Some select cases resolved. Specially, tending to the right ordering of the heart, that…

In the Beginning of this Day I began to consider, whether all the Country did not fare the worse for my Sins; and I saw it was so. And this was an humbling Thought to me: And I thought, if every one in particular did think so, and was humbled, it would do well.—I saw also that if Repentance turn away Judgments, then if the Question be, who they are that bring Judgments? The Answer would be, They that think their Sins so small, as that God is not angry with them at all.

Novemb. 1. When I was walking to Roxbury alone, I saw it was God alone who gave me a natural Life: And I turned the Thought into a Prayer, Oh that I had a spiritual Life; that is but for a Time, this for ever.

Novemb. 7. On Sabbath, on my Bed after Sermon, I examined my Heart about this Question, viz. In whose Name I had preached, and in whose Strength I had done this Work to Day? And I saw that five Things did strengthen me, or which I went in the Strength of; (1) My natural Strength: My Body is pretty strong; and hence I went upon the Strength of that; (2) The ⟨p. 59⟩Strength and Power of external Necessity; the Work must be done, and hence I went upon this; (3) The Strength of external Encouragement; as Acceptance with others, and Favour from others; (4) The Strength of spiritual Affection some time, and received Grace; and hence I have sought for it: (5) The Strength of Faith if self, or resting to my Hold of Christ, rather than on his Hold of me. And here I saw three Things; (1) That if I did thus, God would curse me, because now I made Flesh my Arm, Jer. 17.6. And this affected me. Grace if self was but Flesh in Respect of God: (2) Here I saw the common and great Sin of all Men in their Ways and Acts: They do trust to themselves, and stay in themselves, and have some Bottom to stand upon beside God, when they come to act: (3) I saw the admirable strange Operation of Faith, that nullifies all Things, even it self, that God may act. It's a Faith under, or stirring under Faith, that doth the Deed. A Christian by it goes, not only out of himself; but out of his Faith: (4) Hence I saw, how near to God Faith made a Christian; raising it above Man, out of Man, out of himself, to God: That the Deity doth as it were immediately act upon the Soul, when it is thus elevated and lift out of it self.—Now here arose a Question [1] What of God doth Faith raise it to? I saw it was (1) To God as sufficient (1) In Father (2) In Son (3) In Holy Ghost; And there Faith stays: [2] To God as efficient. And on such a God, and such Strength of a God it stays. A [2d.] Question was; Whether Faith rests on the Lord's Efficiency immediately, or mediately? I answered both Ways. But (1) mediately (1) To God in a Command. For God's Commands give Strength.