Certain select cases resolved specially tending to the right ordering of the heart, that…

3. I did groan under the bondage of those unbelieving thoughts, looking up, and sighing to the Lord, that if he were as his works and word declared him to be, he would be pleased to reveal himself by his own beams, and persuade my heart by his own Spirit of his ⟨p. 45⟩Essence and being, which if he would do, I should account it the greatest mercy that ever he showed me. And after grievous and heavy perplexities, when I was by them almost forced to make an end of my self and sinful life, and to be mine own Executioner, the Lord came between the bridge and the water, and set me out of anguish of spirit, (as she prayed for a child) to pray unto him for light in the midst of so great darkness; In which time he revealed himself, manifested his love, stilled all those raging thoughts, gave return in great measure of them; so that though I could not read the Scripture without blasphemous thoughts before, now I saw a glory, a majesty, a mystery, a depth in it, which fully persuaded, and which light (I desire to speak it to the glory of his free grace, seeing you call me to it) is not wholly put out, but remains while I desire to walk closely with him, unto this day. And thus the Lord opened mine eyes, and cured me of this misery; and if any such base thoughts come (like beggars to my door) to my mind, and put these scruples to me, I use to send them away with this answer, Why shall I question that Truth, which I have both known and seen.

3. I did groane under the bondage of those unbelieving thoughts, looking up, and sighing to the Lord, that if he were as his workes and word declared him to be, he would be pleased to reveale himselfe by his owne beames, and perswade my heart by his owne Spirit of his ⟨p. 45⟩Essence and being, which if he would do, I should account it the greatest mercy that ever he shewed me. And after grievous and heavy perplexities, when I was by them almost forced to make an end of my selfe and sinnefull life, and to be mine owne Executioner, the Lord came between the bridge and the water, and set me out of anguish of spirit, (as she prayed for a child) to pray unto him for light in the midst of so great darkenesse; In which time he revealed himselfe, manifested his love, stilled all those raging thoughts, gave returne in great measure of them; so that though I could not read the Scripture without blasphemous thoughts before, now I saw a glory, a majesty, a mistery, a depth in it, which fully perswaded, and which light (I desire to speake it to the glory of his free grace, seeing you call me to it) is not wholly put out, but remaines while I desire to walk closely with him, unto this day. And thus the Lord opened mine eyes, and cured me of this misery; and if any such base thoughts come (like beggers to my doore) to my minde, and put these scruples to me, I use to send them away with this answer, Why shall I question that Truth, which I have both knowne and seen.