Tears of repentance: or, A further narrative of the progress of the Gospel amongst the Indians in New-England: setting forth, not only their present state and condition, but sundry confessions of sin by diverse of the said Indians, wrought upon by the saving power of the Gospel; together with the manifestation of their faith and hope in Jesus Christ, and the work of grace upon their hearts. Related by Mr. Eliot and Mr. Mayhew, two faithful labourers in that work of the Lord. Published by the corporation for propagating the Gospel there, for the satisfaction and comfort of such as wish well thereunto.Tears of repentance: or, A further narrative of the progress of the Gospel amongst the Indians in New-England: setting forth, not only their present state and condition, but sundry confessions of sin by diverse of the said Indians, wrought upon by the saving power of the Gospel; together with the manifestation of their faith and hope in Jesus Christ, and the work of grace upon their hearts. Related by Mr. Eliot and Mr. Mayhew, two faithful laborers in that work of the Lord. Published by the corporation for propagating the Gospel there, for the satisfaction and comfort of such as wish well thereunto.
John Eliot 1604–1690London: printed by Peter Cole, 1653
[36], 47, [1] p. · 26k words · Wing E524 · ESTC R207106
Modern spelling is a reading aid: the words are the author’s, only the spelling is modernized. Original shows the page as printed, with the transcription marks.
I Confess my sins before the Lord, and before men this day: a little while since I did commit many sins, both in my hands and heart; lusts thefts, and many other sins, and that every day: and after I heard of praying to God, and that others prayed to God, my heart did not like it, but hated it, yea and mocked at it; and after they prayed at Cohannet I still hated it, and when I heard the Word I did not like of it, but thought of running away, because I loved sin: but I loved the place of my dwelling, and therefore I thought I will rather pray to God, and began to do it; a little I desired to learn the ten Commandments of God, and other points of Catechism; and then a little I repented, but I was quickly weary of repentance, and fell again to sin, and full of evil thoughts was my heart: and then I played the Hypocrite, and my heart was full of sin: I learned some things, but did not do what God commanded, but I sinned and plaid the Hypocrite; some things I did before man, but not before God. But afterward I feared because of my sins, and feared punishment for my sins, therefore I thought again I would run away; yet again I loving the place, would not run away, but would pray to God: and I asked a Question at the Lecture▪ which was this, How I should get wisdom? the Answer made me a little to understand: but afterward I heard the word If any man lack wisdom, let him ask it of God, who giveth liberally to all that ask, and upbraideth none. But then I did fear Gods anger, because of all my sins, because they were great. Afterward hearing that Word, That Christ is named Jesus, because he redeemeth us from all our sins: I thought Christ ⟨p. 17⟩would not save me, because I repent not, for he saveth only penitent Believers; but I am not such an one, but still a daily sinner. Afterward hearing that Word, Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they shall be filled: then I thought I am a poor sinner, and poor is my heart: then I prayed to God to teach me to do that which he requireth, and to pray aright. Afterward hearing that word, Who ever looks upon a Woman to lust after her, hath already committed Adultery with her in his heart; then I thought I had done all manner of sins in the sight of God, because he seeth lust in the heart, and knoweth all the evil thoughts of my heart; and then I did pray unto God, Oh! give me Repentance and Pardon.
I Confess my sins before the Lord, and before men this day: a little while since I did commit many sins, both in my hands and heart; lusts thefts, and many other sins, and that every day: and after I heard of praying to God, and that others prayed to God, my heart did not like it, but hated it, yea and mocked at it; and after they prayed at Cohannet I stil hated it, and when I heard the Word I did not like of it, but thought of running away, because I loved sin: but I loved the place of my dwelling, and therfore I thought I wil rather pray to God, and began to do it; a little I desired to learn the ten Commandements of God, and other points of Catechisme; and then a little I repented, but I was quickly weary of repentance, and fell again to sin, and full of evil thoughts was my heart: and then I played the Hypocrite, and my heart was full of sin: I learned some things, but did not do what God commanded, but I sinned and playd the Hypocrite; some things I did before man, but not before God. But afterward I feared because of my sins, and feared punishment for my sins, therefore I thought again I would run away; yet again I loving the place, would not run away, but would pray to God: and I asked a Question at the Lecture▪ which was this, How I should get wisdom? the Answer made me a little to understand: but afterward I heard the word If any man lack wisdom, let him ask it of God, who giveth liberally to all that ask, and upbraideth none. But then I did fear Gods anger, because of all my sins, because they were great. Afterward hearing that Word, That Christ is named Jesus, because he redeemeth us from all our sins: I thought Christ ⟨p. 17⟩would not save me, because I repent not, for he saveth only penitent Beleevers; but I am not such an one, but still a dayly sinner. Afterward hearing that Word, Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they shall be filled: then I thought I am a poor sinner, and poor is my heart: then I prayed to God to teach me to do that which he requireth, and to pray aright. Afterward hearing that word, Who ever looks upon a Woman to lust after her, hath already committed Adultry with her in his heart; then I thought I had done all manner of sins in the sight of God, because he seeth lust in the heart, and knoweth all the evil thoughts of my heart; and then I did pray unto God, Oh! give me Repentance and Pardon.
