Joshua Redivivus, or Mr. Rutherford's Letters

Reverend & Dear Brother.

I Am refreshed with your letters: I would take all well at my Lord's hands that he hath done, If I knew I could do my Lord any service in my suffering: suppose my Lord would make a stop-hole of me to fill a hole in the wall of his house, or a pinning in Zion's new work: For any place of trust in my Lord's house, as steward or chamberlain, or the like: surely I think my self [my very dear brother, I speak not by any proud figure or trope] unworthy of it; nay I am not worthy to stand behind the door: if my head & feet & body were half out, half in, in Christ's house, so I saw the fair face of the Lord of the house, it would still my grieving & love-sick desires. When I hear that the men of God are at work & speaking in our Lord Jesus his name, I think my self but an out-cast or out-law chased from the City to lie on the hills & live amongst the rocks & out-fields. O that I might but stand in Christ's out-house, or hold a candle in any low vault of his house! But I know this is but the vapours that arise out of a quarrellous & unbelieving heart, to darken the wisdom of God. And your fault is just mine, that I cannot believe my Lord's bare & naked word: I must either have an apple to play me with & shake hands with ⟨p. 165⟩Christ, & have seal, caution, & witness to his word, or else I count my self loose; how be it I have the word & faith of a King. Oh, I am made of unbelief & cannot swim but where my feet may touch the ground! Alas, Christ under my temptations is presented to me as lying-waters, as a dyvour & a cozener! We can make such a Christ as temptations [casting us in a night-dream] doeth feign & devise [& temptations represent Christ ever unlike himself] & we in our folly listen to the tempter. If I could minister one saving word to any, how glad would my soul be: But I my self [which is my greatest evil] often mistake the cross of Christ: For I know if we had wit & knew well that ease slayeth us fools, we would desire a market where we might barter or niffer our lazy ease with a profitable cross; howbeit there be an out-cast natural betwixt our desires & tribulation: But some give a dear price & gold for physic which they love not & buy sickness, howbeit they wish rather to have been whole then to be sick. But surely. Brother, ye shall not have my advice [howbeit alas I cannot follow it my self] to contend with the honest & faithful Lord of the house;