Tears of repentance

Tears of repentance: or, A further narrative of the progress of the Gospel amongst the Indians in New-England: setting forth, not only their present state and condition, but sundry confessions of sin by diverse of the said Indians, wrought upon by the saving power of the Gospel; together with the manifestation of their faith and hope in Jesus Christ, and the work of grace upon their hearts. Related by Mr. Eliot and Mr. Mayhew, two faithful labourers in that work of the Lord. Published by the corporation for propagating the Gospel there, for the satisfaction and comfort of such as wish well thereunto.Tears of repentance: or, A further narrative of the progress of the Gospel amongst the Indians in New-England: setting forth, not only their present state and condition, but sundry confessions of sin by diverse of the said Indians, wrought upon by the saving power of the Gospel; together with the manifestation of their faith and hope in Jesus Christ, and the work of grace upon their hearts. Related by Mr. Eliot and Mr. Mayhew, two faithful laborers in that work of the Lord. Published by the corporation for propagating the Gospel there, for the satisfaction and comfort of such as wish well thereunto.

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Another who made Confession, is named Nookau, which is as followeth. His first Confession.

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Five years ago, before I prayed I was sick, I thought I should die; at which I was much troubled, and knew not what to do; then I thought, if there be a God above, and he give life again, then I shall believe there is a God above, and God did give me life: and after that I took up praying to God. Now I believe God, one God that made all the World, and governeth it, yet this I only said with my mouth, I did not truly believe it in my heart. Then I understood, That God made the first man good, and like God, but he sinned, and we have lost Gods Image, and are like the Devil, and deserve Hell and Damnation: this I now know, and see that I am foolish, and sometime think not of God in an whole day, sometime I do think of God every day; sometime my heart greatly sinneth, then sometime I presently fear, but again sometimes I am slow to fear; I am very foolish because I do not understand the Word, but break the Word of God. I believe the Catechism we learn to be according to the Word of God; but the writings of the Bible are the very Words of God, and the Spirit of God is the Word, and that God giveth all things that are good: I now see my sins before I prayed unto God, and since, and I believe that God seeth them all: and my heart feareth, because I do not yet forsake my sins, and I think God will not forgive me: because my ⟨p. 40⟩heart is wicked; I know not when Christ forgiveth my sins, others may know, but I desire that my sins may be pardoned for Christ his sake.

FIve years ago, before I prayed I was sick, I thought I should die; at which I was much troubled, and knew not what to do; then I thought, if there be a God above, and he give life again, then I shall beleeve there is a God above, and God did give me life: and after that I took up praying to God. Now I beleeve God, one God that made all the World, and governeth it, yet this I only said with my mouth, I did not truly beleeve it in my heart. Then I understood, That God made the first man good, and like God, but he sinned, and we have lost Gods Image, and are like the Devil, and deserve Hell and Damnation: this I now know, and see that I am foolish, and sometime think not of God in an whol day, sometime I do think of God every day; sometime my heart greatly sinneth, then sometime I presently fear, but again sometimes I am slow to fear; I am very foolish because I do not understand the Word, but break the Word of God. I beleeve the Catechism we learn to be according to the Word of God; but the writings of the Bible are the very Words of God, and the Spirit of God is the Word, and that God giveth all things that are good: I now see my sins before I prayed unto God, and since, and I beleeve that God seeth them all: and my heart feareth, because I do not yet forsake my sins, and I think God will not forgive me: because my ⟨p. 40⟩heart is wicked; I know not when Christ forgiveth my sins, others may know, but I desire that my sins may be pardoned for Christ his sake.

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Nookau, His Second Confession.