Afterwards when I did teach among the Indians, I was much humbled because I could not read right, and that I sinned in it; for I saw that when I thought to do a good work, I sinned in doing it, for I knew not what was right, nor how to do it. In the night I was considering of my sins, and could not find what to do: three nights I considered what to do, and at last God showed me mercy, and showed me what I should do. And then I desired to learn to read Gods Word, and hearing that if we ask wisdom of God, he will give it, then I did much pray to God, that he would teach me to read. After a years time, I thought I did not rightly seek, and I thought I sinned, because I did not rightly desire to read Gods Word, and I thought my praying was sinful, and I feared, how should I, my wife, and child be clothed, if I spend my time in learning to read; but then God was merciful to me, and showed me that Word, Say not, what shall I eat, or drink, or wherewith shall I be clothed, wicked men seek after these; but first seek the Kingdom of Heaven, and these things shall be added to you; then I pr•yed God to teach me this word, and that I might do it: and then I desired to read Gods word, what ever I wanted. Afterward hearing that we must make a Town, and gather a Church at Natick, my heart disliked that place; but hearing that word, That Christ met two Fishers, and said, follow me, and I will make you fishers of men, and they presently left all and followed him; hearing this, I was much troubled, because I had not believed Christ, for I would not ⟨p. 18⟩follow him to make a Church, nor had I done what he commanded me, and then I was troubled for all my sins. Again hearing that word, That the blind man called after Christ, saying, thou Son of David have mercy on me; Christ asked him what he would have him do, he said, Lord open my eyes; and presently Christ gave him sight, and he followed Christ: then again my heart was troubled, for I thought I still believe not, because I do not follow Christ, nor hath he yet opened mine eyes: then I prayed to Christ to open mine eyes, that I might see what to do, because I am blind and cannot see how to follow Christ, and do what he commandeth, and I prayed to Christ, Teach me Lord what to do, and to do what thou sayest; and I prayed that I might follow Christ: and then I thought I will follow Christ to make a Church.
All this trouble I had to be brought to be willing to make a Church: and quickly after, God laid upon me more trouble, by sickness and death; and then I much prayed to God for life, for we were all sick, and then God would not hear me, to give us life; but first one of my Children died, and after that my Wife; then I was in great sorrow, because I thought God would no hear me, and I thought it was because I would not follow him, therefore he hears not me: then I found this sin in my heart, That I was angry at the punishment of God: but afterward I considered, I was a poor sinner, I have nothing, nor Child, nor Wife, I deserve that God should take away all mercies from me; and then I repented of my sins, and did much pray, and I remembered the promise to follow Christ, and my heart said, I had in this sinned, that followed not Christ, and therefore I cried for pardon of this sin: and then hearing of this Word, Who ever believeth in Christ, his sins are pardoned, he believing that Christ died for us; and I believed. Again hearing that Word, If ye be not converted, and become as a little Child, you cannot go to Heaven; then my heart thought, I do not this, but I deserve Hell fire for ever; and then I prayed Christ, Oh! turn me from my sin, and teach me to hear thy Word; and I prayed to my Father in Heaven: and after this, I believed in Christ for pardon. Afterward I heard that Word, That it is a shame for a man ⟨p. 19⟩to wear long hair, and that there was no such custom in the Churches: at first I thought I loved not long hair, but I did, and found it very hard to cut it off; and then I prayed God to pardon that sin also: Afterward I thought my heart cared not for the Word of God: but then I thought I would give my self up unto the Lord, to do all his Word. Afterward I heard that word, If thy right foot offend thee, cut it off, or thy right hand, or thy right eye; its better to go to Heaven with one foot, or hand, or eye, than having both to go to Hell; then I thought my hair had been a stumbling to me, therefore I cut it off, and grieved for this fin, and prayed for pardon. After hearing that word, Come unto me all ye that are weary and heavy laden with your sins, and I will give rest to your souls; then my heart thought that I do daily hate my sins, Oh! that I could go to Christ!
