Towards the close of the Day, being full of Extremity of Anguish in my Soul because of my Sin, it was put into my Heart, that I must go and throw myself down at the Feet of my Saviour, and see whether He would Accept of me or no; Resolving, that if He would Accept of me, then I would be His; but ⟨p. 11⟩if not, then I would Perish at His Feet. So I came before Him with those Words of Esther, If I Perish, I Perish. Yet, (I said) Lord, if it must be so, I am resolved to Perish at the Feet of thy Mercy. It is true, I am a Dog, and indeed unworthy of so much as a Crumb; I have been a great Sinner; Yet I am resolved, I will not Offend any more, but be Thine, and be Thine only, and be Thine forever! And while I was thus Praying and Pleading, those Words of CHRIST were darted into my Mind, Him that cometh unto me I will in no wise Cast out: Which Promise I Pleaded with the Lord. After that, I had some Comfortable Persuasion that my Sins were Pardoned, and that the Lord would show me Mercy. And thus I went on Comfortably and Walked with GOD! But after some time, Mr. Norton showed, That a Man might Forsake his Sins, and have been in some Sorrow of Heart for them, and yet not he truly Converted unto GOD. This Word stuck deep into me; And I was afraid, that though I had been in Unspeakable Sorrow for my Sin, and thence had Forsaken it, yet my Conversion might not be Sound. But then, hearing my Father Preach on that, The whole have no need of a Physician, but the Sick, I thought the Sermon was Preached wholly for myself. My Father showing, That where there was New and True Obedience, and where the Heart was Changed from the Love of Sin to the Love of God, it Argued Conversion; Examining myself, I thought it was so with me, My Father also Answered a Scruple that was in my ⟨p. 12⟩Heart: For I feared, my Faith was not Right, because it was not so much some Word Preached, but Affliction that was the first means of my more Effectual Awakening. He showed how the Conversion of Manasseh was Accomplished. Sometime after this, Mr. Mitchel Preaching on Joh. 1 47. Behold, An Israelite indeed: He Pressed much to Self Examination! Laying down several Characters of Sincerity: As, When GOD in CHRIST is become the Rest of the Soul; And when there is no known Sin Lived in, or Duty Neglected; And when the Heart is for GOD Chiefly, Wholly, Universally.
Towards the close of the Day, being full of Extremity of Anguish in my Soul because of my Sin, it was put into my Heart, that I must go and throw myself down at the Feet of my Saviour, and see whether He would Accept of me or no; Resolving, that if He would Accept of me, then I would be His; but ⟨p. 11⟩if not, then I would Perish at His Feet. So I came before Him with those Words of Esther, If I Perish, I Perish. Yet, (I said) Lord, if it must be so, I am resolved to Perish at the Feet of thy Mercy. It is true, I am a Dog, and indeed unworthy of so much as a Crumb; I have been a great Sinner; Yet I am resolved, I will not Offend any more, but be Thine, and be Thine only, and be Thine forever! And while I was thus Praying and Pleading, those Words of CHRIST were darted into my Mind, Him that cometh unto me I will in no wise Cast out: Which Promise I Pleaded with the Lord. After that, I had some Comfortable Perswasion that my Sins were Pardoned, and that the Lord would shew me Mercy. And thus I went on Comfortably and Walked with GOD! But after some time, Mr. Norton shewed, That a Man might Forsake his Sins, and have been in some Sorrow of Heart for them, and yet not he truly Converted unto GOD. This Word stuck deep into me; And I was afraid, that though I had been in Unspeakable Sorrow for my Sin, and thence had Forsaken it, yet my Conversion might not be Sound. But then, hearing my Father Preach on that, The whole have no need of a Physician, but the Sick, I thought the Sermon was Preached wholly for myself. My Father shewing, That where there was New and True Obedience, and where the Heart was Changed from the Love of Sin to the Love of God, it Argued Conversion; Examining myself, I thought it was so with me, My Father also Answered a Scruple that was in my ⟨p. 12⟩Heart: For I feared, my Faith was not Right, because it was not so much some Word Preached, but Affliction that was the first means of my more Effectual Awakening. He shew'd how the Conversion of Menasseh was Accomplished. Sometime after this, Mr. Mitchel Preaching on Joh. 1 47. Behold, An Israelite indeed: He Presed much to Self Examination! Laying down several Characters of Sincerity: As, When GOD in CHRIST is become the Rest of the Soul; And when there is no known Sin Lived in, or Duty Neglected; And when the Heart is for GOD Chiefly, Wholly, Universally.
