but not so many (I fear) as to put me upon the Practice of the Apostle's Advice, of working out my Salvation with Fear and Trembling; but I do yet continue in a State of Nature, in a Graceless Condition, and in such a State, that if the Judge of the whole World should Summon me this Night to appear before him, I should perish for Ever. So that sometimes when I ⟨p. 32⟩seriously consider of these things, The Immortality of my Soul, Eternity, The last Judgment, and the Nature of the Judge, His Justice, Omniscience, Power; I know not which way to turn my self. Then whilst I am in this frame of Spirit (which is not long, for this Zeal is but Temporary and Transient) I put serious Questions to my Soul; such as these.
O Immortal Soul! How canst thou sleep this Night, or take any Repose, whilst thou art in such a perishing State? If thou shouldst be called for this Night, what wouldst thou do? Where wouldest thou appear? Is this thy Condition? Art thou an Heir of Hell? Ah Woeful State! Fly then to the Lord JESUS CHRIST for His Mercy! But, Oh, My Fears! That Rock on which I fear most to be dashed, is, Not Despair, and despondency (as I do think) For I hope by divine Assistance (without which I shall run into all manner of Evils) I shall not fall into Despair; for hi hereto I have found no Propensity that way; I am fully convinced of the All-sufficiency of GOD, his being able to Save me, and to Pardon my Sins. And as I am convinced of his being able, so also am I of his being willing to Save. For he is a Gracious, Merciful, Tender hearted GOD. He is willing to save all that come to Him by Faith in Christ. But this is that ⟨p. 35⟩Rock on which I fear I shall suffer Shipwreck; Carnal Security.
I find this Repentance to be an hard Work; A difficult Work! I must part with Bosom Sins, and a Right Eye, and a Right Hand, if I will be a Disciple of Christ.
I must take up a Cross, follow a Naked Christ, hate Father and Mother; These things make Repentance so repugnant to Flesh and Blood, that I daily say, though not in Word, yet Practically, and by my Actions, that I will sit at Ease in this Life, though I perish for Ever hereafter, rather than take the Pains to Repent. Lord, help me out of this Woeful State!
but not so many (I fear) as to put me upon the Practice of the Apostle's Advice, of working out my Salvation with Fear and Trembling; but I do yet continue in a State of Nature, in a Graceless Condition, and in such a State, that if the Judge of the whole World should Summon me this Night to appear before him, I should perish for Ever. So that sometimes when I ⟨p. 32⟩seriously consider of these things, The Immortality of my Soul, Eternity, The last Judgment, and the Nature of the Judge, His Justice, Omniscience, Power; I know not which way to turn my self. Then whilst I am in this frame of Spirit (which is not long, for this Zeal is but Temporary and Transient) I put serious Questions to my Soul; such as these.
O Immortal Soul! How canst thou sleep this Night, or take any Repose, whilst thou art in such a perishing State? If thou shouldast be called for this Night, what wouldst thou do? Where wouldest thou appear? Is this thy Condition? Art thou an Heir of Hell? Ah Woful State! Fly then to the Lord JESUS CHRIST for His Mercy! But, Oh, My Fears! That Rock on which I fear most to be dash'd, is, Not Despair, and despondency (as I do think) For I hope by divine Assistance (without which I shall run into all manner of Evils) I shall not fall into Despair; for hi herto I have found no Propensity that way; I am fully convinc'd of the All-sufficiency of GOD, his being able to Save me, and to Pardon my Sins. And as I am convinced of his being able, so also am I of his being willing to Save. For he is a Gracious, Merciful, Tender hearted GOD. He is willing to save all that come to Him by Faith in Christ. But this is that ⟨p. 35⟩Rock on which I fear I shall suffer Shipwreck; Carnal Security.
I find this Repentance to be an hard Work; A difficult Work! I must part with Bosom Sins, and a Right Eye, and a Right Hand, if I will be a Disciple of Christ.
I must take up a Cross, follow a Naked Christ, hate Father and Mother; These things make Repentance so repugnant to Flesh and Blood, that I daily say, though not in Word, yet Practically, and by my Actions, that I will sit at Ease in this Life, though I perish for Ever hereafter, rather than take the Pains to Repent. Lord, help me out of this Wosul State!