All this trouble I had to be brought to be willing to make a Church: and quickly after, God laid upon me more trouble, by sickness and death; and then I much prayed to God for life, for we were all sick, and then God would not hear me, to give us life; but first one of my Children died, and after that my Wife; then I was in great sorrow, because I thought God would no hear me, and I thought it was because I would not follow him, therefore he hears not me: then I found this sin in my heart, That I was angry at the punishment of God: but afterward I considered, I was a poor sinner, I have nothing, nor Child, nor Wife, I deserve that God should take away all mercies from me; and then I repented of my sins, and did much pray, and I remembred the promise to follow Christ, and my heart said, I had in this sinned, that followed not Christ, and therefore I cryed for pardon of this sin: and then hearing of this Word, Who ever beleeveth in Christ, his sins are pardoned, he beleeving that Christ died for us; and I beleeved. Again hearing that Word, If ye be not converted, and become as a little Child, you cannot go to Heaven; then my heart thought, I do not this, but I deserve Hell fire for ever; and then I prayed Christ, Oh! turn me from my sin, and teach me to hear thy Word; and I prayed to my Father in Heaven: and after this, I beleeved in Christ for pardon. Afterward I heard that Word, That it is a shame for a man
and Christ looketh I should come unto him, therefore I will go unto him, and therefore then I prayed, Oh! Christ help me to come unto thee: and I prayed because of all my sins that they may be pardoned. For the first man was made like God in holiness, and righteousness, and God gave him his Covenant; but Adam sinned, believing the Devil, therefore God was angry, and therefore all we Children of Adam are like the Devil, and daily sin, and break every Law of God, full of evil thoughts, words, and works, and only Christ can deliver us from our sins, and he that believeth in Christ is pardoned; but my heart of my self cannot believe: Satan hath power in me, but I cry to God, Oh! give me faith, and pardon my sin, because Christ alone can deliver me from Hell; therefore I pray, Oh! Jesus Christ deliver me. Christ hath provided the new Covenant to save Believers in Christ, therefore I desire to give my soul to Christ, for pardon of all my sins: the first Covenant is broke by sin, and we deserve Hell; but Christ keepeth for us the new Covenant, and therefore I betrust my soul with Christ. Again, I desire to believe in Christ, because Christ will come to judgment, and all shall rise again, and all Believers in this life shall then be saved; therefore I desire to believe Christ, and mortify sin as long as I live; and I pray Christ to help me to believe: and I thank God for all his mercies every ⟨p. 20⟩day: and now I confess before God that I loath my self for my sins and beg pardon.
and Christ looketh I should come unto him, therfore I will go unto him, and therfore then I prayed, Oh! Christ help me to come unto thee: and I prayed because of all my sins that they may be pardoned. For the first man was made like God in holiness, and righteousness, and God gave him his Covenant; but Adam sinned, beleeving the Devil, therefore God was angry, and therefore all we Children of Adam are like the Devil, and dayly sin, and break every Law of God, full of evil thoughts, words, and works, and only Christ can deliver us from our sins, and he that beleeveth in Christ is pardoned; but my heart of my self cannot beleeve: Satan hath power in me, but I cry to God, Oh! give me faith, and pardon my sin, because Christ alone can deliver me from Hell; therefore I pray, Oh! Jesus Christ deliver me. Christ hath provided the new Covenant to save Beleevers in Christ, therefore I desire to give my soul to Christ, for pardon of all my sins: the first Covenant is broke by sin, and we deserve Hell; but Christ keepeth for us the new Covenant, and therfore I betrust my soul with Christ. Again, I desire to beleeve in Christ, because Christ will come to judgment, and all shall rise again, and all Beleevers in this life shall then be saved; therefore I desire to beleeve Christ, and mortifie sin as long as I live; and I pray Christ to help me to beleeve: and I thank God for all his mercies every
Thus far he went in his Confession; but they being slow of speech, time was far spent and a great assembly of English understanding nothing he said, only waiting for my interpretation, many of them went forth, others whispered, and a great confusion was in the House and abroad: and I perceived that the graver sort thought the time long, therefore knowing he had spoken enough unto satisfaction (at least as I judged) I here took him off. Then one of the Elders asked, if I took him off, or whether had he finished? I answered, That I took him off. So after my reading what he had said, we called another.
