Some select cases resolved. Specially, tending to the right ordering of the heart, that…

Novemb. 18. As I was going down my Stairs, I thought, If Paul did so desire the Good of the Israelites, ⟨p. 65⟩his Country Men, his Enemies, that opposed him, that he could wish himself Anathema for them; much more should I earnestly desire the Good of their Souls, who had under God committed themselves to my Care and Charge. And so I left them to God's free Grace to provide for them. And at Night I had Doubts, whether the Lord would regard them, or no, though I did resign them up to him. But it came to my Mind, that if God was an Idol God, then I might give them to him in vain; but it was not so. And hence I had very sweet Persuasion that Night, that my Work herein was not despised of the Lord.

Novemb. 18. As I was going down my Stairs, I thought, If Paul did so desire the Good of the Israelites, ⟨p. 65⟩his Country Men, his Enemies, that opposed him, that he could wish himself Anathema for them; much more should I earnestly desire the Good of their Souls, who had under God committed themselves to my Care and Charge. And so I left them to God's free Grace to provide for them. And at Night I had Doubts, whether the Lord would regard them, or no, though I did resign them up to him. But it came to my Mind, that if God was an Idol God, then I might give them to him in vain; but it was not so. And hence I had very sweet Perswasion that Night, that my Work herein was not despised of the Lord.

Novemb. 21. On Sabbath Day after Preaching, I considered my Vileness, that I did not see Things by the Lord's Light, nor was persuaded by the Lord's Faith, not quickened nor strengthened by the Lord's Life and Strength. So I demanded a Reason, why the Lord Jesus did not only, not outwardly help, but not inwardly act? I saw the Lord was not in me, hence did not work in me. I asked then, Why he was not in me? I saw my Sin had separated him from me: Yet I saw no Sin could separate if Unbelief was not added. If I returned by Faith, he would return to me. Then being ready to come, and yet seeing God's Grace only could draw me; I demanded, Whether I should put this Honour on God's Grace to draw me, or take it to my self, in coming by my own Strength? So I left my Soul with God's free Grace. Yet I saw that though Christ did not act in me in the same Measure as in Paul, who said Christ did live in him: yet I saw he did act in some Measure, though little: (1) Because I did desire the Lord to act all (2) Because I mourned for want of this, and loathed my self for what I did: (3) Because I did rejoice if the Lord would act me. And the next Morning I saw the Truth of this in Paul's Example,