prize Christ more than ever, oh then I did desire to say from my heart none but Christ, none but Christ; oh all the whole world for Christ, yea ten thousand Worlds for a Christ;

that then I thought the more I prayed, the more I sinned, and the more I Confessed and Repented, and Bewailed my own wretched heart, especially in the time of duty, the more I had cause to do so still, and now I looked upon my self in a most sad and destitute condition, for how could I choose when I saw my own goodness departing from me, which I idolized as the rock of my Salvation, and when I saw such a ⟨p. 152⟩numberless number of sins come afresh into my mind, especially in the time of duty, that it seemed to me, as if the Devil had conjured up all those sins that I thought was long before slain, and he himself had been their Captain, and had unawares assaulted me, and had taken my duty which I made then the Captain of my Salvation prisoner, and I alone left to encounter with them without the least weapon to defend my poor soul, and oh had these and the pangs of death met together, Oh what horrour and amazement would there have been; but blessed be God it was before; now to say, how long I was in this case, I cannot well tell; but I saw my idol God so accused and condemned, and my hatred to him was so great, that I hope I did desire never to cease my earnest Prayers to the true God, that he would 01 have this usurper executed, and likewise I did, as I was able, earnestly begg of the Lord that he would give me strength to resist him so that he might never sit upon his Throne more, and then I did see (through admiring Grace) the want of Christ more than ever, not only to cover my sins, but my righteousness too;