Thus far he went in his Confession; but they being slow of speech, time was far spent and a great assembly of English understanding nothing he said, only waiting for my interpretation, many of them went forth, others whispered, and a great confusion was in the House and abroad: and I perceived that the graver sort thought the time long, therfore knowing he had spoken enough unto satisfaction (at least as I judged) I here took him off. Then one of the Elders asked, if I took him off, or whether had he finished? I answered, That I took him off. So after my reading what he had said, we called another.
The next who was called forth was Ponampam, who had formerly twice made confession, and both read before the Elders. His first Confession was as followeth.
When God first had mercy on us, when they first prayed at Noonanetam, I heard of it, and the first word that I heard was, That all from the rising of the sun to the going down thereof, shall pray unto God; and I thought, Oh! let it be so. After I considered what the word may be, and understood by it, That God was merciful; afterwards when you always came to us, I only heard the word, I did not understand it, nor meditate on it, yet I found that all my doings were sins against God; then I prayed unto God. Afterwards I heard, That God would pardon all that believe in Christ! and quickly after I saw my sins to be very many; I saw that in every thing I did, I sinned: & when I saw these my sins against God, I was weary of my self, & angry with my self ⟨p. 21⟩in my heart; but the free mercy of God, caused me to hear his word, and then I feared because every day sin was in my heart, and I thought in vain I looked to Christ: Then hearing this word of Christ, that Christ taught through every town, and village, Repent and believe. If any one repent, and mourn, and believe, I will pardon him; then my heart thought I will pray to God as long as I live: but sometimes my heart was ashamed, and sometimes my heart was strong, and God seeth my heart: I now desire to repent, and believe in Christ, and that Christ will pardon me, and show mercy to us all.
VVHen God first had mercy on us, when they first prayed at Noonanetam, I heard of it, and the first word that I heard was, That all from the rising of the sun to the going down thereof, shall pray unto God; and I thought, Oh! let it be so. After I considered what the word may be, and understood by it, That God was mercyfull; afterwards when you alwayes came to us, I only heard the word, I did not understand it, nor meditate on it, yet I found that al my doings were sins against God; then I prayed unto God. Afterwards I heard, That God would pardon all that beleeve in Christ! and quickly after I saw my sins to be very many; I saw that in every thing I did, I sinned: & when I saw these my sins against God, I was weary of my self, & angry with my self ⟨p. 21⟩in my heart; but the free mercy of God, caused me to hear his word, and then I feared because every day sin was in my heart, and I thought in vain I looked to Christ: Then hearing this word of Christ, that Christ taught through every town, and village, Repent and beleeve. If any one repent, and mourn, and beleeve, I will pardon him; then my heart thought I will pray to God as long as I live: but somtimes my heart was ashamed, and somtimes my heart was strong, and God seeth my heart: I now desire to repent, and beleeve in Christ, and that Christ will pardon me, and shew mercy to us all.