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Before I prayed to God, I greatly sinned every day, I was proud, and lived in adultery, lying, &c. and my heart always full of evil thoughts, and when the English would instruct me, I then thought my ways evil, but the business of praying to God, good; then I did think, if I could first understand, then I would pray to God, and I was glad to hear of any that did pray to God. When I heard that word at Cohannet, Who ever lacketh wisdom, let him ask it of God; let fools pray to God, and he will give them wisdom: I thought I was a fool, and I believed that Word of God. I heard that word of the dry bones, God bid them hear, and promised to put flesh, and sinews, and skin upon them, and make them live; therefore I desired to hear, because I believed the dry bones, and that I was one that did not know God: afterward I was glad of praying to God. Sometimes I believed not God, and God will not look on such, always I thought God will not forgive me. I wondered at all that prayed to God, because I thought God had given them wisdom: then I thought I am glad I pray to God. Sometime my heart is broken because I shall lose all in this world, and lose my soul also, because I believe not, for all the Words of God are true which he hath taught me. Now this day I think I will confess the truth; Because I have sinned, I want Jesus Christ: and I will truly confess God, because of that word of Christ, He that confesseth me before men, him will I confess before my Father: I wonder at this Instruction, I desire to confess my heart.

BEfore I prayed to God, I greatly sinned every day, I was proud, and lived in adultery, lying, &c. and my heart alwaies full of evil thoughts, and when the English would instruct me, I then thought my waies evil, but the business of praying to God, good; then I did think, if I could first understand, then I would pray to God, and I was glad to hear of any that did pray to God. When I heard that word at Cohannet, Who ever lacketh wisdom, let him ask it of God; let fools pray to God, and he will give them wisdom: I thought I was a fool, and I beleeved that Word of God. I heard that word of the dry bones, God bid them hear, and promised to put flesh, and sinews, and skin upon them, and make them live; therefore I desired to hear, because I beleeved the dry bones, and that I was one that did not know God: afterward I was glad of praying to God. Sometimes I beleeved not God, and God will not look on such, alwaies I thought God will not forgive me. I wondred at all that prayed to God, because I thought God had given them wisdom: then I thought I am glad I pray to God. Sometime my heart is broken because I shall lose all in this world, and lose my soul also, because I beleeve not, for all the Words of God are true which he hath taught me. Now this day I think I will confess the truth; Because I have sinned, I want Jesus Christ: and I will truly confess God, because of that word of Christ, He that confesseth me before men, him will I confess before my Father: I wonder at this Instruction, I desire to confess my heart.

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Another who made his Confession is named Antony, upon whom the Lord was pleased the last Winter to lay an heavy stroke; for he and another Indian being at work sawing of Board, and finishing the Piece, they laid it so short, and the Roll not so steadfast, insomuch that this man being in the Pit directing to lay the Piece, and the other above ordering thereof, it slipped down into the Pit upon this mans head, brake his nether Chap in two, and cracked his Skull, insomuch that he was taken up half dead, and almost strangled with blood; and being the last day of the week at night I had no word until the Sabbath day, then I presently sent a Chirurgeon, who took a discreet order with him; and God so blessed his endeavours, as that he is now well again, blessed be the Lord: and whereas I did fear that such a blow in their Labour might discourage them from Labour, I have found it by Gods blessing otherwise; yea, this man hath performed a great part of the sawing of our Meeting-House, and is now sawing upon the School-house, and his recovery is an establishment of them to go on; yea, and God blessed this blow, to help on the Work of Grace in his soul; as you shall see in his Confession, which followeth.

Another who made his Confession is named Antony, upon whom the Lord was pleased the last Winter to lay an heavy stroke; for he and another Indian being at work sawing of Board, and finishing the Peece, they laid it so short, and the Rowl not so stedfast, insomuch that this man being in the Pit directing to lay the Piece, and the other above ordering thereof, it slipped down into the Pit upon this mans head, brake his neather Chap in two, and cracked his Skull, insomuch that he was taken up half dead, and almost strangled with blood; and being the last day of the week at night I had no word until the Sabbath day, then I presently sent a Chyrurgion, who took a discreet order with him; and God so blessed his indeavors, as that he is now well again, blessed be the Lord: and whereas I did fear that such a blow in their Labor might discourage them from Labor, I have found it by Gods blessing otherwise; yea, this man hath performed a great part of the sawing of our Meeting-House, and is now fawing upon the School-house, and his recovery is an establishment of them to go on; yea, and God blessed this blow, to help on the Work of Grace in his soul; as you shall see in his Confession, which followeth.

