N04855:739
Some select cases resolved. Specially, tending to the right ordering of the heart, that…
Some select cases resolved. Specially, tending to the right ordering of the heart, that we may comfortably walk with God in our general and particular callings: &c. In a letter to a pious friend in England. / By Thomas Shepard, M.A. Formerly of Emmanuel-College in Cambridge in England: afterward Minister of Cambridge in New-England. ; Corrected by four several editions.
Boston: printed by Rogers and Fowle, 1747
MEDITATIONS AND Spiritual Experiences OF Mr. THOMAS SHEPARD.
Modern spelling is a reading aid: the words are the author’s, only the spelling is modernized. Original shows the page as printed, with the transcription marks.
Novemb. 24. I felt over Night much Darkness and Unbelief; and saw, that if Satan had once made us begin to doubt, he would hold us with Doubts continually, ⟨p. 67⟩about the Being of God and Truth of the Scriptures. And I saw the next Morning this Error; viz. That I did believe what the Lord spake, because I saw it agreeable to my Reason, and so made that my last Resolution of all Doubts. And I began to think, how it should be otherwise? So I saw I was indeed to see the Things God spake, in the Reality of them, and in their Agreement with Reason, but not to make this the last Resolution of Doubts, though a Resolution. But then, when I had seen Things so agreeable to Reason, yet to look upon God's Testimony of them in Scripture as the last and chief Light and Ground of Settlement; and not to believe these Things are true, because I see they are true, but to believe, the Lord sees them more clearly than I: and he knowing them to be so, I see them so, and believe them upon his Testimony, much more: For if I believe any Thing to be true, because I see it so; much more because God saith it, who sees it better, and whose Word stakes me down, and confirms me in it.
Decemb. 4.—I felt a wonderful Cloud of Darkness and Atheism over my Head, and Unbelief, and my Weakness to see or believe God. But I saw that the Lord's Ends might be these three.
(1) By withdrawing the Spirit of Light, to give me a greater Measure of it than ever I have had before; to give me a greater Fullness by praying for more; (2) To humble me for my Confidence in my Light and Knowledge past; and in speaking so much with so little Light, who knew so little; (3) To heal this Wound of secret Atheism and Unbelief, which was but skinned over before. I saw all this was infinite Love and Mercy: Yet I saw this Condition was a deep and deadly Misery; and I saw, I should be vile indeed, if I did not mourn bitterly under it: For if I was only under the Misery of Affliction, the Lord would be displeased and count himself neglected, if I did not cry;