When I prayed not unto God I ever sinned every day: but when Noonanetam Indians first prayed, I heard of it, and three nights I considered whether I should pray or no, but I found not how to pray unto God, but how not to pray: but then I heard Gods free mercy in his word, call all to pray, from the rising of the Sun to the going down thereof; yet presently I lost that word, and sinned again, and committed many sins. Then Gods free mercy showed me in the Catechism, That God made all the World, yet my heart did not believe, because I knew I sprung from my Father and Mother: I did always act many sins, because I was born in sin, and in vain I heard Gods word. Then I heard Gods Word, That Christ was made man, yet I did but hear it, though I thought it might be true: I thought I would cast off all sin, but then I found that I loved them very much. I heard Gods promise to Abraham, To increase his Children as the Stars for number, but I believed not, because he had but one Son: and thus I cast off the word, and committed sins. I heard also from the word, That all men are not alike to God, some are first to God, [or preferred before other;] but I did ⟨p. 22⟩not believe it because all men die alike; therefore they are not the Sons of God, and God is not their Father: So still I believed not the Word, but broke Gods Word daily, and in vain I heard Gods Word. Afterward I heard that Word of God to Moses, I'll be with thy mouth, for who maketh the seeing Eye, or hearing Ear, is it not I? saith the Lord: then I understood a little of God, and of his Word; but still I acted much sin. Afterward I heard that Word of Free-Grace, Repent, and believe the Gospel, and who ever believe shall be saved; then my heart believed, then I saw I had prayed but afore man, & so was my hearing, or any other duty; and I saw other of my sins against God; and then I saw that my heart did not believe as it should, & I desired to be open in my doings; I saw I brake every command of God: yet presently I lost this, and the Word of Christ was of little worth unto me; and I saw I loved sin very much. Then again I heard that word, That all shall pray from the rising to the sitting Sun; then I thought I will pray to God, and yet only my tongue prayed. Then again I heard the Catechism, That God made Adam and Eve, and all the world, and a little I believed that word.
WHen I prayed not unto God I ever sinned every day: but when Noonanetam Indians first prayed, I heard of it, and three nights I considered whether I should pray or no, but I found not how to pray unto God, but how not to pray: but then I heard Gods free mercy in his word, call all to pray, from the rising of the Sun to the going down thereof; yet presently I lost that word, and sinned again, and committed many sins. Then Gods free mercy shewed me in the Catechism, That God made all the World, yet my heart did not beleeve, because I knew I sprung from my Father and Mother: I did alwaies act many sins, because I was born in sin, and in vain I heard Gods word. Then I heard Gods Word, That Christ was made man, yet I did but hear it, though I thought it might be true: I thought I would cast off all sin, but then I found that I loved them very much. I heard Gods promise to Abraham, To increase his Children as the Stars for number, but I beleeved not, because he had but one Son: and thus I cast off the word, and committed sins. I heard also from the word, That all men are not alike to God, some are first to God, [or preferred before other;] but I did
Afterward I heard another word, That they are Bastards, not Sons, whom God afflicts not: I did a little think this to be a truth, and then I prayed more unto God, and yet I saw I feared man more than God: but notwithstanding, I have prayed unto God from that day unto this day; yet I see I sin every day. When I heard that Word that God spake to Moses in the Mount by a Trumpet, and said, Thou shalt not have any other God, thou shalt not lust, nor lye, nor kill, &c. I saw all these I had broken; I heard the Word, but sinned in what I heard: I heard that my heart must break and melt for sin, and believe in Christ, and that we should try our hearts if it be so; yet I could try but little, nor find but little, but still I sinned much. I heard that Word, That they which cast off God, God will cast off them; and I feared lest God should cast me away, because of my sins: I was ashamed of my sins, and my heart melted, and I thought I will give my self to God, and to Christ, and do what he will for ever; and because of this promise of pardon to all that repent and believe, my heart desireth to pray to God as long as I live.
Afterward I heard another word, That they are Bastards, not Sons, whom God afflicts not: I did a little think this to be a truth, and then I prayed more unto God, and yet I saw I feared man more than God: but notwithstanding, I have prayed unto God from that day unto this day; yet I see I sin every day. When I heard that Word that God spake to Moses in the Mount by a Trumpet, and said, Thou shalt not have any other God, thou shalt not lust, nor lye, nor kill, &c. I saw all these I had broken; I heard the Word, but sinned in what I heard: I heard that my heart must break and melt for sin, and beleeve in Christ, and that we should try our hearts if it be so; yet I could try but little, nor find but little, but still I sinned much. I heard that Word, That they which cast off God, God will cast off them; and I feared lest God should cast me away, because of my sins: I was ashamed of my sins, and my heart melted, and I thought I wil give my self to God, and to Christ, and do what he will for ever; and because of this promise of pardon to al that repent and beleeve, my heart desireth to pray to God as long as I live.