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Before I prayed to God I always committed sin, but I do not know all my sins, I know but a little of the sins I have committed, therefore I thought I could not pray to God, because I knew not all my sins before I prayed to God, and since I heard of praying to God: formerly when the English did bid me pray unto God I hated it, and would go out of their houses, when they spake of such things to me. I had no delight to hear any thing of Gods Word, but in every thing I sinned; in my speeches I sinned, and every day I broke the Commands of God. After I heard of praying to God, that Waban and my two brothers prayed to God, yet then I desired it not, but did think of running away; yet I feared if I did run away some wicked men would kill me, but I did not fear God. After when you said unto me, pray, my heart thought, I will pray; yet again I thought, I cannot pray with my heart, and no matter for praying with words only: but when I did pray, I saw more of my sins; yet I did but only see them, I could not be aware of them, but still I did commit them: and after I prayed to God, I was still full of lust, and then a little I feared. Sometimes I was sick, and then I thought God was angry, and then I saw that I did commit all sins: then one of my brothers died, and then my heart was broken, and after him another friend, and again my heart was broken: and yet after all this I broke my praying to God, and put away God, and then I thought I shall never pray to God: but after this I was afraid of the Lord, because I always broke my praying to God, and then my heart said, God doth nor hear my prayer. When I was sick, and recovered again, I thought then that God was merciful unto me. Hearing that word of God, If you hear the Word of God, and be forgetful hearers, you sin against God; then I thought God will not pardon such a sinner as I, who daily did so, and broke my praying to God. When I heard the ⟨p. 43⟩Commandments, I desired to learn them, and other points of Catechism, but my desires were but small, and I soon lost it, because I did not desire to believe: then sometimes I feared Gods anger because of all my sins; I heard the Word and understood only this word, All you that hear this day, it may be you shall quickly die, and then I quickly saw that God was very angry with me. Then God brake my head, and by that I saw Gods anger;

BEfore I prayed to God I alwaies committed sin, but I do not know all my sins, I know but a little of the sins I have committed, therefore I thought I could not pray to God, because I knew not al my sins before I prayed to God, and since I heard of praying to God: formerly when the English did bid me pray unto God I hated it, and would go out of their houses, when they spake of such things to me. I had no delight to hear any thing of Gods Word, but in every thing I sinned; in my speeches I sinned, and every day I broke the Commands of God. After I heard of praying to God, that Waban and my two brothers prayed to God, yet then I desired it not, but did think of running away; yet I feared if I did run away some wicked men would kill me, but I did not fear God. After when you said unto me, pray, my heart thought, I will pray; yet again I thought, I cannot pray with my heart, and no matter for praying with words only: but when I did pray, I saw more of my sins; yet I did but only see them, I could not be aware of them, but still I did commit them: and after I prayed to God, I was still full of lust, and then a little I feared. Sometimes I was sick, and then I thought God was angry, and then I saw that I did commit all sins: then one of my brothers died, and then my heart was broken, and after him another friend, and again my heart was broken: and yet after all this I broke my praying to God, and put away God, and then I thought I shall never pray to God: but after this I was afraid of the Lord, because I alwaies broke my praying to God, and then my heart said, God doth nor hear my prayer. When I was sick, and recovered again, I thought then that God was merciful unto me. Hearing that word of God, If you hear the Word of God, and be forgetful hearers, you sin against God; then I thought God will not pardon such a sinner as I, who dayly did so, and broke my praying to God. When I heard the

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and then I thought that the true God in Heaven is angry with me for my sin, even for all my sins, which every day I live, I do. When I was almost dead, some body bid me now believe, because it may be I shall quickly die, and I thought I did believe, but I did not know right believing in Christ: then I prayed unto God to restore my health. Then I believed that word, That we must shortly appear before Jesus Christ; then I did greatly fear lest if I believed not, I should perish for ever. When I was near death, I prayed unto God, Oh Lord give me life, and I will pray to God so long as I live, and I said, I will give my self, soul, and body to Christ: after this, God gave me health, and then I thought, truly, God in Heaven is merciful; then I much grieved, that I knew so little of Gods Word. And now sometimes I am angry, and then I fear because I know God seeth it: and I fear, because I promised God when I was almost dead, that if he giveth me life, I will pray so long as I live; I fear lest I should break this promise to God. Now I desire the pardon of all my sins, and I beg faith in Christ, and I desire to live unto God, so long as I live; I cannot my self get pardon, but I daily commit sin, and break Gods Word, but I look to Christ for pardon.

