REFLECTION.

REFLECTION.

I remember my fault this day, may many a gracious Soul say. Ah how faithless and distrustful have I been notwithstanding the great security God hath given to my Faith, both in his Word and Works! O my Soul, thou hast greatly sinned therein, and ⟨p. 50⟩dishonoured thy Father! I have been worse to my Father, than my Children are to me. They trouble not their thoughts with what they shall eat or drink, or put on, but trust to my care and provision for that: Yet I cannot trust my Father, though I have ten thousand times more reason so to do, than they have to trust me, Mat. 7. 21. Surely, unless I were jealous of my Father's affection, I could not be so dubious of his provision for me. Ah, I should rather wonder that I have so much, than repine that I have no more. I should rather have been troubled that I have done no more for God, than that I have received no more from God. I have not proclaimed it to the World by my Conversation, that I have found a sufficiency in him alone, as the Saints have done, Hab. 3. 17, 18. How have I debased the Faithfulness and All-sufficiency of God, and magnified these earthly trifles, by my anxiety about them? Had I had more Faith, a light Purse would not have made such an heavy heart. Lord, how often hast thou convinced me of this folly, and put me to the blush, when thou hast confuted my unbelief; so that I have resolved never to distrust thee more, and yet new exigencies renew this corruption? How contradictory also hath my heart and my prayers been? I pray for them conditionally, and with submission to thy Will; I dare not say to thee, I must have them; yet this hath been the language of my heart and life. O convince me of this folly!