Before I prayed unto God, I committed all manner of sins; and when I heard the Catechism, That God made me, I did not believe it, because I knew I sprang from my Father and Mother, and therefore I despised the Word, and therefore again I did act all sins, and I did love them. Then God was merciful to me, to let me hear that Word, That all shall pray from the rising to the s••ting Sun; and then I considered whether I should pray, but I found not in my heart that all should pray: but then I considered of praying, and what would become of me if I did not pray, and what would become of me, if I did pray; but I thought if I did pray, the Sachems would be angry, because They did not say, pray to God, and therefore I did not yet pray; but considering of that word, that all shall pray, I was troubled, and I found in my heart that I would pray unto God; and yet I feared that others would laugh at me, and therefore I did not yet pray. Afterward God was yet merciful to me, and I heard that God made the World, and the first man, and I thought it was true, and therefore I would pray to God, because he hath made all; and yet when I did pray, I thought I prayed not aright, because I prayed for the sake of man, and I thought this to be a great sin. But then I wondered at Gods free mercy to me, for I saw God made me, and giveth me all mercies: and then was I troubled, and saw that many were my sins, and that I do not yet believe; then I prayed, yet my heart sinned, for I prayed only with my mouth: and then I repented of my sins, and then a little I considered and remembered Gods love unto us: but I was a sinner, and many were my ⟨p. 24⟩sins, and a little I repented of them; and yet again I sinned, and quickly was my heart full of sin: then again was my heart angry with my self, and often I lost all this again, and fell into sin. Then I heard that word, That God sent Moses to Egypt, and promised I will be with thee; that promise I considered, but I thought that in vain I did seek, and I was ashamed that I did so: and I prayed, Oh God teach me truly to pray, not only before man, but before God, and pardon all these my sins. Again I heard that word, that Christ taught through every Town and Village, Repent and believe, and be saved, and a little I believed this word, and I loved it, and then I saw all my sins, and prayed for pardon.
BEfore I prayed unto God, I committed all manner of sins; and when I heard the Catechism, That God made me, I did not beleeve it, because I knew I sprang from my Father and Mother, and therefore I despised the Word, and therefore again I did act all sins, and I did love them. Then God was merciful to me, to let me hear that Word, That al shal pray from the rising to the sting Sun; and then I considered whether I should pray, but I found not in my heart that all should pray: but then I considered of praying, and what would become of me if I did not pray, and what would become of me, if I did pray; but I thought if I did pray, the Sacbems would be angry, because They did not say, pray to God, and therefore I did not yet pray; but considering of that word, that all shall pray, I was troubled, and I found in my heart that I would pray unto God; and yet I feared that others would laugh at me, and therefore I did not yet pray. Afterward God was yet merciful to me, and I heard that God made the World, and the first man, and I thought it was true, and therefore I would pray to God, because he hath made all; and yet when I did pray, I thought I prayed not aright, because I prayed for the sake of man, and I thought this to be a great sin. But then I wondered at Gods free mercy to me, for I saw God made me, and giveth me all mercies: and then was I troubled, and saw that many were my sins, and that I do not yet beleeve; then I prayed, yet my heart sinned, for I prayed only with my mouth: and then I repented of my sins, and then a little I considered and remembred Gods love unto us: but I was a sinner, and many were my
Again I heard that word, He that casteth off God, him will God cast off; and I found in my heart, that I had done this, and I feared because of this my sin, lest God should cast me off, and that I should for ever perish in Hell, because God hath cast me off, I having cast of God: then I was troubled about Hell, and what shall I do if I be damned! Then I heard that word, If ye repent and believe, God pardons all sins; then I thought, Oh that I had this, I desired to repent and believe, and I begged of God, Oh give me Repentance and Faith, freely do it for me; and I saw God was merciful to do it, but I did not attend the Lord, only sometimes; and I now confess I am ashamed of my sins, my heart is broken, and melteth in me; I am angry at my self; I desire pardon in Christ; I betrust my soul with Christ, that he may do it for me.
Again I heard that word, He that casteth off God, him will God cast off; and I found in my heart, that I had done this, and I feared because of this my sin, lest God should cast me off, and that I should for ever perish in Hell, because God hath cast me off, I having cast of God: then I was troubled about Hell, and what shall I do if I be damned! Then I heard that word, If ye repent and beleeve, God pardons all sins; then I thought, Oh that I had this, I desired to repent and beleeve, and I begged of God, Oh give me Repentance and Faith, freely do it for me; and I saw God was merciful to do it, but I did not attend the Lord, only sometimes; and I now confess I am ashamed of my sins, my heart is broken, and melteth in me; I am angry at my self; I desire pardon in Christ; I betrust my soul with Christ, that he may do it for me.
