And if in the height of her bodily distemper, (the vapours fuming up to her head) she spake any thing amiss of her self (which is no *new thing, and its better to go out of the world, troubled, than lulled by Satan; in a holy solicitude, than in a carnal security) she afterward remembered and bemoaned it; and acknowledged that God was a holy and just Sovereign, in letting her find he had sharper rods for his people than the death of a son, and that it is folly to stand it out against God. All Sabbath night she put away sleep, and prepared to launch into that boundless Ocean, eternity; and therefore proposed all her objections, fears and doubts, that she might have resolution; laid open the temptations of the Devil, that she might know how to repel them; and freely confessed all her sins, (in some of which most live without taking much notice of them) which her tender conscience aggravated to the full; and when she could not remember any moe, she begged a friend to help her in this her search, and when he could not, then she turned her speech to God, saying, O thou God search me, and try me, and let me not dye in one unrepented for sin, let me not deceive my self, O gracious God what shall I do? I will anchor my faith on Jesus, who hath been favourable to others, and why not to me? She prayed earnestly for pardon of sin, and that she might have her soul for a prey: And of this she expressed her hope, hoping that she had all her hell in this life, (meaning that nights agony) and that notwithstanding all her fears, she should go to heaven, comforting her self in the remembrance of a most holy upright old Disciple, 2who had gone to heaven without assurance; (what a joy doth she now find in being delivered from all her fears, and ⟨p. 17⟩how greatly doth it set off heaven, to travel to it through the Suburbs of hell!) and now all her doubts and temptations being answered, and she silenced, she did rest all Monday satisfied in great calmness of mind, giving directions concerning her body after death, and other affairs, and was not heard after that nights conflict, to speak doubtfully or fearfully of her eternal salvation. About seven of the clock at night, finding her convulsion fit to seize on her, she desired one to pray with her, and after being asked if she heard, and had joined in spirit? answered yea; And I thank God I have delighted in prayer.
And if in the height of her bodily distemper, (the vapours fuming up to her head) she spake any thing amisse of her self (which is no *new thing, and its better to go out of the world, troubled, than lulled by Satan; in a holy sollicitude, than in a carnal security) she afterward remembred and bemoaned it; and acknowledged that God was a holy and just Soveraign, in letting her finde he had sharper rods for his people than the death of a sonne, and that it is folly to stand it out against God. All Sabbath night she put away sleep, and prepared to launch into that boundlesse Ocean, eternity; and therefore proposed all her objections, fears and doubts, that she might have resolution; laid open the temptations of the Divel, that she might know how to repel them; and freely confessed all her sinnes, (in some of which most live without taking much notice of them) which her tender conscience aggravated to the full; and when she could not remember any moe, she begg'd a friend to help her in this her search, and when he could not, then she turned her speech to God, saying, O thou God search me, and try me, and let me not dye in one unrepented for sin, let me not deceive my self, O gracious God what shall I do? I will anchor my faith on Jesus, who hath been favourable to others, and why not to me? She prayed earnestly for pardon of sinne, and that she might have her soul for a prey: And of this she expressed her hope, hoping that she had all her hell in this life, (meaning that nights agony) and that notwithstanding all her fears, she should go to heaven, comforting her self in the remembrance of a most holy upright old Disciple, 2who had gone to heaven without assurance; (what a joy doth she now finde in being delivered from all her fears, and ⟨p. 17⟩how greatly doth it set off heaven, to travel to it through the Suburbs of hell!) and now all her doubts and temptations being answered, and she silenc't, she did rest all Monday satisfied in great calmnesse of minde, giving directions concerning her body after death, and other affairs, and was not heard after that nights conflict, to speak doubtfully or fearfully of her eternal salvation. About seven of the clock at night, finding her convulsion fit to seize on her, she desired one to pray with her, and after being asked if she heard, and had joyned in spirit? answered yea; And I thank God I have delighted in prayer.
- *See Psal. 22. 38. 77. 88. Job. Isa. 49. 14. Mat. 27. 46. Perkins vol. 1. page 290. 491. 492. vol. 3. pag. 407. Greenham, page 9. 81. Mrs. Bretterghs life, and her Funeral Sermons, in 8. Mr. Boltons instructions for troubled consetences. p. 232. 236, &c. Dr. Spurstowe on the Promises, chap. 15.
- 2Mr. Trench.