and then I thought that the true God in Heaven is angry with me for my sin, even for al my sins, which every day I live, I do. When I was almost dead, some body bid me now beleeve, because it may be I shal quickly die, and I thought I did beleeve, but I did not know right beleeving in Christ: then I prayed unto God to restore my health. Then I beleeved that word, That we must shortly appear before Jesus Christ; then I did greatly fear lest if I beleeved not, I should perish for ever. When I was neer death, I prayed unto God, Oh Lord give me life, and I will pray to God so long as I live, and I said, I will give my self, soul, and body to Christ: after this, God gave me health, and then I thought, truly, God in Heaven is merciful; then I much grieved, that I knew so little of Gods Word. And now sometimes I am angry, and then I fear because I know God seeth it: and I fear, because I promised God when I was almost dead, that if he giveth me life, I will pray so long as I live; I fear lest I should break this promise to God. Now I desire the pardon of all my sins, and I beg faith in Christ, and I desire to live unto God, so long as I live; I cannot my self get pardon, but I dayly commit sin, and break Gods Word, but I look to Christ for pardon.

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Another who made His Confession is named Owussumag; which is as followeth:

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When I first heard that Waban prayed to God, and after that many more prayed. I first feared praying ⟨p. 44⟩to God, and instruction, and I hated instruction by the Word of God, and always I laughed at them who prayed to God; and I always thought I will yet more commit sin: and I went into the Country, and there I acted much lust, adultery, and the like, and all my Neighbours, we did together seek after wickedness, and every day I was proud, and of high or open eyes. When some of my neighbours began to pray, I went away into the Country, but I could find no place where I was beloved. Then I heard, That when believers die, they go to Heaven, when sinners die they go to Hell; and my heart considered, What good will it be if my soul go to Heaven? But two years ago, I began to think, I had sinned against God; and then sometimes I feared, yet again sinned; but my fear was of man, not of God: Then ever my heart said I should be better, if I would pray to God, and sometimes I believed that which I was taught, yet again, last year, I sought to go away afar off, but I could think of no place, but I should be in danger to be killed. Then again I much remembered my sins: and again I thought, What will become of me, if I die in my sins? and then I thought it was good for me to pray unto God so long as I live; and then my heart turned to praying unto God, and I did pray, and my heart feared when I heard the word read and taught, and I was glad to hear the Word of God; and then I purposed to pray as long as I live. Sometime I did daily see my sins, and fear, for I cannot get pardon, only in Jesus Christ. Then I heard that word, I thank thee oh Heavenly father, that thou hast revealed these things to babes; and that word, that we must forgive each other: then I saw that I believed not one word from Christ, not any word of God; and daily my heart wept, that Christ might pardon all my sins against God and Christ: and now unto this day my heart saith▪ I desire the good ways of praying to God, but I cannot know them of my self, but Jesus Christ must teach me them. When I heard, That only Christ must teach me them. When I heard, That only Christ must pardon our sins, and that for Christ God will pardon our sins, this day I rejoice to hear that word of God, and all that Christ hath taught me: and now I purpose, That while I live, I will pray unto God, and ⟨p. 45⟩Jesus Christ only:

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and this day I see I cannot know how to find good thoughts; but this day I desire pardon for all my sins, and to cast them away.

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Another who made Confession, is named Ephraim, his Indian Name I have forgotten. It is as followeth:

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ALL the days I have lived, I have been in a poor foolish condition, I cannot tell all my sins, all my great sins, I do not see them. When I first heard of praying to God, I could not sleep quietly, I was so troubled, ever I thought I would forsake the place because of praying to God, my life hath been like as if I had been a mad man. Last year I thought I would leave all my sins, yet I see I do not leave off sinning to this day; I now think I shall never be able to forsake my sins. I think sometimes the Word of God is false, yet I see there is no giving over that I might follow sin, I must pray to God; I do not truly in my heart repent, and I think that God will not forgive me my sins; every day my heart sinneth, and how will Christ forgive such an one? I pray but outwardly with my mouth, not with my heart; I cannot of my self obtain pardon of my sins▪ I cannot tell all the sins that I have done if I should tell you an whole day together: I do every morning desire that my sins may be pardoned by Jesus Christ; this my heart saith, but yet I fear I cannot forsake my sins, because I cannot see all my sins: I hear, That if we repent and believe in Christ, all our sins shall be pardoned, therefore I desire to leave off my sins.