By such time as this man had finished, the time was far spent, and he was the fifth in number, their speeches being slow, and they were the more slow at my request, that I might write what they said; & oft I was forced to inquire of my interpreter (who sat by me) because I did not perfectly understand some sentences, especially of some of them: these things did make the work long-some, considering the enlargement of spirit God gave some of them; and should we have proceeded further, it would have been sun-set before the Confessions in likelihood would have been finished, besides all the rest of the work that was to be done to finish so solemn a work; and the ⟨p. 25⟩place being remote in the woods, the nights long and cold and people not fitted to lie abroad, and no competent lodgings in the place for such persons, and the work of such moment as would not admit an huddling up in hast. And besides all this, though I had fully used all fit means, to have all the Interpreters present that I could, that so the interpretation might not depend upon my single testimony, yet so it was that they all failed, and I was alone (as I have been wont to be in this work) which providence of God was not to be neglected in so solemn a business. Wherefore the Magistrates, Elders, and Grave Men present, advised together what to do, and the Conclusion was, Not to proceed any further at present, yet so to carry the matter, as that the Indians might in no wise be discouraged, but encouraged; to which end, one of the Elders was requested to speak unto the English, the two above said Reasons, viz. The want of Interpreters, And want of Time, to finish at this time so solemn a Work; but to refer it to a more fitting time. And I was desired to declare it to the Indians, which I did to this purpose, That the Magistrates, Elders, and other Christian People present, did much rejoice to hear their Confessions, and advised them to go on in that good way; but as for the gathering a Church among them this day, it could not be; partly, Because neither Mr. Mayhew, nor Mr. Leveridg. nor any Interpreter was here (for whom they knew I had sent, some of themselves being the Messengers to carry Letters time enough) and it was Gods Ordinance, That when any were to judg a Case, though they could believe one Witness, yet they could not judg under two or three.
By such time as this man had finished, the time was far spent, and he was the fift in number, their speeches being slow, and they were the more slow at my request, that I might write what they said; & oft I was forced to inquire of my interpreter (who sat by me) because I did not perfectly understand some sentences, especially of some of them: these things did make the work long-som, considering the inlargement of spirit God gave some of them; and should we have proceeded further, it would have been sun-set before the Confessions in likelyhood would have been finished, besides all the rest of the work that was to be done to finish so solemn a work; and the
Afterwards when I did teach among the Indians, I was much humbled because I could not reade right, and that I sinned in it; for I saw that when I thought to do a good work, I sinned in doing it, for I knew not what was right, nor how to do it. In the night I was considering of my sins, and could not find what to do: three nights I considered what to do, and at last God shewed me mercy, and shewed me what I should do. And then I desired to learn to read Gods Word, and hearing that if we ask wisdom of God, he will give it, then I did much pray to God, that he would teach me to reade. After a years time, I thought I did not rightly seek, and I thought I sinned, because I did not rightly desire to read Gods Word, and I thought my praying was sinful, and I feared, how should I, my wife, and child be cloathed, if I spend my time in learning to reade; but then God was merciful to me, and shewed me that Word, Say not, what shall I eat, or drink, or wherewith shall I be cloathed, wicked men seek after these; but first seek the Kingdom of Heaven, and these things shall be added to you; then I pr•yed God to teach me this word, and that I might do it: and then I desired to read Gods word, what ever I wanted. Afterward hearing that we must make a Town, and gather a Church at Natick, my heart disliked that place; but hearing that word, That Christ met two Fishers, and said, follow me, and I will make you fishers of men, and they presently left all and followed him; hearing this, I was much troubled, because I had not beleeved Christ, for I would not ⟨p. 18⟩follow him to make a Church, nor had I done what he commanded me, and then I was troubled for all my sins. Again hearing that word, That the blind man called after Christ, saying, thou Son of David have mercy on me; Christ asked him what he would have him do, he said, Lord open my eyes; and presently Christ gave him sight, and he followed Christ: then again my heart was troubled, for I thought I still beleeve not, because I do not follow Christ, nor hath he yet opened mine eyes: then I prayed to Christ to open mine eyes, that I might see what to do, because I am blind and cannot see how to follow Christ, and do what he commandeth, and I prayed to Christ, Teach me Lord what to do, and to do what thou sayest; and I prayed that I might follow Christ: and then I thought I will follow Christ to make a Church.
⟨p. 19⟩
to wear long hair, and that there was no such custom in the Churches: at first I thought I loved not long hair, but I did, and found it very hard to cut it off; and then I prayed God to pardon that sin also: Afterward I thought my heart cared not for the Word of God: but then I thought I would give my self up unto the Lord, to do all his Word. Afterward I heard that word, If thy right foot offend thee, cut it off, or thy right hand, or thy right eye; its better to go to Heaven with one foot, or hand, or eye, than having both to go to Hell; then I thought my hair had been a stumbling to me, therefore I cut it off, and grieved for this fin, and prayed for pardon. After hearing that word, Come unto me all ye that are weary and heavie laden with your sins, and I will give rest to your souls; then my heart thought that I do dayly hate my sins, Oh! that I could go to Christ!
⟨p. 20⟩
day: and now I confess before God that I loath my self for my sins and beg pardon.
⟨p. 22⟩
not beleeve it because all men die alike; therefore they are not the Sons of God, and God is not their Father: So still I beleeved not the Word, but broke Gods Word dayly, and in vain I heard Gods Word. Afterward I heard that Word of God to Moses, I'le be with thy mouth, for who maketh the seeing Eye, or hearing Ear, is it not I? saith the Lord: then I understood a little of God, and of his Word; but still I acted much sin. Afterward I heard that Word of Free-Grace, Repent, and beleeve the Gospel, and who ever beleeve shall be saved; then my heart beleeved, then I saw I had prayed but afore man, & so was my hearing, or any other duty; and I saw other of my sins against God; and then I saw that my heart did not beleev as it should, & I desired to be open in my doings; I saw I brake every command of God: yet presently I lost this, and the Word of Christ was of little worth unto me; and I saw I loved sin very much. Then again I heard that word, That all shall pray from the rising to the sitting Sun; then I thought I will pray to God, and yet only my tongue prayed. Then again I heard the Catechism, That God made Adam and Eve, and al the world, and a little I beleeved that word.
••
⟨p. 24⟩
sins, and a little I repented of them; and yet again I sinned, and quickly was my heart full of sin: then again was my heart angry with my self, and often I lost all this again, and fell into sin. Then I heard that word, That God sent Moses to Egypt, and promised I will be with thee; that promise I considered, but I thought that in vain I did seek, and I was ashamed that I did so: and I prayed, Oh God teach me truly to pray, not only before man, but before God, and pardon al these my sins. Again I heard that word, that Christ taught through every Town and Village, Repent and beleeve, and be saved, and a little I beleeved this word, and I loved it, and then I saw all my sins, and prayed for pardon.
⟨p. 25⟩
place being remote in the woods, the nights long and cold and people not fitted to lie abroad, and no competant lodgings in the place for such persons, and the work of such moment as wonld not admit an hudling up in hast. And besides all this, though I had fully used all fit means, to have all the Interpreters present that I could, that so the intetpretation might not depend upon my single testemony, yet so it was that they all failed, and I was alone (as I have been wont to be in this work) which providence of God was not to be neglected in so solemn a business. Wherfore the Magistrates, Elders, and Grave Men present, advised together what to do, and the Conclusion was, Not to proceed any further at present, yet so to carry the matter, as that the Indians might in no wise be discouraged, but encouraged; to which end, one of the Elders was requested to speak unto the English, the two above said Reasons, viz. The want of Interpreters, And want of Time, to finish at this time so solemn a Work; but to refer it to a more fitting time. And I was desired to declare it to the Indians, which I did to this purpose, That the Magistrates, Elders, and other Christian People present, did much rejoyce to hear their Confessions, and advised them to go on in that good way; but as for the gathering a Church among them this day, it could not be; partly, Because neither Mr. Mayhew, nor Mr. Leveridg. nor any Interpreter was here (for whom they knew I had sent, some of themselves being the Messengers to carry Letters time enough) and it was Gods Ordinance, That when any were to judg a Case, though they could beleeve one Witness, yet they could not judg under two or three.