ALL the daies I have lived, I have been in a poor foolish condition, I cannot tell all my sins, all my great sins, I do not see them. When I first heard of praying to God, I could not sleep quietly, I was so troubled, ever I thought I would forsake the place because of praying to God, my life hath been like as if I had been a mad man. Last yeer I thought I would leave all my sins, yet I see I do not leave off sinning to this day; I now think I shall never be able to forsake my sins. I think sometimes the Word of God is false, yet I see there is no giving over that I might follow sin, I must pray to God; I do not truly in my heart repent, and I think that God wil not forgive me my sins; every day my heart sinneth, and how will Christ forgive such an one? I pray but outwardly with my mouth, not with my heart; I cannot of my self obtain pardon of my sins▪ I cannot tell all the sins that I have done if I should tell you an whol day together: I do every morning desire that my sins may be pardoned by Jesus Christ; this my heart saith, but yet I fear I cannot forsake my sins, because I cannot see all my sins: I hear, That if we repent and beleeve in Christ, all our sins shall be pardoned, therefore I desire to leave off my sins.

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This poor Publican was the l•st which made his Confession before I read them unto the Elders, and the last of them I shall now publish. I will shut up these Confessions with the Confession (if I may so call it) or rather with the Expression, and manifestation of saith, by two little ⟨p. 46⟩Infants, of two years old, and upward, under three years of age when the died and departed out of this world.

This poor Publican was the l•st which made his Confession before I read them unto the Elders, and the last of them I shall now publish. I will shut up these Confessions with the Confession (if I may so call it) or rather with the Expression, and manifestation of saith, by two little ⟨p. 46⟩Infants, of two yeers old, and upward, under three yeers of age when the died and departed out of this world.

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The Story is this,

to God, and instruction, and I hated instruction by the Word of God, and alwaies I laughed at them who prayed to God; and I alwaies thought I will yet more commit sin: and I went into the Country, and there I acted much lust, adultry, and the like, and all my Neighbors, we did together seek after wickedness, and every day I was proud, and of high or open eyes. When some of my neighbors began to pray, I went away into the Country, but I could find no place where I was beloved. Then I heard, That when beleevers die, they go to Heaven, when sinners die they go to Hel; and my heart considered, What good will it be if my soul go to Heaven? But two years ago, I began to think, I had sinned against God; and then somtimes I feared, yet again sinned; but my fear was of man, not of God: Then ever my heart said I should be better, if I would pray to God, and somtimes I beleeved that which I was taught, yet again, last year, I sought to go away afar off, but I could think of no place, but I should be in danger to be killed. Then again I much remembred my sins: and again I thought, What will become of me, if I die in my sins? and then I thought it was good for me to pray unto God so long as I live; and then my heart turned to praying unto God, and I did pray, and my heart feared when I heard the word read and taught, and I was glad to hear the Word of God; and then I purposed to pray as long as I live. Sometime I did dayly see my sins, and fear, for I cannot get pardon, only in Jesus Christ. Then I heard that word, I thank thee oh Heavenly father, that thou hast revealed these things to babes; and that word, that we must forgive each other: then I saw that I beleeved not one word from Christ, not any word of God; and dayly my heart wept, that Christ might pardon all my sins against God and Christ: and now unto this day my heart saith▪ I desire the good waies of praying to God, but I cannot know them of my self, but Jesus Christ must teach me them. When I heard, That only Christ must teach me them. When I heard, That only Christ must pardon our sins, and that for Christ God will pardon our sins, this day I rejoyce to hear that word of God, and all that Christ hath taught me: and now I purpose, That while I live, I will pray unto God, and

Reformers309

Puritans1,782

Westminster Assembly24

Evangelicals36

Another who made Confession, is named Nookau, which is as followeth. His first Confession.

Nookau, His Second Confession.

Another who made His Confession is named Owussumag; which is as followeth:

Another who made Confession, is named Ephraim, his Indian Name I have forgotten. It is as followeth: